The Grey Tower

Dax watched her intently. With sword in hand, he became a different person. The Gaidin spoke of something called the Ko’di, or the Oneness. He supposed it was something like that for him, though he felt anything but empty or emotionless. More, it was simply that he could focus better amidst distraction, think faster, and react more quickly, than he could at other times. Even facing his lover on an open field did not change that.

He tested her gently, noticing the imperceptible flinch when their blades clashed, how she pulled away just as her sword was about to connect. With each strike she grew more confident, and even tried to hit him, and yet still, that odd pull. He studied her through the next series of blows, until finally it occurred to him that this slender woman had likely never been encouraged to actually strike out at those who threatened her.

“Stop that,” he said finally, twisting his blade up to catch hers hilt-to-hilt above her head for a moment. She looked at him, startled. He closed his eyes, took a breath to steady himself, then forced himself to continue. “I told you, Katrie, you aren’t going to hurt me. You may be a noblewoman, but this is no fancy ballroom- no one is going to judge you for giving your all. Get angry. Remember your father calling you a stupid girl. Remember that servant who scolded you as a child. I don’t care what it takes- hit me.” He bared his teeth at her and stepped away, letting her sword fall back down.

“Guard.” He brought his sword back up and waited.

Dax didn’t know what he was asking.

Katrie brought her arms up again, her breathing slow despite the way her mind spun. Her heart thundered in her chest as she tried to ignore what the tall Tairen had said.

I don’t care what it takes.

Suddenly, despite everything she had done since then to try and forget, the memory of the Arches crashed into her with such force that she felt herself rocking backwards from it. She staggered, then stumbled, catching herself with her hand before she fell flat on her face in front of everyone at the Yards and Dakson bloody Torellion. Blue-grey eyes drew blood first, Katrie quailing away from the look of Rav’s betrayal. It’s not too late… Light, what had she done? Stupid stupid girl She gasped, once, twice… and finally a third time, irritating granules of dust from the Yards coating her tongue.

I love you Katrie.

I love you, Mama.

Her hand clenched against the wooden handle, her eyes burning with tears that her pride would not let fall. She ached from the inside out, her skin feeling as if it was on too tight. Her pulse throbbed against her skull, drowning out the sound of everything else. Booted feet appeared at the very edges of her vision and Katrie realized she was on her knees. She hissed, forcing the air out between gritted teeth, and she lashed out with the wooden practice sword, intending to sever those ankles from Dax’s legs.

She sensed, rather than saw him jump back, Katrie scrambling gracelessly to her feet. Thought did not penetrate the inferno of emotion that erupted from the shattered pieces of herself that had come through with her from the Arches, the rage and self-loathing that she had hidden away screaming to the fore - and begged for release. She felt… cold. But she was burning. Maybe the ice would burn her away, erase away everything she felt. It was too much. She couldn’t bear it.

Dax’s shoulders. His hips. She watched both of these things, finding that she couldn’t feel anything when his practice sword connected with her body. She could tell by the way his expression changed that something wasn’t right. Katrie didn’t care. She wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to hurt her. Each swing was wild, frenzied, and when she encountered high block, middle block, low block… guard… she only swung harder. Her feet moved with a life of their own, bringing her closer in, close enough for her to aim at his face. She swung and swung again, her shoulders following through.

The Ji stopped her blow inches from his nose, the loud clack and ensuing jolt making her arms go numb for several heartbeats. Katrie let out a noise of extreme dissatisfaction. She tossed the practice sword to the ground, her hands balling into fists. Again, she aimed for Dax’s face, and again, he stopped the blow, his larger hand curling around her smaller fist.

“Not good enough, Torellion,” she hissed.

He had chosen his words carefully, intent on eliciting a reaction, of finding something for her to focus on to give strength to her arm. Her response, however, exceeded even his wildest expectations. What happened to you, kitten? The thread of genuine concern that wound through his mind shocked him. Yes, her body felt amazing against his, and her kisses made him dizzy, but he could have that anywhere, with anyone. She was a grown woman- why did he care why she had fallen to her knees?

He saw her face contort and her arm lashed out with the practice sword. He jumped back and she pulled herself to her feet, her face contorted with true rage. He grinned. Whatever was going on in her mind, he had accomplished exactly what he sought: anger. She lashed out at him, each swing bearing every ounce of strength in her body with it. He parried easily, but the sheer force of her blows compared to what she had been doing before impressed him. If you fought like this all the time, you would be a force to be reckoned with. For some reason, that thought pleased him.

He noticed too late that her eyes had gone flat; her sword flew at his face. He knocked it out of the air, and she dropped it, throwing herself forward with her fists instead, sobbing. He caught her hand in his, barely registering the bruising force of the blow, then snatched the other out of the air. She hissed at him, but he slowly pushed her arms down, eyes locked on hers. “Katrie,” he said, but she didn’t respond, beyond trying to pull herself free of his grip.

He looked around, abruptly aware of an odd silence. The Yards had gone still, but as his gaze swept over the others, they hastily returned to what they had been doing, eyes averted. All but the Gaidin. The blond man met him eye to eye, never shifting from his position. There is absolutely no way he could know, he thought, but a cold thread of apprehension found its way into his mind anyway.

“Katrie!” he said more sharply, shaking her arms. She tried to kick him, thrashing against his grip. With a sigh, he let go of her wrist and yanked her forward, pinning her -and her arms- against him. He ignored her struggles as he pulled his other arm free and slapped her face sharply, but without much force- once, twice, three times.

The Gaidin finally broke eye contact, and Dax looked down in time to see Katrie’s eyes refocus. He stared down at her silently, his hands shifting to a more comfortable position before he realized what he was doing. His arms didn’t want to let go, but painfully conscious of those who surrounded them, he carefully loosened his grip. He watched to be sure she wouldn’t try to punch him again before releasing her entirely.

“That was much better,” he said. “But hold onto a little more of yourself next time, Katrie. Frenzy has its place, but it can also get you killed. I think it is time to stop, at least for now.”

The pretty Cairhienin was not so childish as to ignore him, but neither did she really give any sort of acknowledgement either way to what Dax said. He had no right. No right to make her remember. It… He… She took a deep breath through her nose. It didn’t matter. Without the towering pillar of rage to help her, everything seemed curiously flat.

She murmured something unintelligible and put distance and space between them. The gold ring on the third finger of her right hand suddenly felt heavier than she remembered, and she fancied that her shoulder was being visibly dragged down by it. Katrie spared a glance down at it, her eyes tracing over the serpent biting its own tail. Such a pretty thing, for so high a price. It was not the first time that thought had chased itself across her mind.

There were streaks of dirt and dust on her skirts, she noticed in an oddly detached way. She felt cold… and curiously empty, as if she had been hollowed out and carelessly left empty. Dark eyes were slow to lift, but she found that blue ones were already looking at her, watching her.

She dipped into a shallow curtsey. Numb. She felt numb. Katrie nodded towards Dax before she undid the knot of pristine white at her waist, the banded hem falling down around her feet. Dark eyes spared a glance over to the other man that seemed intent on seeing how this all played out. “Thank you,” she said, directing that at Dax. Her voice was perfectly even.

He nodded acceptance of her thanks, his eyes flicking to the Gaidin briefly. The man seemed intent on cleaning his fingernails. The Tairen’s eyes shifted back to his companion. “You know where to find me when you want me, Katrie,” he said simply, their ritual words of farewell slipping easily from his lips. Why had he agreed to teach her here? Why not lessons in a tavern courtyard, the Gardens, anywhere but the Practice Yards? He wanted to catch her against him again, smooth her hair out of her face, ascertain with hands and mouth and body that she bore him no ill will. No chance of that there, no indication of when he might get the chance, either.

She turned and walked away without another word, her back straight and head held high, banded hems once again concealing her perfect legs. Dax folded his arms and sucked on his knuckles in consternation as he watched her go. What have I gotten myself into?

A hand on his shoulder finally drew his attention away, and he turned to find himself face to face with the blond Gaidin. He flushed, feeling the hot and cold shivers of adrenaline coursing through his body, and bowed his head jerkily. “What can I do for you, Gaidin?”

The man gave him a level look and said simply “follow me.” His body seemed to fade into the ground behind that bloody shifting cloak as he walked away without another word. Dax stood stock still for a moment, his mind struggling to comprehend what had just happened. Katrie. He had hurt Katrie? No. She had tried to hurt him. And a Gaidin had watched, and now wanted him to follow.

Abruptly, realization of what was about to happen dawned on him. Swearing profusely, the tall Tairen followed the Gaidin, his mind still in chaotic splinters.