The Grey Tower

Kaira returned his smile, although she also raised her eyebrows in surprise and trepidation. He didn't seem completely better, even if he was awake and seemed to be mostly himself. She made a mental note to drag him to the infirmary as soon as they returned to the Tower and kept her mouth shut. There was no need to trouble him.

Instead, she tried to figure out how to tell Johan about what she had found upstairs.

"I went upstairs to get blankets," she began. "When I walked into the room, I saw something under the sheets and I looked and... there was a body. Or what's left of it."

She paused and swallowed. Then she said, hoarsely, "The innkeeper is probably dead. I don't think that this inn has been open for some time. At least week, perhaps more."

Despite the blanket around her shoulders, she shivered and pressed her lips tightly together. She frowned at the blanket that Johan had dropped to the ground.

"Aren't you cold?" she asked. "We must keep the windows open to clear the air, but it is so chilly! At least the wind isn't so bad in here."

Suddenly a man's voice drifted from the common room. Kaira heard the crunch of snow under heavy boots.

"Hello? Anyone here?"

Kaira's eyes widened. It seemed that the inn's open doors had been discovered. She rose to her feet and silently moved to grasp the kitchen knife. Without knowing whether this stranger was a friend or a foe, it wouldn't hurt to be careful. She had not forgotten the dangers of being a young woman found vulnerable. Then she glanced at Johan and spoke in a whisper.

"Got my knife?"

Johan had very little time to react the news of the innkeeper’s likely death, take it in and realise what it meant. Whatever was in the air had almost killed him… His attention instead switched to the sudden new voice, and he froze, going completely still. The pounding of his head was joined by the sudden thumping of his heart. They weren’t supposed to be here. They’d broken in, and the innkeeper was dead, and now there were others. It didn’t look good for them. When people saw dead bodies, they tended to jump straight to their own conclusions and ask the questions later. He and Kaira were unharmed, but the innkeeper was dead…

He raised an eyebrow as Kaira grabbed a knife, but made no move to arm himself. He didn’t think that whoever was here was too much of a threat. People who were up to no good tended to be silent about their presence, and reacting with a knife would only add further weight towards the idea of them having had something to do with the innkeeper’s death. Only the guilty attacked without asking questions, and there was no way that he was going to be attacked and killed for something he hadn’t done. All he wanted was to get back to the bloody Tower so that could go and lie down and forget that this day had ever happened.

Ignoring yet another wave of dizziness, he drew a breath, swallowing down on his nausea, before he quickly called out, “Just a moment!”

The innkeeper’s body was upstairs, and those who had arrived were likely only looking for a drink and a place to get warm whilst waiting out the storm. The likelihood of them venturing upstairs was small, so if he could convince them he worked here… Well, it would make slipping away that bit easier when it came to doing so. Inns were rarely empty, and no reaction would make whoever had come through the door curious, and then they would explore and likely stumble upon the body. He couldn’t let that happen.

He glanced once at Kaira, dropping his voice to a whisper, “I dropped the knife when I climbed the window.”

He didn’t give her a chance to react, but walked through into the common room, making his voice bright and cheerful as he clapped his hands together. “Hello! What can I get you? The weather outside’s awful! You must be desperate for some warmth. I’m afraid we had a load of snow fall down the chimneys, but we should be able to get the fires started up soon enough! My sister will see to them. I’m not sure where she’s vanished.

He just had to hope Kaira had heard and would play along… and leave the bloody knife behind.

Kaira's eyes nearly bugged out of her head when Johan called out to the intruders in the living room. Bloody idiot! She couldn't believe that he had ruined any element of surprise. And she hissed under her breath when he confessed that he had lost her knife. Even though she did not have any particular attachment to that blade, its loss annoyed her. She was about to tell him exactly what she thought of his foolishness, but Johan gave her no time to protest before strutting out of the kitchen like he owned the place.

Her mouth dropped open in shock as she listened to him talk. Did he just tell them that she was his sister??? They looked nothing alike! And oh, of course he said that she would light the fireplace. He probably expected her to clean up his vomit on the floor and her dropped platter of food too. No, she would not stand for this silly little farce. She slid the kitchen knife into the back of her belt and pulled her cloak and blanket securely around her to hide her stolen Drin outfit. Then she stormed out of the kitchen.

There were three strange men standing there in front of Johan. As soon as Kaira stepped out the door, she forced a sweet smile onto her face and blinked at the strangers innocently. With a sinking feeling, she noted that they did not look friendly. Their hair was grizzled and unkempt, their faces weathered and grim, their clothes worn and tattered and smelly. The way they straightened when they saw her, like wolves smelling prey, made her want to leap forward and stab out their eyes.

But she managed to restrain herself, showing none of these thoughts. After all, Johan seemed to have a plan. As long as she did not find herself in immediate danger, she was willing to play along. Her smile did not falter.

"Oh, welcome!" she said with false cheer. "We didn't expect anyone in this storm. I see that you've already met my brother. Unfortunately, our father has taken sick. I will inform him of your presence immediately."

"Master Brennen is sick?" The tallest man grinned, revealing a gap between his front teeth. Kaira did not like the look of that grin, nor the gleam in his eyes. "Aye, wha' a pity. He'd always been happy to see us, eh boys?"

One of Gap Tooth's companions squinted at her. He stood hunched over with a disfiguring hump on his back.

"Ey, you look familiar," Hunchback said.

"I've been told that I look like my mother," she said, praying that she wouldn't be recognized.

"Ah didn't know tha' Master Brennen had children," said the third man. He was missing an eye.

Kaira moved toward the base of the stairs and spoke over her shoulder. "Come with me, dear brother. Father does like to see your face when he wakes. If the three of you could be so kind as to help light the fireplace..."

"Wha' d'you think we are, wench? We ain't no hired help." One Eye said. He reached for the silver on the table that Kaira had placed earlier and took up a coin. "See?" he said. "Here's our pay. Now get to work."

"Yar, leave good ole Master Brennen alone. Let 'em sleep!" Gap Tooth said.

"Hurry up, girl. You heard 'em," said Hunchback. He looked around the room and grimaced. "What's this mess on the floor? Come on, clean it up. And you, boy, to the kitchens and bring us food and ale."

Kaira gritted her teeth and met Johan's gaze. Every instinct screamed at her to run back up the stairs and flee through the window. But would Johan follow? Her hand crept towards her knife.

If he was on his own, Johan would have trusted himself to be able to talk his way out of it. Master Brennen his father? No! He was Master Brennen’s nephew, come from the country to help him whilst he was sick. His father was upstairs, sick as well. Master Brennen didn’t have a brother? Oh, they were old friends, practically related! Something like that, deflecting, spinning, making the tale work. But he wasn’t on his own. He didn’t have just himself to think about and rely upon. Even as he watched her from the corner of his eye, he saw her hand creeping towards her knife. Even worse, the one-eyed man saw it at the same time. The moved, opened his mouth to speak to his companions.

Johan took a hesitant step forward. “If you just-?” It was all going to unravel, and soon. Better to decide how, right?

And that was when Johan exploded into action, ignoring the dizziness even as the world tilted and as his stomach threatened to throw up all of again. He was spinning, turning, reaching for the plate that Kaira had dropped before. He snatched it up, and then spun again, twisting his body so that he faced the men, relying on his speed to add to the element of surprise. He didn’t wait for a reaction, but smashed the plate into the first man’s face, and then he was launching himself at the others, kicking and punching, using his elbows and fists as he had been taught. He felt and heard the cartilage in one man’s throat break against the force of his elbow, saw him stagger away, clutching at it, trying to drag in breath, thoroughly winded, but he didn’t stop to watch; he was in and under the next man’s guard, his knee already driving up and into the man’s groin with as much force as he could muster. He heard the pained gasp.

None of the moves were enough to kill, but they gave them time.

“Up the stairs!” he hissed at Kaira, cursing under his breath. The world threatened to tip sideways yet again, and he gripped the bannister for support. He didn’t wait to see if she followed, but climbed the steps three at a time, not caring about being quiet this time. His footsteps sounded, to his own ears, like an earthquake. Thump, thump, thump, thump. Too loud, much to loud.

He didn’t pause when he reached the stairs, but carried on into the room, heading straight for the window. He still hadn’t stop swearing. He thrust the window open, stepping aside and only then looking back. The cold swept in and instantly bit into his skin.

“I can see why Aes Sedai need bloody Warders!” he snapped. “I told you to leave the knife behind! I had it under control!” It was his fear talking. “I hate the snow!” and the last was grumbled under his breath.

Kaira would have leapt into the fray, but when Johan burst into action, she could only stop and stare. He fought without hesitation or mercy. It was brutal, efficient, and utterly fascinating to watch. Then just as quickly as it had started, it was over. He pushed past her.

"Up the stairs!" he hissed.

She shook herself from her thoughts and dashed to the fireplace. With a poker, she stirred the ashes and prodded an ember to life. Smoke began billowing from the fireplace. Kaira coughed and covered her mouth, trying not to breathe. Then she raced to the window and closed it - the strangers had already shut and barred the front door - and ran across the room after Johan.

A hand caught her ankle and she tripped. She caught herself with her palms against the floor and twisted to see Gap Tooth, whose nose spurted blood from the plate that had been shoved in his face. She cried out and kicked him hard with her free leg. He let her go, but only to unsheathe the short sword at his hip and bring its tip up under Kaira's chin. She froze.

He snickered and crawled to his feet.

"Gotcha," he said. "Get up. You think we fell for your little schtick? Your so-called 'brother' ran off, but you'll pay for what he did."

Slowly, Kaira rose to her feet, pretending to be obedient. Then she struck. The kitchen knife flew from her hand. Gap Tooth screamed and dropped his sword to bring his hands to his stomach, where a blooming patch of red began to spread. Kaira turned and ran upstairs, but not before grabbing the sword.

With it clutched in her hand, she burst into the room just as Johan turned and yelled at her. Her face flushed pink as she brought up the sword.

"You did not tell me to leave the knife behind," she said heatedly. "And if I had, then I'd be worse than dead! I had no idea what you were planning when you left the kitchen and welcomed them in like you owned the place. And how could you reveal my presence?! I could have surprised them or stayed hidden. You still have a long way to go before you become a Warder to anyone."

Then a note of appreciation crept into her voice and she grinned with unabashed excitement.

"But you fought well. Against three men! Very impressive. I've never seen anything like it. You are full of surprises, Johan Albaer. Want this?"

She lowered the sword and turned it to offer the hilt.

Johan’s heart continued to pound away. It felt too quick, too fast, like it was beating far too hard and would break at any moment. His chest hurt, he still felt sick, and the world continued to dance around him. All he wanted to do was shut his eyes and give into his tiredness, except he couldn’t, of course. He had to get him, them, out of here and back to the Tower in one piece. Maybe two pieces. He wasn’t quite sure he could manage one.

His head hurt as much as his chest, and he was struggling to think clearly, to pull his thoughts out of the fog that had enveloped them. He was sure he’d her told to leave the knife, but he couldn’t remember, couldn’t even remember half of what he’d said to the men. Maybe he had just thought it. The Creator only knew. Either way, she should have left the knife behind. It was that that had got them into trouble and caused the situation to escalate at the rate that it had!

The words were there, ready to be said, but he managed to bite down on them. Now was not the time to get into an argument about what they should and shouldn’t have done, and how attacking straight off was a stupid, idiotic idea. He didn’t need to explain himself either, or explain why he’d done what he had. He wouldn’t change her mind; she’d still think that she was in the right and he in the wrong. That was simply how Aes Sedai were, and Novices too. He had learnt that quickly.

It didn’t stop the anger, though, and he ignored the sword with a quick “Keep it,” and moved back to the window.

“I’m a full of surprises, and yet I have a long way to go?” He arched an eyebrow and snorted, shaking his head. “It’s a good thing I have no desire or plans to be a Warder, then, isn’t it? Now, are we going? You first,” and he indicted the window.

Why was he so terse? There was tension in his jaw and tightness in his expression and biting sarcasm in his words. Kaira bit her lip. She didn't see the contradiction in her statements. If he didn't want to be a Warder, then why was he here?

As she tried to puzzle out the mystery, she took the sword by its hilt. Then she peered out the window. The worst of the storm had passed. Snowflakes drifted gently through the air, hardly buffeted by the breeze. The sheet of snow below laid thick and smooth. She tossed the sword down into the snow. Though they stood only one story up, the ground seemed somehow even more distant. She felt a little nauseous. Only a few hours had passed since she had almost fallen. And now she was going to throw herself out the window! This was insane.

She swallowed. Then she climbed onto the window sill and turned her head to look at him. He probably wasn't feeling well, she thought. The flush of his cheeks had faded, but could still be seen above the scarf around his neck. He watched her silently. Was that challenge she detected glittering in his eyes? Did he think she was hesitating?

Her pride flared. With a sharp intake of breath and a quick prayer to the Creator, she launched herself out of the window. When she hit the ground, she curled and rolled, protecting her head. The snow crunched under her body. She stood and brushed herself off. Then she snatched up the sword. Johan fell from above and landed with a soft thud in a fresh patch of snow.

She waited until he stood before asking with honest curiosity.

"Then what do you want to be?"

Jumping from the window was the last thing that Johan wanted to do, but he didn’t hesitate, barely waiting a heartbeat before following her out. He bent his legs and, keeping them at an angle for when he hit the ground, jumped. The wind sailed past his ears for a second, two, and then the balls of his feet connected with the snow and he was rolling forward, keeping the momentum going in order to take the force out of the landing. It still hurt, though, his body exhausted, and the Creator only knew how he stopped himself from falling back. The world spun, and he took a moment to catch his breath.

He didn’t look back to see just how far he’d jumped, knowing that that would only add to his queasiness, but focused instead on walking forward, though not before pulling his scarf tighter around him, trying to block out the cold. He saw something glinting close by and moved to pick it up, brushing the snow away. The knife. Without even checking it over, he shoved it through his belt and starting walking again, ignoring the way his chest still felt far too tight.

All he wanted to do now was to get back to the Tower. He was surprised that Kaira hadn’t immediately replied to his response, but now it seemed it was time to, and he stopped, looking back.

“Simple,” he said. “I want to be my own person. I don’t care what I am beyond that.”

And a Warder was not that. He couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life following someone else around, at their command, like a dog on a leash, their emotions forever in is mind, and his in theirs, not ever being able to escape. It was too scary a thought. Why would anyone ever want that?

Kaira pulled her blanket around her and hurried after him. It took both hands for her to lug the sword along, but she didn't dare to leave it behind. She caught up beside him and considered his words in silence. Together they trudged a slow path through the snow.

She understood the appeal of seeking independence. And not so long ago, she had tried to escape. Away from the demands of the Tower, away from the expectations that had been placed upon her at birth. What did she care about the silly politics among countries, the troublesome meddling in the world, the distant fight against the Shadow? She was only a quarter Cairhienin, and those traits shone through more strongly in her looks than anything else. But in the world outside of the Tower, she learned quickly that a young woman alone was easy prey for the crueler forces of life. Therefore, she returned and accepted the Aes Sedai training. Kaira was determined to learn how to defend herself with the Power, so that no one could hurt her ever again.

For that, she had to pay the price.

"You must care about something or you wouldn't be a Drin," she blurted out. A touch of bitterness entered her voice. "Once the Tower has its hold on you, it never lets you free. A lot of people think that Aes Sedai and Gaidin have it easy. Limitless freedom! Riches and silks! Bah, they are fools. They do not understand the nature of the work or the sacrifice.

"My father was - and is - often called away for Tower business. Each time, he places his life at risk. And my aunt spends long hours in the Vaults of the Indigo Ajah. Have you ever seen one of them live simply as themselves? No, they live to serve the Tower. It is a mission that ties them all together and chains them from freedom. They have no other choice, and neither do I. See, I was born into it. But you? What connection do you have to the Tower?"

A strange expression passed over her face. Regret? Sorrow? Kaira didn't know what to feel. She avoided Johan's gaze. Her voice softened.

"You should run before it is too late."

Every one of their steps left footprints in the snow, marking their passage so that anyone, if they wanted to, would be able to trace them and see where they’d been and gone. Someone could discover the bodies in the inn and simply follow the footprints, follow the yellow brick road, and find their culprits at the end. Johan knew that he should probably do something about it – get some brushwood to sweep the snow clear as they went – but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His head was still pounding, and it was enough of an effort just to walk. He felt ready to collapse, and it was pretty much pure stubbornness that kept him going.

Lift his foot, place it down, lift his foot, place it down, lift his foot, and then place it down…

The pain in his chest still hadn’t eased, and he felt as if his throat was burning despite the cold. This, he knew, was when he should be seeking out the Void, but he’d never been good at it. Plus, it would probably only make him more aware of how much he hurt.

Instead, he forced himself to focus on Kaira and her words. Everyone had a choice, even when they thought they didn’t. Everyone had the power to say ‘no’ and break away from what they’d always known. It was why he was here. He’d been born into poverty, had been destined to die in poverty, to waste his life away on the streets, but he’d made the choice to change that; had acted in a way that hopefully meant that he could break his whole family away from it all.

“I have no intention of running,” he said. “Why would I want to throw away the chance to train with some of the greatest fighters ever?” He laughed and looked back at her. “Because what are they going to do at the end of it-? Tie me up, pin me down, and force a bond on me? I heard that was against the rules.”

He’d made no mention of why he was at the Tower, and he had no plan to. That was for him and him alone.