The Grey Tower

The walls were rippling.

Katrie stared at them in utter fascination and disconnected confusion, watching as the wooden planks bowed outwards then inwards, the motions smooth and subtle. But she saw. They were breathing, like she was. Her brows drew together, her forehead wrinkling in the same manner her nose did. Breathing actually kind of hurt. Why? It shouldn't. Her right arm seared with stabbing pain, the leaden throbbing beating like drums that clashed straight to her brain. Was it breathing too?

My arm doesn't breathe. Walls don't breathe either. came the muffled thought, but she couldn't make sense of it. Why didn't it? Her head felt so very strange... like there was a large pocket of air trapped between her scalp and her skull. Something... was touching her head. Everything spun so very slowly, as if the world was dancing around her and she was the only thing standing still. She would have giggled, but she couldn't interrupt the rhythm of her breath as it matched the walls perfectly.

A face appeared above her, hovering, wavering much like the walls and the world around her did, but she knew him, immediately recognizing him. The pretty Cairhienin felt her heart begin to pound, a counterpoint to the drums that thundered up from her arm. Her unsteady gaze traced over the shape of his face, a soft sigh issuing forth from her lips as she lifted her eyes with effort to meet the perfect blue stare.

“Dax,” she whispered, her mouth suddenly struggling to form the words that she wanted to say. The wretched aftertaste of... something... coated her tongue. She blinked slowly, refocusing on him, pleased that she remembered who he was. Of course she would. “I'd know you anywhere.”

The Tairen's face twisted as if he was in pain and his throat moved up sharply, then down as he swallowed, lips pressing together into a thin white line.

“Are you hurt?” Katrie tried to sit up, but couldn't, downward pressure along her shoulder and abdomen keeping her in place. She made a noise of indignation at that, the corners of her eyes tightening.

“No, kitten.” He said it softly, so softly. “I am not. But you are. Lie still.”

“I am. It's everything else that isn't.” Her voice grew in strength as she glanced around wobbly, her glare attempting to encompass the entirety of the room. Her lips set obstinately and the look she gave the Gaidin was petulant. “It's not my fault the walls and my arm are breathing with me.”

A laugh sounded from somewhere behind Dax that Katrie could not see. Her eyes rolled around as she tried to find the source, sable orbs narrowing as a second face swam into view. An older woman, her expression kind, face crinkled with something else...

“Who are you?” the tall Accepted asked suspiciously. “You can't have him. He's mine.”

Dax made the oddest choking sound.

Amusement. The older woman looked down at her in amusement. “Stubborn as you are pretty.” A gentle wrinkled hand laid across her forehead, Katrie mumbling in response to the touch. “A few more minutes, perhaps, but then you will sleep.”

“No I won't,” the pretty Cairhienin answered sullenly. “Don't want to.”

Another chuckle of amusement and the older woman's face vanished. Bleary brown eyes stared at the vacant spot for a moment, her mind trying to resolve the emptiness her vision registered. It wasn't the first time she had had to deal with that particular struggle. She reached for the place in her mind that remained barren and flat and her gaze shifted back to the Tairen. Dax wore the most peculiar expression on his face, but Katrie couldn't figure out what it was. She felt something in her give... and she made a soft almost-whimper of despair.

“I can't feel you anymore,” she told him mournfully, her voice dropping back down into a whisper. “That place in my head where you're supposed to be...” Her voice trailed off for a moment and a different kind of pain flared to life, her face mirroring what she felt. “...is empty and flat.”

Silence.

She didn't mind it, her eyes gradually falling shut despite her best efforts to keep them open. The walls still breathed in time with her arm, but it was Katrie herself that had disrupted the concerted rhythm. Dax was here with her though. He really was. A little smile came to her lips. Light, but her eyelids felt so heavy... and her body was floating... tingling from head to toe even as fire and ice chased through her veins. One moment the twin pulses of her heart and arm thudded in her ears. The next... she was floating away into darkness that hummed in silence.

“Do you know those men?”

Of course he knew them. The al’Naras had chosen one type of work, he and Mando another, and yet all of them fell beneath the nebulous label of “mercenary.” Honorless dogs. Sell swords. Other names, less pleasant. Memories raced in his head, jobs he had taken before he came to the Tower, things so much worse than what those three had been hired to do. Undamaged, Mando had said, but he had sounded regretful. I would have shaken my head in sympathy at one time. Somewhere along the line, he had chosen a different path entirely. How had that come to be? He felt sick, but somehow he got his answer out around the knot in his stomach. Master Barden nodded, then moved on, clearly disliking the task at hand.

“Why did you attack them?”

Oh Light. Dax’s fists clenched, remembering Katrie on the ground. “They tried to abduct my lady,” he said, head tipping back so his eyes could fasten on the mayor’s ceiling. The mayor wanted to know why they would do that. “They were paid to do so. Check their bags, the contract will be there.” That caused a stir; how did he know what they would find in a stranger’s possession? “Did I or did I not just tell you how we met?” Dax asked through gritted teeth. The mayor did not like his attitude, but the Tairen could not make himself care.

His mind had strayed away, to where Katrie slept beneath Mother Greta’s attentive eye. I can't feel you anymore...it’s so empty and flat. The words echoed in his head. Had she meant them? Would she even remember them? His head spun and his chest ached until he forced himself to think on a more pragmatic topic. Surely word of the incident at the inn had made its way back to the Tower already. How long until Mirin Sedai came after them? He supposed it sheer dumb luck that no Aes Sedai or Asha’man had happened by since their arrival in the village.

The mayor departed to check on what he had said. Time passed. Dax’s volunteer guards would not allow him to leave to check on Katrie, so he paced the length of the mayor’s sitting room like a caged animal in a traveling show. Finally Master Barden returned, and Dax forced himself to sit again, his hands palms up on his knees. “Why would Lord Riatin pay to have your lady abducted?”

Dax’s lips thinned. What game did Fenton play by putting his name on those papers? He could not fathom. “Many reasons, Master Barden,” he said with a sigh, “none of them valid, or worth sharing.”

The questions rolled on, Dax struggling to answer without giving away too much. Confirmation that the three had been paid to commit a crime seemed to have altered the mayor’s opinion. Finally Master Barden paused, running a hand over his bald head. “You are not giving me the full story,” he said. “I have my own suspicions as to the truth,” Dax opened his mouth, but Barden waved him silent. “I have no desire for the trouble the truth would bring to my door. Leave as soon as your woman is healed,” he said in clipped tones.

Dax rose and bowed his acceptance. “We will not burden your village for one moment longer than we must,” he said carefully, then turned away. The villager who had guarded the door stepped aside. The Tairen departed, dropping into Cat Crosses the Courtyard as he ducked out the door and made his way back to the inn.

That endless moment of being suspended between heartbeats stretched out, her body going rigid as all of the warmth was ripped from her body, ice flowing through her veins instead. Katrie endured it silently, her entire sense of self reeling. Maybe it was only in her mind, but the overall sensation was not as gentle as she was accustomed to, the flows rougher, almost... prickling as they settled over and into her.

Or. It simply could be the fact that this was her second round of Healing within the span of a few hours.

The pretty Accepted gasped for breath, the muscles in her face twitching as she felt the bones in her arm slowly knit together again, a little further than they had before. She hissed in response. Light, but that was as unpleasant as it was miserable. Bearable, at least. The older woman removed her hands from Katrie's temples and the Cairhienin slumped over and would have simply slipped off the chair, all the bones in her body feeling like jelly, if Dax had not been there to keep her upright, a sturdy arm going quickly around her shoulders.

“That's about all you can take, pretty one.”

“No, I -”

Dax's fingers curled against her upper arm. Mother Greta did not allow her to continue, the stout woman's eyes suddenly stern and hard. “Bring your lady upstairs so she can rest.” That was said to the Tairen, Katrie and her 'foolishness' being ignored completely. “Make sure she eats when she wakes. I would strongly recommend you have her rest another full day before continuing on your travels. I will come to check on her later, but only if she actually listens!”

Something kept the brown-eyed woman wisely quiet.

Next to her, she felt the Gaidin tense, but he merely nodded in acquiescence. Her only protest came in the form of a small aggravated sound as Dax simply swung her up into his arms, but the sudden warning glare Mother Greta leveled at her made Katrie fall silent again. The Tairen treated it as if she weighed next to nothing, despite their nearly similar heights, his pace unhurried and steady as he crossed the distance between the private dining room to the stairs, up them, and finally to the room they shared.

Being held like this... she tried not to think about it, her cheeks flushing red beneath the warm copper hue of her skin. She glanced around, trying to find something else to distract her from the feel of being in Dax's arms. At least their clothes from the previous day were completely dried out by now.

“Sleep, Katrie,” was all he said as he laid her gently down on the bed, pulling the blankets up over her.

Her name. He had spoken her name. Their gazes met for the briefest moment and the strange dream-like memories of the night rose up to haunt her. Walls breathing. Her arm breathing. That strange bubble of disjointed space and distance inside of her head. Had she actually said those things out loud? Oh Light, I hope not... The mere thought of it made her want to find the nearest hole in the earth and crawl headfirst into it. She shifted her look elsewhere and away before she could drown in those perfect blue depths and burrowed into the sheets, using the bed and the blankets as a screen to keep him from seeing too much of her face. Deliberately, she let her eyes close even though all she wanted to do was to watch him.

“Thank you,” she murmured up at him. He did not answer, and soon enough she heard the sound of retreating footsteps, the door closing quietly behind him. Katrie rolled the arm still bound in the makeshift splint from side to side, groaning a little at the tenderness and pain that came with it. She let out a soundless breath, her eyes fixing on the ceiling above her. She prodded irritably at the barren corner of her mind that was slowly suffocating her.

The warmth and relative safety of their room enveloped them as Dax walked through the door. He pushed it mostly closed with his foot, then looked around. Nothing had changed. The mayor and his people had not chosen to look through their possessions…or they had taken care when they did so. Mother Greta had said two nights, but did they truly have that long? Three sell swords had found Katrie with relatively little effort; how much more easily would the Tower learn of her location once the inn's transient residents took to the road the next morning?

He turned to the bed, and lowered the Accepted to the soft mattress. "Sleep, Katrie," he said softly, pulling the thick quilt over her slender form. She looked up at him and as their eyes met, his soul lay bare to her searching gaze. It lasted only a moment before she burrowed into the bed, her face hidden by folds of fabric. He stood still, his mind transfixed by the slight movement caused by her breath.

"Thank you," she murmured, and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. The Tairen did not know how to respond; after a long period of silence, he turned away.

Outside, he pulled the door carefully shut, his hand falling to his side as the latch clicked home. He could go back in, wrap his arms around the woman he had left everything for, and sleep by her side. He thought she wouldn't turn him away. If her dazed words as the poppies stole her pain had been any indication…he forced himself not to think about it. Empty darkness stretched out its long hand, and the Gaidin's knees gave way. He sank to the ground with his back to the door, his head lowered between his drawn-up legs and his eyes staring at the floor.

Why do you insist on torturing yourself? It's almost like you enjoy the pain. Jemis' voice had become a fixture in his mind since they left the Tower. Now he could nearly feel the dead man standing over him, could almost see the mocking smile on a face too similar to his own. I thought you wanted freedom, Dax.

"Shut up," he muttered, his fists clenching. You can't have him, he's mine, Katrie had said to Mother Greta, as if the matronly woman posed some threat to- to what? What did they have? What could they have? He could not bear to be parted from her, and yet being near tore him to pieces.

That place in my head where you're supposed to be...is empty and flat, she had muttered, her face sad…so sad. The Tairen rubbed at his own head absently. She doesn't want you, his brother’s voice told him in acid tones. She let you go. It's a lie…it has to be. How could anyone drunk on poppies lie so convincingly? How could she so perfectly describe the way he felt unless she felt it, too? What did it mean if she spoke the truth?

I want- He dared not think it. The hours dragged as he fought with himself, until at last the dark-haired man fell into a restless slumber against the door frame, his hand clenched around his sword hilt.

Faceless warriors carrying bloody swords chased him in his dreams, heckling him until at last he ducked into the shadow of a tower that rose higher than sight. Nearby, a dark-haired woman with an ageless face held a pair of scissors. As he watched she reached for a line of gold that stretched between him and a distant white-clad figure, her shears severing the cord before he could make a sound.

-

The next morning reminded the Gaidin of other things he had not fully appreciated about the bond. His head throbbed from lack of sleep, and his eyes felt as if he had been ground into the dirt. Half-forgotten snatches of dreams haunted him and his back twinged where it had pressed against the sharp corner of the door frame for too long. He hid it all behind a mask of the ko'di, but even that bubble of calm could only keep out so much.

Katrie had much improved; her arm had nearly healed, and her mind seemed clear. They worked together to prepare for their journey the next day, an odd silence between them that Dax could not fathom. Mother Greta visited mid-morning and laid her hands on the pretty Accepted's temples for the last time. They settled her in the bed to sleep off the last of its effects, and then warrior and healer stepped outside.

"Sleep," Mother Greta told him without preamble. "You of all people should know you cannot fight your enemies with a muddled mind."

"I have to-" Dax began, but the Healer held up her hand impatiently.

"My son will watch over the girl for a time," she said. "Sleep." Muttering to himself, Dax found his way to the smallest empty room he could find and collapsed.

“No!”

She came awake with a sudden jolt, her legs kicking out as she lurched upright, gasping as her mind clawed in blind panic at the nightmare that was already slipping into oblivion. Katrie stared in confusion at the only other occupant in the room, the gawky boy seated by the bed that was all elbow and knees most definitely not Dax. He couldn't have been more than eleven or twelve, cheeks still round and soft with true youth.

“Where's Dax?” she asked before she could stop herself, her tongue feeling thick and heavy. Light, but she was thirsty. Her stomach gave a pointed gurgle as if annoyed that she hadn't thought to acknowledge it first, and she flushed. And hungry, she amended quickly.

The boy stammered out something unintelligible, the pretty Cairhienin unable to decipher what the garbled sounds meant. She shrugged a little at him, pulling the shift back over the shoulder that had been exposed by her rather abrupt flailing.

“N-ne-ee-e...sest d-d-d-ooohh...”

She frowned, repeating the sounds back to herself in her head. Her face lit up. “Next door? Dax is next door?”

Another shake of his head, then the boy simply jumped up and ran out of the room.

“Wait!” But it was already too late. Katrie gaped at the doorway in which the boy had fled out of, completely baffled as to his reaction. She pushed her hair away from her face, a perplexed scowl on her face. What an odd child. And she still didn't know where Dax was. She shoved down the sudden surge of fear, stomach churning, feeling as if leaden weights rolled around in her guts; he would not have left without her. He wouldn't.

She slipped out of the bed as quickly as she could, her toes curling as she placed bare feet onto the cold wooden planks. The memory of being in Dax's arms, the warmth of it... the scent of mint and lemon and him rose up and overwhelmed her. She gasped, her hand pressing over her chest as she doubled over a little from the pain that beat in time with her suddenly pounding pulse.

A quiet tut sounded from the open doorway. “My skills do not extend to Healing that, pretty one,” Mother Greta said almost... kindly.

The Accepted glanced up at the cryptic words, shaking her head. How long had the older woman been there? “My arm is fine. A little sore, but otherwise fine.” She straightened to her full height, rotating her arm from side to side as if proving her point. The muscles complained a little, and there came a slight twinge of protest from the bones themselves, but... she could move it again. White teeth flashed into view as Katrie let out a little smile of delight, despite everything.

The stout woman's gaze turned penetrating but she didn't say anything more about it. “Get dressed. You need to eat. And don't fret, your protector is down the hall, last room on the left. I figure telling you to come straight down is pointless, so go see him and then make your way to the kitchens.”

My protector. Her heart lurched and her thoughts listed completely sideways. Dax.

She tried to ignore the way something warm and soft seared along her very soul, the way her mind immediately went to the hole that his absence had left behind. Light, why was she was so unexpectedly breathless? The door clicked shut and long minutes passed before the tall Cairhienin could even remember how to reach into the saddlebags for the second of her dresses, the wool of a nondescript brown. She found her shoes tucked in a corner behind the bed, glad that she wouldn't have to resort to wearing those white slippers. They were fine for whatever she had to do within the walls of the Grey Tower, but she didn't fancy feeling every rock she stepped on through the thin soles. A brief glance over to the small window showed that it was early afternoon. Katrie pulled her hair back into some semblance of order, closing the door behind her. Down the hall, last room on the left.

She didn't remember walking down the hall. She didn't remember easing open the door, but her breath stopped as she caught sight of the Tairen's form sprawled across a bed that was barely large enough to accommodate him. His breathing was uneven. Was he dreaming? Were they bad, like hers had been?

Dax was still fully clothed and armed. The pretty Cairhienin felt an uncomfortable prickle of guilt, inexplicably upset. Was it because of what had happened to her? Brown eyes were soft as she watched the Gaidin's sleeping form. He shouldn't be sleeping here... alone... Her thoughts hiccuped along, stuttering in her mind. Why hadn't he stayed in their room? Why didn't he stay with me?

Katrie watched him for a moment longer, her feet remaining rooted to the spot even though she wanted to cross the distance between them and lay down next to him, curling against him. But she turned deliberately around, making sure the door did not make a sound as she let it close behind her. If he had wanted her there with him, he wouldn't have chosen to rest in another room. The tall Accepted inhaled sharply, aching suddenly from head to toe. It was so very hard to breathe past the pain in her chest. She made her way back across the hall, her steps taking her down the stairs and to the kitchens.

They were both alone.
* * * The bath made her feel somewhat better, Mother Greta insisting that she remain nearby in case something were to happen. Nothing had, but Katrie didn't try to talk the older woman out of it. Her silence had been met with raised eyebrows from the stout woman, but the Cairhienin pretended she hadn't noticed.

Now she pulled the wooden brush through her hair absently as she leaned against the wall next to the window, watching the last hints of sunset fade. The purple and red that streaked the underside of the horizon reminded her of bruises, the clouds tinted with blood. She snorted at herself and turned away, the brush falling from limp fingers and clattering noisily to the floor as she came face-to-face with blue eyes that hovered in the open doorway to their room. She swallowed, cheeks red, and she hastily bent down and retrieved what she had dropped. He had banked the fire for her.

The Accepted and the Gaidin stared at one another, and once again, she felt her heart ache even as it began to beat faster. Katrie couldn't say which one of them looked away first, but their awkward glances off to the side were very nearly perfect.

“Good night, Dax.” Don't go. Please... stay.

“Good night, Katrie.” But there was nothing to tell him otherwise; not her words, not her feelings, not their missing bond. He stepped out first, the door shutting behind him, leaving her alone again in the room that they should have shared.

Very carefully, she set her hair brush back into her bag so she would not hurl it across the room at the closed door. She went through the motions and preparations for sleep, donning on a clean shift as she laid her dress out to wear tomorrow. Everything else had been neatly packed away. Soon, there was nothing else for her to do. Nothing to occupy her hands and her mind from going to prod at the torment of the empty hole where Dax should have been, nothing to keep her thoughts from following the Gaidin somewhere out there in the Inn beyond the other side of that shut door. Not knowing what else to do, Katrie sank on to the bed, one leg tucked beneath her, her gaze unfocused and distant.

Time passed and when she thought to glance out the small window again, the sky was pitch black. How long had she been sitting here? She wiggled her toes and made herself stand, carefully rolling her arm back and forth. Still a little tender, but any trace of pain was gone. She made to stretch out, but as her arms lifted over her head, she stopped abruptly, head tilting to the side ever-so-slightly. The noise was so faint that she didn't even realize she was hearing it at first. She went still, her weight still balanced on the balls of her feet. Her patience was rewarded. There it was again. Her gaze, curious now, went to the door. It sounded like... like something rubbing against the wooden surface?

Katrie tiptoed across the floor, her palms easing soundlessly down and she pressed her ear to the door. She hadn't been imagining it. It was... the sound of someone shifting outside the door... as if they were dragging a cloth across it. Why? That made no sense. Who would be cleaning at this hour? Her breath caught in her throat as she caught the indistinct sound of a voice, but the words were mumbled, too soft for her to make out. Her hands slipped right at that moment and she barely caught herself from falling. She cursed. A muffled thud from outside and what sounded like the soles of boots scrambling against the floor. Her brow furrowed and she moved back, just enough to give herself the space she needed. She yanked open the door as quickly as she could and then... simply stared.

Dax was half-crouched in front of her and the expression on his face was one of very near panic. Her answering look was one of absolute confusion. Why... what... Dax...? She shook her head at him, baffled. She wanted answers and he was going to give them to her. Before he could escape again, she reached out and grabbed him by his elbow, leaning back and pulling him inside. He had to follow, or her abrupt motion would have sent him falling onto his face. Katrie kicked the door closed and then locked it behind her. Then she tugged at him until they were in very center of the room before she let go, and then only with reluctance.

“Why were you out there, Dax?”

Dax stared up at Katrie, panic skittering across his mind.The low light from the fireplace behind her caught in her hair, and formed a nimbus around her white shift. Dax had to remind himself to breathe. I have never seen anyone so beautiful, he thought. He wanted to catch her slim form in his arms, to lose himself against her lips as their bodies melted together as they had done so many times before. He wanted to push that shift aside and- she reached down and yanked him into the room, kicking the door shut with unexpected force. “Why were you out there, Dax?” she asked.

He shook his head, banishing the thoughts that had so suddenly consumed him. “I don’t trust the people staying at this inn,” he said, pushing a hand through his shaggy black hair. If something happened to you while I slept I would take the world apart piece by piece, his mind interjected. “Even with a lock, these doors aren’t secure by-”

“Why were you out there?” He froze, fingers still entwined in his hair as he caught the emphasis on her words. He carefully did not look at her. Because this void in my mind is more than I can bear. Because it gets worse when you look at me. Because I- He cut himself off. He could not share those thoughts. He raced for a different answer, something safe to explain why he had remained outside. Before he could put two words together, she slipped two fingers under his chin and tilted his head up, studying him with sober face. “Why, Dax?”

He stared at her wordlessly, drowning in the brown eyes that he had dreamed of since the day they met. His chest hurt; it felt like his heart would pound right out of his body. She stood right there, and the only thing separating them now was an armspan of space…and the endless blank space in his mind where she had once been. For a time, he had known every emotion she felt, however fleeting, as well as he knew his own. Anger and resentment had nearly destroyed them both, and yet...somehow he had come to rely on her presence. It had ended so abruptly. Light, he wished she had waited for him to return from the Citadel. He would not have chosen to end the bond if she had asked him then.

The pain in his chest grew. He reached for the dusky-skinned woman, one arm slipping around her waist to splay against her lower back as he pulled her against him. Brown eyes looked up at him in surprise and he touched her face, tracing every curve and hollow as if seeing it for the first time. I have missed you. His fingers lingered on her cheeks and mouth, then fell away as he captured her mouth with his own. Familiar heat seared between them, their bodies molding together as if they had never been apart. After an eternity, or maybe simply moments, he pulled away. “Because-”

She pushed herself up to press her lips against his once more, and whatever he had been about to say dissipated. They continued their frantic explorations of each other’s bodies until at last they found their way to the bed. The tension that had grown since he returned from the Citadel built to a fever pitch, every kiss and caress reminding Dax of what he had missed. He could feel the rising tide of passion within him, could see it in Katrie’s eyes and feel it in her touch, and yet even with their bodies pressed together that feeling of emptiness consumed him. Her lips found the hollow at the base of his throat, and he shuddered, his hands curling against her body reflexively.

Abruptly he pushed her back and sat up, his head and shoulders bowed. The place where you are supposed to be is so flat and empty, Katrie’s voice murmured in his mind. She did understand. He could see it in her eyes with every movement. You are about to make a horrible mistake! That critical voice in the back of his head wailed. Was he? Had he already decided to do it? Yes. The certainty took his breath away. Why? You have your freedom; what more can you want?

Her. He wanted her.

The Tairen reached out, blindly seeking until his fingers wrapped through Katrie’s. He paused then, breath ragged and sharp, before he lifted his hands to press hers palm down on either side of his face. “Katrie, I-” his voice sounded so strange; he cut off, struggling for words. Finally he looked up, blue eyes pleading. “Make me whole again…please.”

Her thoughts were an incoherent jumble, her mind a mess and in shambles as reality reasserted itself. A dream... she thought dazedly, a dream of him. It had not lasted long. Dax had gently pushed her back away from him. Katrie was acutely aware of the rough linen bedsheets that slid beneath her legs as she shifted, completely at a loss as to why he had done so. The sound of uneven breath was the only thing that broke the silence that descended upon them.

He stopped.

Why had he stopped? Her mouth skewed to the side, the corners of dark brown eyes tightening. He... didn't want... her? But... what about the moments just before...? The tension that had thrummed between them, the... Light! Her body shook beneath lines of palpable fire, woken by the feel of his touch caressing her skin and she felt as if she was going to go mad. The flat emptiness in the corner of her mind laughed at her as she reached for it, the pretty Accepted remembering too late that there was nothing there.

The Tairen refused to look at her, his shoulders taut, his chin nearly resting on his chest. She was so confused, her uncertainty bordering on pain. What did he want from her? Not her... obviously... since he had pushed her away and... Oh. Katrie turned away as her face fell. The... hurt that welled up from her chest took with it all the breath from her body.

She did not expect to feel his fingers twine together with hers. Her head whipped forward, a furrow appearing between her brows as Dax shifted... bringing her hands up and pressing her palms firmly down against either side of his face. He covered the backs of her hands with his, fingers still wrapped through hers. She felt the fine layer of the Tairen's stubble tickling at the the sensitive skin along the pads of her fingers and the base of her thumbs, while the rough calluses along the Gaidin's palms brushed over her knuckles as he held her hands in place.

“Katrie I -”

Dax finally lifted his head and the perfect blue of his eyes bore into her. Sable ones stared back at him, her lips parting slightly. She had... seen that look once before, when she had found him sitting alone amidst the ruins of the old Tower, the Gaidin allowing the fancloak to fall to the ground as he pulled her against him. Please...I need to forget. She had thought him defenseless and vulnerable then, but that was but a mere shadow to what she saw in his eyes now. The pain in her chest disappeared, replaced with... something else... something that wanted to soar...

“Make me whole again...please.”

It took some time for Katrie to grasp the full meaning of Dax's words. They stared at one another, the moment stretching out into eternity as they watched one another. Her startled gasp rose up between them, and she felt him press down harder against her hands in response. He understood. Oh Light, he understood! For the second time in as many minutes, she felt the breath leave her body, brown orbs completely round. Memories cascaded over her, wrapping around her with long, curling tendrils... each one different yet the same because he was in them.

Stay awhile kitten. I'll take you back long before anyone knows you are gone.

My name, Dax.

You can undo it, right? It's just for a little while? So do it. Let me feel you, kitten.

Why don’t you hate me?

How can I hate you when you're the only one who has ever given me freedom?

Freedom. Hadn't he wanted freedom? Away from her? Her stomach churned and she felt as if she might be sick. She was afraid. Light, she was so afraid... afraid of what? Her pulse was racing, the sound of her heartbeat like thunder in her ears. She shied away from the empty place in her mind that... he should have filled. I can't feel you anymore. That place in my head where you're supposed to be is empty and flat.

There had been crimson warmth and gold light there... towards the end, after... after Dax had saved her in the streets of Hama Valon. Oh Light, she missed that. She missed him. And she had lived with the dread that he had not missed her. But he had run away with her. He had left everything behind to come with her.

Make it better, Dax.

Katrie felt the rapid motions of her chest as it rose and fell. He was missing from her. That realization... finally given substance and form... oh Light, the enormity of it... washed away everything else and the tall Cairhienin felt the last of her struggle fade. The fear was still there, and it bubbled and boiled. But she feared being alone even more, trapped forever inside of her mind that could no longer tolerate being the only one there. She was terrified of losing him all over again. But... but she didn't have to be alone. And... if she felt him, then she wouldn’t lose him… she would always find him. Light, oh Light he wanted it too; he wanted it back. He wanted her back. Brown eyes filled with tears and Katrie closed them before any could escape.

Slender fingers curled against either side of his face and she felt Dax's head lift slightly, as if the Tairen was aware of the sudden change in her that she so keenly felt but could not articulate. Katrie forced her eyes open, even as a tear rolled down her cheek. She... had to see. Saidar came when she called to it, the pretty Cairhienin letting the river of the Source fill her. She spun out long threads of the five separate elements, weaving them together as she had done once before. The breath caught in her throat as she laid out the strands of Power across and around Dax, her insides quailing as she felt slight resistance, followed by unmitigated relief as the weave melted into him.

She swallowed hard, releasing her hold on saidar. A heartbeat, then two... and suddenly she felt something unfurl in her mind, a hesitant brush of another awareness across her very sense of self. Dax!! The tentativeness faded, their emotions blazing and twining together, his mind promptly wrapping around hers. Ecstasy, elation, wonder... all these feelings, and more, flowed and ebbed across the newly remade bond as if they had never been apart. Her unbridled surge of joy was mirrored by an answering wave that crested with that same fierce joy, warmth, and gold, Katrie stunned as pure light and glory reached out and enveloped her.

Katrie's hands moved on his head, and her eyes shifted, turning inward in a way he had begun to realize meant she channeled the One Power. He closed his eyes rather than pull away as he had the first time, allowing his temples to rest against her fingers. His chest ached, his breath came short, and his heart hammered painfully against his ribs.

Make it better, Katrie…

Something that did not belong to him moved in his mind, then expanded until it filled his consciousness with blinding light that sparked and flared behind his closed eyelids. He knew what that meant; he had experienced it once before in his chambers before everything had gone to ruin and ash. He gasped, his fingers digging into his thighs as his essence struggled to accept the change woven into it. Please… His last wall fell and he relaxed entirely, the full weight of his head supported by the brown-eyed woman's hands. Gradually, the light receded.

Eyes still closed, the Tairen tentatively reached for Katrie with his mind, feeling toward the spot that had been excruciatingly empty for far too long. A wave of curiosity tinged with fear greeted him in response, flowing around and through his own emotions as if it had never left. A touch of recognition, relief, and then- blinding joy and something golden and soft suffused all else.

His heart leapt in response, and he looked up. Blue eyes met brown, and even as Katrie's hands fell away, that golden glow burst open. It reflected between them a thousand times over, refracting and arcing until he could barely breathe. He could feel the shock that rolled through her as she stared at him, but his full attention focused on her face. Light, I can feel her. He reached out, once again cupping her face in his hands, his thumbs running over the curve of her cheeks to brush her tears away, over the arch of her brows, down either side of her nose and around her mouth. His fingers spread into her hair, and he simply stared at her, floating in a sea of golden bliss.

"I have…dreamed…of this," he said softly, stroking her hair back with one hand. "I missed you, Katrie. I…" his breath caught, "I love you," he whispered, awed by the magnitude of what he felt for her. Her eyes grew wide, and wild exultation suddenly exploded in that part of his mind that belonged to her, her hands flying up to grab at his hair. They stared at one another for one more breathless moment before his lips crashed into hers with an electric shock that reverberated through their bond and bodies alike. Crimson etched its way through the gold in their shared awareness, consuming them with fire. His lover arched her back to press against him and the world melted as their bodies, hearts, and minds twined together in perfect synergy.

Katrie trembled against his hands, the gentleness of the tender touch that traced along the shape and curve of her cheeks, nose, and mouth at odds with the sheer intensity of the emotions that shone across the bond, flaring brighter and brighter in brilliant bursts of colour behind her eyes. She could scarcely breathe. Oh Light, she was drowning, but she didn't care. She was drowning in... warmth and softness and crimson fire. The world was alive again. And over that, winding through every single thing she thought or felt... unwavering glistening gold... Dax...

“I have…dreamed…of this.” His voice was soft, his touch reverent as his fingers stroked upwards along the line of her jaw, brushing somehow against the nape of her neck before he pushed some of the hair away from her face. “I missed you, Katrie.”

She made a noise, or she would have, if she had the breath to make it. Her eyes shone up at him and her lips parted, her chest rising and falling rapidly, so very rapidly. I missed you too. she tried to tell him, but she couldn't get the words out past the sudden lump in her throat. She pushed what she was feeling through their shared awareness, letting him feel her, letting him feel all the things she wanted to say but was too overwhelmed to.

“I…” he stopped for a moment, and something new soared up between them, the sensation coming from the Tairen through the bond as it twined around her from head to toe before spiraling up to join with Dax again, pulling her along into light and glory given shape and form. “I love you.”

Brown eyes became perfectly round, and there was a moment in between the thunder of her heartbeats that Katrie wondered briefly if she was dreaming. If she was... the Wheel would not be so cruel, would it? Her hands flew up to either side of Dax's head, fingers curling into his hair. It felt real. He felt real. Oh Light, oh Light, oh Light... the gold. There was so much gold. She couldn't have just dreamed this; this... this... was beyond her wildest, most secret dreams.

Dax... Dax... I love you too.

She would tell him later... when she could... she was not dizzy with overwhelming bliss, giddy with wild and untamed exultation. There was no other way for her to feel, and as she stared into the mesmerizing blue of his eyes, she let herself drown in them, finally, without worry or hesitation. He had found a way to make it better.