My Life Flows on in Endless Song... [OPEN]
Posted: April 13th, 2015, 1:58 am
“Time to get up.”
Flora groaned and shifted beneath her blankets, futilely trying to escape her mother’s persistent shaking hand. Unfortunately, rolling over did not help her cause at all; not only did her mother repeat her insistent request more sharply, but the rock digging into Flora’s ribs agreed whole-heartedly that it was beyond time to drag herself from the relative comfort of her blankets. “Yes. Yes! I’m awake. Give me a moment.”
Yawning, she sat up, doing her best to hold the blanket around herself covered as she was by only her shift. Dressing modestly beneath a wagon though, with a roof only two feet above her head, was nearly impossible; she could not both pull the dress over head, stick her arms through the sleeves and hold a blanket about her to cover her near-nakedness. Her shoulders, cleavage and a leg played peek-a-boo with passers-by, largely vendors arriving early to the carnival and bleary-eyed drunks reeking of vomit who had picked themselves up from wherever they had fallen over the night before. One of the latter let out a wolf-howl and rubbed the back of one hand over his blood-shot eyes while the other held desperately to the water skin he nursed.
“Hey there sister, planning a new performance? Are you planning on moving on to the sa’sara next?” Her brother, Tom, unsteadily and unsuccessfully attempted to mimic the moves of the famous Saldaean dance – this may have been more convincing if he’d ever actually seen someone perform the sa’sara. Instead, he stumbled and nearly ended up toppling over onto their mother.
Their mother responded by rolling her eyes and sighing with exasperation. “Make yourself useful, you lump.” Poor Anna Cecil was no musician herself but was forced to perpetually clean up and ground with the rest of her… more mercurial family.
“Well, who’s the pot calling the kettle black, brother?” Flora snapped back. “By the bruise on your neck, I’m guessing someone last night saw a lot more of your bits than those idiots just did mine, you whore.”
The speed with which their mother spun her head around to castigate Flora, the girl wondered a moment if she’d snapped her neck. “Watch your mouth, girl – or it will be staying here chained to that wheel for the rest of the day.” Turning to Tom, with lips tight and brow furrowed the normally placid woman hissed, “And you, will get us all in a whole host of trouble again if you cannot keep your pants around your waist. If we all get chased from here by another enraged father or husband, I swear your father and I will hold you down, take you to the farrier, and turn you into a gelding. Besides, you’ll have that beautiful voice back that you lost when you lost control of yourself like a rabbit in spring.”
As Anna left their camp in search of breakfast, both children muttered strings of obscenities beneath their breath. However, indulging in their chagrin, both finally applied themselves to tidying the area and preparing for the day. After folding and packing the bedrolls back into their wagon, Flora pulled the lap harp from its protected compartment beneath the cart’s floorboards and began to tune it. When she was finally content with the pitch of all its strings, Flora began to pluck out “Midean’s Ford”, humming softly to herself.
“What’s that you’re playing?” Tom asked curiously, snapping his sister from her reverie – she’d forgotten anyone else was there. “I thought you were singing “Coming Home from Tarwin’s Gap” today.”
She bit her lip, considering telling him what she really planned on singing. He wouldn’t tell their father; despite their constant bickering, the two siblings had a mutual bond. Uncharacteristically though, Flora was nervous about today. Generally when she sang, nerves wouldn’t tighten in her belly until the moment before she stepped before a crowd. Every time she began to play, the first few chords would be iffy as her fingers trembled slightly, her first few notes would be breathy as anxiety seemed to constrict her throat.
Then, she’d breathe. With that breath, her shoulders and arms would release; she would forget all about the mechanics and the crowd. All that mattered was the story – the rest would just melt away. There were times when she sang where Flora would not realize the piece had finished until her fingers plucked out the last chords. Even as the crowd would begin to applaud, that sense of there being nothing else in the world but her voice and harp would not dissipate for several seconds. She would still be trapped in that story, still feeling the last emotions of her character.
When her family had visited Cairhien last year, she had gone off to explore the city alone – much to her mother’s concern. Flora never told Anna that she’d accidentally wandered in to a hell. As she walked through the door, a man had staggered out of the room, stumbling into her on his way. Thrown off balance, he’d grabbed painfully onto her shoulder to support himself. His face was inches from her own; she could smell his foul breath and count his rotten yellow teeth. Despite that repulsive maw though, it was his eyes that riveted her.
He was a hideous, wasted man with sunken cheeks and waxy skin. Emaciated as if he had not eaten in days yet his clothing was silk and expensive – some sort of nobility. He trembled like a sick man, barely able to support himself on his spindly legs. Yet his eyes… they stared at her but at the same time were unfocused. Despite everything, they seemed at peace, happy. He raised a frail hand and stroked her cheek. Flora knew she should have been horrified and revolted, she certainly was uncomfortable, but there was a certain amount a familiarity there. Nothing existed to this man right now except her. The shouting of tough moving towards them, did not affect him.
All of this lasted mere moments before the tough roughly shoved both of them out the door. The man landed in a heap on the ground. Flora considered helping him to his feet but people in the street had begun to stare and she was beginning to feel self-conscious. It was then that she realized what felt so familiar about his demeanour: that glazed, dissociative state, it was what she felt when she sang. The epiphany filled her with a sense of guilt and shame; that she might at all be similar with this wastrel was terrifying. With a last, weak smile, the girl had turned on her heel and walked swiftly back to the inn in which she was staying. Of this, she had not breathed a word even to Tom.
So, it was the same now. Not that she felt guilty or ashamed of her repertoire choice, but the sense of anxiety she felt about this risk kept her from telling Tom the truth. “It’s just something to get my fingers moving.” she lied.
“Oh, it sounds good.”
Half-heartedly, Flora laughed. “Careful, brother, keep complimenting me like that and I’ll get a big head.”
Her brother snorted. “Well then, you have a face like a mule and hair to match. Feel better?”
She rolled her eyes and began playing “Coming Home from Tarwin’s Gap.” “Idiot.”
“Fool.”
“Bonehead.”
“Goose-brain.”
“Cretin.”
“Crackbrain.”
“Bastard.”
“Wench.”
“Enough, you two.” Anna Cecil’s irritated return turned their insults to smirks. “Your father is already performing near the center of the field. Flora, he wants you to join him around high-sun – so soon. Eat and get moving.”
The girl nodded and took a bun from her mother. Chewing, she agonized whether to sing “Midean’s Ford” or “Tarwin’s Gap” while Tom sat down to tune the lute and play a few short melodies. It wasn’t long before he’d attracted an admirer who smiled coyly as Tom serenaded her with “A Dancing Lass” and his customary roguish grin. Flora snorted as she left, carrying the harp with her – Tom had already managed to get the girl on his knee and had moved on to “What He Said to Me”.
Flora wove through the crowd carefully, protecting the harp from being buffeted by hundreds of passers-by. She passed vendor after vendor, selling everything from jewellery to saddles, roasted turkey legs to fine wine. It felt as if every Andoran from White Bridge to Four Kings had made their way to Caemlyn for the event. Farmers bustled around tanners, bartering for harnesses and farm implements, their wives standing nearby in small groups or clinging tightly to children staring wide-eyed at the spectacle. A group of nobles sat on a group of stools set up around one of the wine sellers, laughing and arguing loudly as their retainers stood by bored, occasionally heckling the women who passed by.
As she made her way toward the center of the field, she caught snippets of her father’s flute floating above the din. Flora followed the sound, grinning at the sound of applause when he finished “Pretty Maids Dancing”. Jon Cecil must have been up on a crate or some sort of platform because as the ovation died down, she heard him call her name despite the fact that she could see nothing through the thick crowd. He called out for people to let her through and Flora began to move steadily toward her father.
“Let her though. Let her through please! I have a treat for you today.” As Flora finally broke into a small clearing around the makeshift stage her father had piled together, he grabbed her hand and pulled her up onto it. “Everyone,” he shouted in a large voice, “this is my daughter Flora Cecil.” There was scattered applause. “I promise you, she is the best singer from Tear to Fal Dara, from Cairhien to Falme. In Lugard they called her the Red Nightingale.” Flora continued to smile as she stood before the crowd but very badly wanted to ask her father where he had come up with the nickname – she had never heard it before in her life.
“The Daughter-Heir herself has already asked for a performance at the palace!” Flora tried very hard not to snort. Light, he was laying it on thick today. “We plan to travel next to the Palace of the Rising Sun to perform for the king!” Blood and ashes, he was whipping them up into a frenzy. With this introduction, how did he expect her to play so simple a song as “Coming Home from Tarwin’s Gap”? She knew he was proud and wanted to keep the crowd for her recital, but did he not realize he was setting her up for disappointment? How could she possibly stand on this pedestal he thrust her up onto?
Her stomach began to writhe uncomfortably. If Flora did not slow her breathing, she would not be able to sing through the first phrase of the song without breathing partway through, disrupting the cadence. Keeping a smile plastered to her face and hoping the crowd did not notice the anxiety in which she was currently drowning, Flora took a deep breath through clenched teeth and let it out slowly – again, in and out. Jon prattled on through dozens of false accomplishments while the subject of his adulation did her best to deafen her ears. In and out, in and out – slowly the vice grip she had on the harp began to ease. She rolled her shoulders back subtly, releasing their tension.
Finally, Jon clapped his hand on her shoulder, beaming, and stepped off the stage. Flora did not dare look at the crowd as she sat down on a crate and arranged her skirts. Then, taking the harp and positioning it between her knees, she closed her eyes for a fraction of a second and painted the story on the backs of her eyelids. There was the river, broad with cattails and weeds growing through the shallows. She looked across and saw thousands of men in glittering armour standing shoulder-to-shoulder. Banners flapped in the wind above them: the red hand and the red eagle. Every man stared across the river and knew what awaited him.
Then, Flora opened her eyes and plucked out the first chord of “Midean’s Ford”.
“Soft, the winds, like springtime’s fingers.
Soft, the rains, like heaven’s tears.”
Her fingers felt clumsy and unpractised; it wasn’t flowing together properly. The word “tears” ended abruptly as she ran out of breath. Frustration and self-consciousness threatened to tighten her throat. Flora rolled the next chord and let it ring out a moment longer than necessary as she breathed deep, feeling her back expand against the tightness of her dress and her chest push the harp away from her shoulder.
Soft, the years roll by in gladness,
never hinting storms to come,
With enough breath support to spare, her mezzo took on a darker overtone. Some in the crowd continued to talk, listening to her with disinterest; this threatened to anger her but Flora breathed deep and let it slip away. She began to arpeggiate her chords cords and dropped her left hand down an octave. The tempo sped up.
never hinting whirlwinds’ ravage,
rain of steel and battle thunder,
war to tear the heart asunder.
Flora no longer saw the crowd as they grey silent and stared, riveted. The singer saw nothing but the faces of the men standing on the river, waiting for their deaths. Everything else… just slipped away.
Flora groaned and shifted beneath her blankets, futilely trying to escape her mother’s persistent shaking hand. Unfortunately, rolling over did not help her cause at all; not only did her mother repeat her insistent request more sharply, but the rock digging into Flora’s ribs agreed whole-heartedly that it was beyond time to drag herself from the relative comfort of her blankets. “Yes. Yes! I’m awake. Give me a moment.”
Yawning, she sat up, doing her best to hold the blanket around herself covered as she was by only her shift. Dressing modestly beneath a wagon though, with a roof only two feet above her head, was nearly impossible; she could not both pull the dress over head, stick her arms through the sleeves and hold a blanket about her to cover her near-nakedness. Her shoulders, cleavage and a leg played peek-a-boo with passers-by, largely vendors arriving early to the carnival and bleary-eyed drunks reeking of vomit who had picked themselves up from wherever they had fallen over the night before. One of the latter let out a wolf-howl and rubbed the back of one hand over his blood-shot eyes while the other held desperately to the water skin he nursed.
“Hey there sister, planning a new performance? Are you planning on moving on to the sa’sara next?” Her brother, Tom, unsteadily and unsuccessfully attempted to mimic the moves of the famous Saldaean dance – this may have been more convincing if he’d ever actually seen someone perform the sa’sara. Instead, he stumbled and nearly ended up toppling over onto their mother.
Their mother responded by rolling her eyes and sighing with exasperation. “Make yourself useful, you lump.” Poor Anna Cecil was no musician herself but was forced to perpetually clean up and ground with the rest of her… more mercurial family.
“Well, who’s the pot calling the kettle black, brother?” Flora snapped back. “By the bruise on your neck, I’m guessing someone last night saw a lot more of your bits than those idiots just did mine, you whore.”
The speed with which their mother spun her head around to castigate Flora, the girl wondered a moment if she’d snapped her neck. “Watch your mouth, girl – or it will be staying here chained to that wheel for the rest of the day.” Turning to Tom, with lips tight and brow furrowed the normally placid woman hissed, “And you, will get us all in a whole host of trouble again if you cannot keep your pants around your waist. If we all get chased from here by another enraged father or husband, I swear your father and I will hold you down, take you to the farrier, and turn you into a gelding. Besides, you’ll have that beautiful voice back that you lost when you lost control of yourself like a rabbit in spring.”
As Anna left their camp in search of breakfast, both children muttered strings of obscenities beneath their breath. However, indulging in their chagrin, both finally applied themselves to tidying the area and preparing for the day. After folding and packing the bedrolls back into their wagon, Flora pulled the lap harp from its protected compartment beneath the cart’s floorboards and began to tune it. When she was finally content with the pitch of all its strings, Flora began to pluck out “Midean’s Ford”, humming softly to herself.
“What’s that you’re playing?” Tom asked curiously, snapping his sister from her reverie – she’d forgotten anyone else was there. “I thought you were singing “Coming Home from Tarwin’s Gap” today.”
She bit her lip, considering telling him what she really planned on singing. He wouldn’t tell their father; despite their constant bickering, the two siblings had a mutual bond. Uncharacteristically though, Flora was nervous about today. Generally when she sang, nerves wouldn’t tighten in her belly until the moment before she stepped before a crowd. Every time she began to play, the first few chords would be iffy as her fingers trembled slightly, her first few notes would be breathy as anxiety seemed to constrict her throat.
Then, she’d breathe. With that breath, her shoulders and arms would release; she would forget all about the mechanics and the crowd. All that mattered was the story – the rest would just melt away. There were times when she sang where Flora would not realize the piece had finished until her fingers plucked out the last chords. Even as the crowd would begin to applaud, that sense of there being nothing else in the world but her voice and harp would not dissipate for several seconds. She would still be trapped in that story, still feeling the last emotions of her character.
When her family had visited Cairhien last year, she had gone off to explore the city alone – much to her mother’s concern. Flora never told Anna that she’d accidentally wandered in to a hell. As she walked through the door, a man had staggered out of the room, stumbling into her on his way. Thrown off balance, he’d grabbed painfully onto her shoulder to support himself. His face was inches from her own; she could smell his foul breath and count his rotten yellow teeth. Despite that repulsive maw though, it was his eyes that riveted her.
He was a hideous, wasted man with sunken cheeks and waxy skin. Emaciated as if he had not eaten in days yet his clothing was silk and expensive – some sort of nobility. He trembled like a sick man, barely able to support himself on his spindly legs. Yet his eyes… they stared at her but at the same time were unfocused. Despite everything, they seemed at peace, happy. He raised a frail hand and stroked her cheek. Flora knew she should have been horrified and revolted, she certainly was uncomfortable, but there was a certain amount a familiarity there. Nothing existed to this man right now except her. The shouting of tough moving towards them, did not affect him.
All of this lasted mere moments before the tough roughly shoved both of them out the door. The man landed in a heap on the ground. Flora considered helping him to his feet but people in the street had begun to stare and she was beginning to feel self-conscious. It was then that she realized what felt so familiar about his demeanour: that glazed, dissociative state, it was what she felt when she sang. The epiphany filled her with a sense of guilt and shame; that she might at all be similar with this wastrel was terrifying. With a last, weak smile, the girl had turned on her heel and walked swiftly back to the inn in which she was staying. Of this, she had not breathed a word even to Tom.
So, it was the same now. Not that she felt guilty or ashamed of her repertoire choice, but the sense of anxiety she felt about this risk kept her from telling Tom the truth. “It’s just something to get my fingers moving.” she lied.
“Oh, it sounds good.”
Half-heartedly, Flora laughed. “Careful, brother, keep complimenting me like that and I’ll get a big head.”
Her brother snorted. “Well then, you have a face like a mule and hair to match. Feel better?”
She rolled her eyes and began playing “Coming Home from Tarwin’s Gap.” “Idiot.”
“Fool.”
“Bonehead.”
“Goose-brain.”
“Cretin.”
“Crackbrain.”
“Bastard.”
“Wench.”
“Enough, you two.” Anna Cecil’s irritated return turned their insults to smirks. “Your father is already performing near the center of the field. Flora, he wants you to join him around high-sun – so soon. Eat and get moving.”
The girl nodded and took a bun from her mother. Chewing, she agonized whether to sing “Midean’s Ford” or “Tarwin’s Gap” while Tom sat down to tune the lute and play a few short melodies. It wasn’t long before he’d attracted an admirer who smiled coyly as Tom serenaded her with “A Dancing Lass” and his customary roguish grin. Flora snorted as she left, carrying the harp with her – Tom had already managed to get the girl on his knee and had moved on to “What He Said to Me”.
Flora wove through the crowd carefully, protecting the harp from being buffeted by hundreds of passers-by. She passed vendor after vendor, selling everything from jewellery to saddles, roasted turkey legs to fine wine. It felt as if every Andoran from White Bridge to Four Kings had made their way to Caemlyn for the event. Farmers bustled around tanners, bartering for harnesses and farm implements, their wives standing nearby in small groups or clinging tightly to children staring wide-eyed at the spectacle. A group of nobles sat on a group of stools set up around one of the wine sellers, laughing and arguing loudly as their retainers stood by bored, occasionally heckling the women who passed by.
As she made her way toward the center of the field, she caught snippets of her father’s flute floating above the din. Flora followed the sound, grinning at the sound of applause when he finished “Pretty Maids Dancing”. Jon Cecil must have been up on a crate or some sort of platform because as the ovation died down, she heard him call her name despite the fact that she could see nothing through the thick crowd. He called out for people to let her through and Flora began to move steadily toward her father.
“Let her though. Let her through please! I have a treat for you today.” As Flora finally broke into a small clearing around the makeshift stage her father had piled together, he grabbed her hand and pulled her up onto it. “Everyone,” he shouted in a large voice, “this is my daughter Flora Cecil.” There was scattered applause. “I promise you, she is the best singer from Tear to Fal Dara, from Cairhien to Falme. In Lugard they called her the Red Nightingale.” Flora continued to smile as she stood before the crowd but very badly wanted to ask her father where he had come up with the nickname – she had never heard it before in her life.
“The Daughter-Heir herself has already asked for a performance at the palace!” Flora tried very hard not to snort. Light, he was laying it on thick today. “We plan to travel next to the Palace of the Rising Sun to perform for the king!” Blood and ashes, he was whipping them up into a frenzy. With this introduction, how did he expect her to play so simple a song as “Coming Home from Tarwin’s Gap”? She knew he was proud and wanted to keep the crowd for her recital, but did he not realize he was setting her up for disappointment? How could she possibly stand on this pedestal he thrust her up onto?
Her stomach began to writhe uncomfortably. If Flora did not slow her breathing, she would not be able to sing through the first phrase of the song without breathing partway through, disrupting the cadence. Keeping a smile plastered to her face and hoping the crowd did not notice the anxiety in which she was currently drowning, Flora took a deep breath through clenched teeth and let it out slowly – again, in and out. Jon prattled on through dozens of false accomplishments while the subject of his adulation did her best to deafen her ears. In and out, in and out – slowly the vice grip she had on the harp began to ease. She rolled her shoulders back subtly, releasing their tension.
Finally, Jon clapped his hand on her shoulder, beaming, and stepped off the stage. Flora did not dare look at the crowd as she sat down on a crate and arranged her skirts. Then, taking the harp and positioning it between her knees, she closed her eyes for a fraction of a second and painted the story on the backs of her eyelids. There was the river, broad with cattails and weeds growing through the shallows. She looked across and saw thousands of men in glittering armour standing shoulder-to-shoulder. Banners flapped in the wind above them: the red hand and the red eagle. Every man stared across the river and knew what awaited him.
Then, Flora opened her eyes and plucked out the first chord of “Midean’s Ford”.
“Soft, the winds, like springtime’s fingers.
Soft, the rains, like heaven’s tears.”
Her fingers felt clumsy and unpractised; it wasn’t flowing together properly. The word “tears” ended abruptly as she ran out of breath. Frustration and self-consciousness threatened to tighten her throat. Flora rolled the next chord and let it ring out a moment longer than necessary as she breathed deep, feeling her back expand against the tightness of her dress and her chest push the harp away from her shoulder.
Soft, the years roll by in gladness,
never hinting storms to come,
With enough breath support to spare, her mezzo took on a darker overtone. Some in the crowd continued to talk, listening to her with disinterest; this threatened to anger her but Flora breathed deep and let it slip away. She began to arpeggiate her chords cords and dropped her left hand down an octave. The tempo sped up.
never hinting whirlwinds’ ravage,
rain of steel and battle thunder,
war to tear the heart asunder.
Flora no longer saw the crowd as they grey silent and stared, riveted. The singer saw nothing but the faces of the men standing on the river, waiting for their deaths. Everything else… just slipped away.