The Grey Tower

Alric had been taught about the different Ajahs in his first classes, but he didn’t think he understood them. They seemed like different units in the army. You had your heavy cavalry, pikemen, mounted archers, crossbow men, headquarters companies, logistics, as well as various other jobs such as smiths and fletchers. People could move in between those tasks though, a boy could start his career as a mounted messenger and later become a scout or cavalryman, or a pikeman could lose his arm and become a quartermaster. Being stuck in one unit forever seemed absurd, he’d been in Ridgecat Company his entire military career, but he’d known that as he continued to prove himself he might be assigned elsewhere.

From what he’d been taught, Alric was certain he’d become a Green, or be chosen by them or however it worked, but what happens if he was crippled, or grew old and feeble, would he still be forced to go out and fight? Some Ajahs didn’t even seem to have anything to do with the Power, what advantage did a Grey Aes Sedai have over a negotiator who couldn’t channel? What was the Brown Ajah other than a collection of scholars? He’d spent his early adulthood around scholars, at least the Indigo studied items of the Power.

So far, Taesh had been extremely helpful, so he asked, “What is the point of the Ajahs? Some don’t even seem to require ability to channel. Why is the commitment for life?”

"The way the Ajahs work, really you are committed from the time you decide what your life's calling is. That's the way I think about it" Taesh said in response to Alric's question. "Each Ajah has it's own purpose, ultimately on how they operate in the world and how they approach the Last Battle, may it come long after I have gone to sea."

The darker skinned Dedicated hoped that whatever peace and bonds he was able to forge in his possible long life would help to add strength to the nations of the world when that fated battle happened. However the Atha'an Miere had no desire to be apart of that battle, the attack of the Seanchan was enough for him, and he knew that the Last Battle would make that attack seem as nothing more than a practice skirmish.

"When someone joins an Ajah, it is not because of their skills, but because of their calling. I have a Talent that allows me to grow plants in no time. I could join the Indigo and let them study it until I'm blue in the face, or maybe green. The Yellows would love to have me growing their herbs for the rest of my life. But that is not what I wish to do. My entire life, I have preferred calm seas to choppy waters. I can talk my way out of, or into" Taesh winked at the latter statement. "anything, and I know how to soothe raging emotions. I want to be Grey, because that is what I know I am best at, perhaps even made for. Greens are not just skilled at battle, battle and war and tactics, it's who they are. You couldn't pay a Blue to walk away from a situation that needs fixing. It's who they are."

Taesh smoothed out some invisible wrinkles on his black coat as he continued. "I look at it as if the Tower is the people and the Ajahs are the clans. We all aim toward the same goal as a people, but may have different routes to reach that harbor. So those whose routes are similar have grouped together. Skills vary within each Ajah, but everyone in that clan uses their skills for the goal of the whole."

This talk of callings made a little more sense, but Alric still found it incredibly hard to relate to. Folding his arms, he asked, “How can anybody commit to one calling for their entire life? People change. I haven’t even seen my thirtieth nameday, but I’ve lived more lives than most men. As a boy I thought I would follow my father’s trade, but I had a better head for my mother’s ledgers than wood working. So they found a scholar to apprentice me to.” He’d taken to life as a scholar’s apprentice like a fish to water. Sometimes, he even wondered what would have happened if he hadn’t taken that trip to Cairhien. Maybe he’d be a full scholar in his own right. Maybe House Gallinel would have become his patron.

Alric stopped himself from dwelling on what could have been. “My point is: callings change, interests change. It just seems so… limiting.” Shrugging with a slight grimace, he continued, “It’s not my job to change things here though. I guess I’ll have to learn to live with it. I do wonder, if Ajahs are about callings, not about skill, why do they only accept channelers? Shouldn’t Gaidin and other likeminded individuals be able to join?”

Taesh nodded his head. Alric had a sound argument, but Taesh knew that sometimes there were things that logic could not answer. "It does seem limiting, but I can assure you it is anything but. How does a healer practice their craft for their entire life? Why would a musician sacrifice so much time to perfect their songs and abilities? Some say the Creator mandates or they are woven into the Pattern that way. It simply is I suppose. Interests may change, but the Ajahs are more than an interest" Taesh responded and then looked up at the Soldier with the block square on.

"Remember also, this Tower, we are not just learning to channel and become big scary Aes Sedai and Asha'man for nothing. There is a bargain going on here, though it is all but unspoken. You learn all you can here, the Tower teaches all it can, you have the support of the Tower as long as you walk in the Light. But all that has been given must be used for the Last Battle. Everything is in preparation for that, practice for when the Father of Storms truly tries to wrest everything from the Light. Asha'man and Aes Sedai will be at the helm of that battle, and I daresay those of us from this Tower will be the spearhead of the three."

Taesh released the gaze of Alric and turned to look back at the Warder Yards. "As to why only those who can wield the One Power are allowed in the Ajahs, I am not sure, I am not a member of one myself yet. I have my theories though, as many as there are waves in the sea. The one that sticks out the most to me is this. We will live a long time, everyone else does not. I used to think that as soon as I was an Asha'man I would leave the Tower and return to the Star Song and be my mother's Windfinder. Then I thought about it. If that happened, my mother would grow old a die before my eyes. So would my father, and everyone I knew. And then the next generation as well, possibly even the third. I don't want that to happen. I'd be willing to bargain that is a part of the reason only channelers are in the Ajahs. Gaidin are different, the bond is deep, I have learned. Their calling is battle, and protection of their bondmate. They don't need to be in an Ajah to do that, just to find a channeler who is worthy."

He’d never given it any thought. How long did channelers live? He had parents in Mayene, and cousins. He’d not been in regular contact with them in years, but he couldn’t imagine outliving his cousins and their children by potentially decades or more. The way Taesh had described it, Alric could imagine sitting on an island as the Wheel wove on, watching threads come and go. He didn’t know if he would want that life. Even with the Power, he was just a man.

It didn’t change anything, he was here now, even if he couldn’t figure a way past his Block. Somehow he knew, even if he stayed Blocked forever, it would be too late. He would still outlive everybody he’d known. He still wanted to know. “How long do Channelers usually live? It must be hard to make friends outside of the Tower then.”

Things were beginning to make sense, sadly. It explained at least to a degree, the lofty attitudes and emotional distance many Aes Sedai and Asha’man had. It also explained the reason they called anybody else, child. To them, after so many years, everybody else were just children. You could play with kids, you could even teach them, but you can’t truly befriend a child. He almost pitied their lonely existence, but it would be his too, no matter what he chose.

Taesh sighed. Early on he had struggled with the possibility of a much increased life. He thought he would go crazy at first, his mind conjuring images of a rapidly changing and decaying world that he was apart of but could not die. Friends and family withered to nothing before his very eyes. It had scared the Atha'an Miere in his early days of training in the Tower, so much so that he had thought to run away and deny saidin. Eventually the Seafolk channeler had come to grips with the fact of his extended life. That is why he was worried about the Bargain that his parents had made. The Arches had shown him a vision, that he did not know was true or just created from his own insecurities. Knowing now that barring a violent end, his life would go far beyond the end of his parents and those of the Clan he knew, for possible generations to come, he could not return to the Star Song or the Atha'an Miere. He did not understand how the Windfinders did it.

"I'm not sure Alric. I will say this though, in the Tower those who have not yet reached a hundred years of living are considered young" Taesh supplied. "I have no asked anyone how long they have lived, but if one hundred is young, then two would be middle and three old? How many generations of people, of families, have come and gone in that time? I have read some histories, kingdoms have come and gone in that time. I think that is why the Ajahs admit only channelers, and why we stay so distant from the world, like the horizon from the shore. Always there but so far. We have to, who could stand to be constant witness to that and be alright?"

Alric felt slightly ill. Was that supposed to make him feel better? Most people thought they wanted eternal life, but what would they do with it? That sounded utterly boring. He could use that time to travel and experience the world, but it would get incredibly lonely. It did explain why channellers could be such insular groups. Was he a fool? Wanting rid of a gift many men would kill for? It was eternal youth. He should embrace it right?

“Blood, and bloody ashes,” he said in a low voice, “I really didn’t sign up for that. I mean yeah, they say the army always feeds you a stew full of lies, but I didn’t even choose to join last time. I thought this time was my own choice. Was it?” He walked off a little ways. No land in sight then. Even if he did manage to break his Block, Mayene would have several Firsts in his life time, his cousins would have grandchildren, all he men of his former company would be long dead.

The drifting feeling was returning. It had plagued him from nearly the day he’d left the army. He’d thought he’d out ran it when he’d joined Villies’ caravan. It couldn’t be back now. Things were going so well. Well, better than the last two years at least. No, he wouldn’t let it over come him. Not this time. Forcing a smile onto his face, he looked at Taesh, “I’m a, Soldier. Soldiers see friends die all the time. It’s part of the job. Even if the recruiters don’t ever talk about it. I can’t really do anything about it. I probably won’t ever like it. But it is part of the job.” No, Alric wouldn’t never like it. But hey, a few centuries was plenty of time to find a new purpose.

"That's right. Tide comes in, and you ride with it. It won't be that bad I suppose." The Atha'an Miere realized that talk of prolonged life and what comes with it might not be the more pleasant of topics to talk about. "You know the son of the Wavemistress of my Clan was a nasty little sea viper anytime he was around. I was thinking, how nice it would be to visit him, every year for the rest of his miserable little life. How fun would that be, just to let him see me never age."

Taesh turned back to Alric with laugh. "Don't tell anyone I said that, or I'll have a Red down my throat quicker than the next wave hits the shore."

The Dedicated then placed a friendly hand on Alric's shoulder. "It's not bad here. Actually, and if you tell my mother this I'll deny it then drown you, I like it here better than the ship." Taesh was still smiling, but his tone was very serious. "Don't mistake me, I miss the sea and the waves. And wearing all these bloody clothes all the time annoys me. I feel restricted half of the day. The things that I'm learning and have learned, I couldn't learn anywhere else. Well the Black Tower but, I've not heard the best of things about them. And maybe Cloud Dancing, I might've been able to learn that on the sea, if I found another man to teach me. But you follow me right? The things taught here, can only be taught here. You'll make your earth wall and more besides I'm sure, once you get past that block."

“Am I just being overly dramatic?” Alric asked. “I’ve been away from home for a decade. I haven’t talked to any relatives beyond the occasional letter. After I left the army, I barely met a single person worth keeping in touch with. I’m sure nigh-immortality shouldn’t weigh on me as hard. I mean, you seem to have had a tighter knit family before coming here.”

Gesturing for Taesh to follow, Alric strode over towards the bench where he’d left his shirt and coat. “You seem to have adjusted pretty well. What’s your secret?” He’d spent too many years feeling outside of his element. He’d hoped that he’d be able to find his place here at the Grey Tower, but his inability to actually Channel had left him feeling as if he’d been set adrift again. The news that he’d live for longer than he’d ever even tried to comprehend. Deep down, he was afraid of what else he might not know. What would he find out next? This was his lot in life, so he’d have to make the best of it, just like when he was pressed into service, but he couldn’t do that without knowledge.

Taesh shruged as he followed the Soldier. "I went through a moment of adjustment, like you. Trust me, living on the Star Song is nothing like living here at the Tower. Except this need for rules and penance. Other than, it's like the land and sea, literally." The Atha'an Miere laughed at his own joke. "But then, I make nice wherever I go, almost. Calm waters make me happy, so I make the waters calm."

Taesh sat down on the bench, and began to twist the sword pin on the collar of his black coat. "I didn't think I would make many friends when I first came here. I didn't completely understand everything that was going on around me. But my first roommate and I got along well enough, he'd groan like an old ship in the mornings, I prefer to greet the sun in what I was born in" Taesh grinned. "I think he came to expect it, he is the only one who can call me ship-boy. I don't see him as much, he desires to be Green." The final statement was said in a bland tone and a far off look crossed over the Dedicated's face briefly. "But then I met Jhanic, he has become a good friend to me. If I were Cargomaster, and I could convince him out to sea, he and his would always be welcome on my ship."

Smiling, the Seafolk channeler looked over to Alric. "You will find friends as well I am sure. Make sure too many of them aren't Novices though, they don't like that too much. At least not until you are Raised."