The Grey Tower

“I am your friend, Katrie. I'll always be here to talk to. I'm here for you.”

The way his eyes closed, the spasm of fleeting emotion that chased across his face didn't match the quiet reverence of his voice. Her head tilted to the side as she studied Rav's demeanor, her eyes widening a little as she realized with some vague sense of awareness that... something was not right... that a struggle of some kind was happening with him. She felt her insides quaver at that thought, the mere idea of the Shienaran Drin being troubled, or in trouble, sending a peculiar trill of panic through her.

She had to make it better. She had to...

“Rav.” She spoke his name clearly, loudly enough that he would definitely hear it. His eyes fairly popped open and blue-grey orbs were wide, as if he was seeing her for the first time. The smile that came to her face as both gentle and tentative, luminous dark eyes soft. She squeezed his hands, trying to be as reassuring as he had been for her. Katrie didn't know if she would succeed, but she wanted to try. For him.

“Something's... wrong... and you're not telling me.” Her mouth skewed a fraction of an inch to the side, but she didn't look away. “You don't have to tell me what it is but...” she curled her fingers inward, letting the very tips of the first two fingers of each hand stroke along the middle of Rav's palms before she withdrew her touch. It was almost instinctive, the way that she returned to holding on to his hands again. “Whatever's bothering you, it's going to be alright. It'll be okay, Rav, because I'll always be here as well.”

She must have said something right because the line of his shoulders relaxed slightly, some of the tension visibly draining out of him. Her own relief was palpable and she clasped his hands tighter in hers, giving his fingers a firmer squeeze before she beamed at him. Again, that seemed to be the right thing to do, because Rav's lips twitched in response and soon he was returning her smile. Words did not carry the same meaning for her as touch did, but Katrie was beginning to see that sometimes words were necessary and could be just as important.

“Always so serious,” she teased him lightly, soft eyes taking away any unintended sting. “It's not healthy all the time, you know. It'll give you wrinkles. So, let's talk about something not-so-serious!”

A subtle motion in his chair, a shifting of his shoulders as if he was preparing to take or parry a blow, and Rav was eyeing her warily. He didn't even have to say anything.

The tall Novice gave a playful toss of her head, her indignation lacking any real heat. “I'm pretty sure that I haven't done anything to warrant that look.”

“My apologies.”

Katrie grinned in response, slowly bringing her hands together so that his were pressed between hers. “And here I thought you wanted to know about the One Power and saidar.” She relented with a laugh as he wiggled his hands apart, somehow managing to slide his larger hands over hers without breaking contact. She could feel the rough edges of his calluses press into the backs of her hands.

“Mmm.” The noise she made was thoughtful. “When we first met, I didn't tell you all of what I was doing in the Library. It... wasn't really for books. I just... didn't know how to bring it up. It's not a secret, don't worry,” she was quick to clarify, “It's not something I really talk about with people.” Her smile turned crooked. “I can do something the Aes Sedai refer to as 'Reading Residues'. Accepted Mirin knows. She was the one that told me what it was. I was warned against thinking I was special... not that I think what I can do is particularly special, but there's no one else I know of in the Tower that can do this. It's kind of hard to explain... I don't fully understand how it works myself, just... what I see and have figured out on my own.”

The pretty Cairhienin pursed her lips and began tapping one of her index fingers against the heel of Rav's palm. “When a woman does something with saidar, it leaves behind an imprint. Normally, When the channeler releases their hold on the weave, it disappears. Or so I've been told. I've never experienced that. I can see these imprints hours after the weaves have been released – sometimes even days after. The more Power that was used, the longer the residue stays visible.”

Absently, Katrie realized she was playing with Rav's fingers again. She didn't make herself stop. “At first, I could only see them when I was holding the Source. Now I can see them all the time.” Her nose wrinkled. “Some places are worse than others... the Channeling Yards is the absolute worst. Just looking at all of the residues and imprints makes my head hurt and I get dizzy. I was trying to get away from all that and the Library... it's nice because there, I rarely see any. It's quiet and... well, quiet in more than one way, I suppose. I just didn't expect to run into someone as interesting as you there.”

Interesting? That probably wasn't as much of a revelation as it would have been at the start of this conversation. Ravak just wished he understood what was going on inside of Katrie's head. He knew that women could act very oddly indeed, contrary to logic and emotion. Katrie was a level beyond that.

He focused on what he could comprehend for certain. He understood something about the Power, albeit not enough to hold a discussion on the matter. It involved weaving threads that only another channeller could see, or some such. Was being able to see imprints after the fact something remarkable? He presumed so. It definitely sounded problematic, if she had to avoid part of the Tower Grounds because of it. Although, it had brought her into the Library...

Rav was glad he had found somewhere just as quiet for Katrie to escape to. He was also glad he hadn't drawn her into the Library today. A Drin and a Novice holding hands wouldn't be tolerated, and he very much enjoyed her delicate warmth. It was funny how he had forgotten about such a simple pleasure as another's touch. She was playing with his fingers, Rav noticed. From another woman, he would have thought that meant something. Take care, a voice hissed in his mind. A kiss and holding hands... You're friends, just friends. He found it cute when she wrinkled her nose like that.

"The Warders Hall should be quiet for you as well," he said without thinking through the full implications of those words. A grin came across those downturned lips of Katrie's, but Rav carried on without noticing. "I suppose there are a few Novices or Accepted who come down to train, but you don't learn how to use weapons by using the Power." He recalled how she said she would come to the Yards, and he had promised not to laugh. He couldn't quite envisage Katrie wielding a sword or a quarterstaff. She was too graceful for that. Maybe a cudgel? That wasn’t graceful, but it somehow seemed a match for her temperament.

Rav grinned at his own senselessness, and she returned it. "You're thinking about something, aren't you?"

He nodded. "I'm imagining you cracking Gaidins’ skulls with a cudgel.” He delivered that with a chuckle.

She laughed at that, a rich and merry sound. The look she gave him was sidelong. “Do I look pretty while doing it?”

Rav’s chuckle ended with a croak. Now that was a precarious question. An answer sprung to mind immediately, and a lack of cautiousness meant it was half out of his mouth before he realised. “I think you look magnificent no matter what you do.”

I think you look magnificent no matter what you do.

The pretty Cairhienin had been shamelessly seeking a compliment, it was true, but... Katrie hadn't actually expected Rav to give it. The way she flushed with pleasure at his words was genuine, as was the honest joy that lit the depths of luminous dark eyes. She shifted in her chair, the motion involuntary as the sudden delight she felt thrumming through her body demanded some kind of physical acknowledgment... and release.

“I...” her voice caught in her throat and she found herself having to clear it. The look she gave him was shy as she uncharacteristically bit down on the corner of her mouth, unsuccessful in stopping the smile that bloomed across her face. “Thank you.”

Her reaction seemed to please him, that grin she liked so much back on his face. She had to suck in a little breath. Katrie liked Rav's laugh too, she realized. And his chuckle. And... and... it was something he didn't do enough of. Not nearly enough of. Her chest felt... full... full of warmth and sunlight... as if she was holding on to saidar. Only different. And she knew she wasn't. How odd... but she liked the way it felt. She shifted again, feeling the pristine white Novice dress bunch beneath her thighs as the material snagged against the wooden chair.

Her fingers were twitching, or maybe she was moving them without really thinking about it... without meaning to?... each brush of sensitive skin against his callused palms sending tiny sparks of static fire through her nerve endings. Her stomach slowly flipped, once, twice, end over end, eventually becoming a slowly whirling pool of warmth and static and sparks.

She had been told she was pretty before, by men who were both older and more experienced than the Shienaran Drin, men who were as effusive with their praise as with their desire for her company in a more intimate setting, but... none of it had ever affected her like this. It didn't even matter if Rav was only saying what she wanted to hear. Though... Katrie made herself look into the still pools of blue-grey and somehow knew that the words he had spoken were not done to appease her vanity or ego.

What did that mean then?

She felt as if she should know, and it frustrated her that she didn't... couldn't... but any negative emotion was short-lived as she felt a feather light touch stroke along her pulse point again. A tremor raced up through her, shooting from the very tips of her toes to strike up into the very center of her core. Already scattered thoughts flew further apart and Katrie drifted back to something familiar and solid, her fingers twining together with thicker ones, dark eyes tracing over the slopes, planes, and angles of Rav's face.

I want to kiss him.

And just like that, a mountain fell down on top of her.

Friends. They were just friends. He had been very clear about that. And yet... it didn't make anything better as she watched the way his throat moved, the faintest hint of upwards motion before dipping down slightly, every time Rav breathed or swallowed. Katrie couldn't bring herself to look away, eyes following up the line of jaw and cheek. Her gaze lingered a fraction of a second too long on his mouth, his lips not longer smiling. She started guiltily, positive that what she was thinking was plastered across her face for him to see. He wasn't doing that odd glaring thing... nor was he looking off into the middle distance just over her shoulder... no, if anything, he was looking straight at her, concerned.

Friends. That's all they were. That's why he gave you his key. She immediately recalled Rav's earlier comment of the Warders Hall being quiet for her as well and the pretty Cairhienin wanted to kick herself. He meant from channeling and residues! and most certainly not what she found herself thinking about. Katrie felt herself floundering. She didn't know how to be a friend. She didn't know how to act, what to say, what to do... But all the other things she couldn't seem to stop herself from thinking about now that she had mentally crossed that line? Those things she knew... those things she was familiar with... how to act, what to say, what to do...

She pulled away from Rav, putting physical distance between them as she made sure her back was pressed firmly against the uncomfortable chair. Her hands went slack in his. The pretty Cairhienin couldn't quite make herself let go, the very tips of her fingers still nestled in the palms of his hands. Katrie made herself smile, aware and wanting to soothe away Rav's concern. There wasn't anything that he could do, and nothing that he had to worry himself over.

“Rav?” She was pleased that her voice was steady, if faint. “What's your sister like? Was it difficult, having to leave her and your family?”

Half of his thoughts were vexed frustrations at the enigma that was Katrie. The other half were daydreams of her.

Once more, something that should have been taken well had been twisted. Far beyond a look that told him he had done wrong, she had withdrawn from him. Their fingers still touched, but it was like the spark of light inside her had winked out. "Thank you" had transitioned into a false smile.

"Rav?" Her voice was soft, not at all the confident Novice he knew. "What's your sister like? Was it difficult, having to leave her and your family?"

If whatever he had done had snuffed out her light, Katrie's words twisted a dagger that had been long forgotten about in his side. His hands drew back, breaking contact finally. But instead of slumping into his seat, he leaned forward, arms crossed on the desk in front of him.

"Elia is..." He had to swallow the lump in his throat before continuing. "Elia is my big sister. She's always been the mature one between us, the one with the brain and wisdom. And she's pretty, I suppose. Certainly she gets more compliments about her looks than I do." A hand ran through his hair self-consciously. "Aside from red hair, we don't look much alike. As I said before, she takes after my mother. Very Shienaran. A wonderful cook." Suddenly he missed her cooking, the smell of baking bread or sweetcakes.

"I know that most siblings don't get along, but we truly did. We shared most things with one another, aside from a house and parents. I can likely sew and cook better than most Drin." He grinned. "I think we even orchestrated one another's love lives for a while, we were that..."

We were that close.

He scratched at his forehead again, flakes dusting his arms, his legs and the table. "I tried to convince her to join me, when I left. We were..." He clasped his two hands together. "I held off leaving for weeks, trying to ebb away at her, but in the end." Rav's hands fell apart. "The quarrels between our parents, they were fights almost. Fights over my training, the lack of progress I was making." He shrugged meekly, a small gesture. "I couldn't let it carry on, and I couldn't just accept my failures neither."

His stare had slowly fallen through the exchange, until he was staring blankly at his hands. His vision swam with the formation of tears. "I, er... I'm sorry. I try to forget about it sometimes. It's a bit easier that way."

Katrie couldn't help the way she leaned in, despite having purposefully pulled herself back mere moments before. She was so focused on what he was saying, hanging on to every word that passed from his lips, that she didn't consciously notice when he withdrew his touch. Another part of her brain did though, and there was a momentary pang of something, wisp-like and faint, that spiraled up from her heart as their hands finally broke contact. The disquieting tendril quickly burrowed deep down into her soul, curling in on itself. Hidden from sight, the twinge of discomfort was quickly forgotten and dismissed as almond shaped dark eyes watched the Shinearan Drin's face with rapt fascination.

The way Rav spoke of her... of Elia... The pretty Cairhienin realized with a start that it was in much the same way she spoke of her mama. The soft reverent tones, the faint lift at the corners of his mouth, the way his blue-grey eyes grew distant and softened... it could have been a mirror to her own experience. Katrie nodded to herself. She understood. She understood all too well. She felt some sense of peace, finally, breathing out a soft sigh – too soft for him to hear, she hoped.

He could sew and cook! Her face lit up with surprise and wonder. She knew how to do absolutely neither of those things. And when he grinned, she felt an answering one dance across her lips. Light, but she adored his eyes. They were wonderful and expressive when he wasn't glowering or glaring. She could look into them for hours and still be unable to find a spot or blemish in the crystal clear depths. She liked the way he looked at her. She could watch him watching her and never grow bored. She enjoyed teasing him... he was too serious by half. But maybe that was a Borderlander trait. If she recalled correctly, her own great-grandmother had also been a Borderlander, imposing and formidable. From Kandor? Yes, that sounded right... Kandor! Katrie sat up straighter. That meant she had some connection to the Blightborder too! Kind of.

But then, something in his expression shifted... and the grin that had been sitting so easily on his face disappeared, returning it too quickly to the too solemn lines and angles, shadows rolling over the blue-grey eyes. Rav reached up to scratch at his forehead, dislodging a fresh smattering of white flakes that fell around him. His face fell and Katrie tensed, the breath stalling in her lungs as she braced herself for... what?

Oh... he had tried to convince Elia to come with him. The Novice frowned slightly, trying to imagine what it would be like to be the root of parental arguments, but she couldn't grasp that. She couldn't grasp what it would be like to have both parents present... but it was real for Rav. And it clearly upset him. Even now. He wouldn't look up at her, his gaze fixated on his hands. The small shrug he gave hurt her to watch, the way he withdrew into himself striking a chord deep within her. Both it and the hidden, curled tendril hummed faintly. She felt an unfamiliar stab of emotion that left her breathless. Why had she asked about his family?

And then he apologized to her. Katrie felt herself stiffen and she bristled, indignant and suddenly furious. Rav had nothing to apologize for!

Stupid stupid girl.

She ignored her papa's mocking voice in her head. She didn't have time for that.

The pretty Cairhienin reached out blindly, the need to comfort Rav sweeping everything else away. “Don't apologize.” It was said harsher than she intended, the command softened only by the fact that she hadn't intended it as such. She was half-way out of her chair and partially standing, leaning forward precariously over both sets of desks as she threw her arms around him. She felt the Shienaran Drin jerk, his head lifting so that the very point of his chin struck painfully against her collarbone. She winced, but she lacked the reflexes to spare them that collision. Instead, Katrie squeezed him as hard as she could, not fully understanding why she did so... why she needed to do so.

She simply did.

“You don't have to apologize for anything,” she told him quietly, her lips a mere fraction of an inch from his ear. “I'm sorry I asked. I didn't mean to upset you. Rav I - ” Her voice ended in a curious bubble of sound – almost a squeak – as she felt Rav's arms come around her. Tentatively at first, but soon she found herself pulled against him, his face pressed against her shoulder.

“There's no need for you to apologize either.” His voice was slightly muffled, but there was an odd quality to it that she couldn't identify, the very edges of his words rough with... something. Katrie felt the world spinning strangely and leaned against him so that she wouldn't fall over. He smelled like a curious combination of... hints of leather and metal, even though he didn't have much of either on him that she could see. He also smelled... warm. If warmth had a scent, then that was what the pretty Cairhienin associated with Rav.

“I... didn't mean to upset you though,” she told him earnestly, her voice small. “I just... I just wanted to know what it was like for you.”

“You didn't upset me.”

She couldn't see his face, but Rav sounded so sure of himself. But she had just watched the evidence that she had upset him. Her nose wrinkled. “Yes I did –”

“Katrie.”

“Hmm?”

“Stop.”

Dark eyes blinked. She opened her mouth to protest but felt a very obvious warning squeeze from Rav. She closed her mouth and made a soft noise of displeasure. He coughed, even as his shoulders began to shake slightly. Katrie frowned at the side of his head. It had better not be because he was laughing.

“You have brains and wisdom too, you know,” she told him defensively, her mouth settling in a not-quite pout. Then she pulled back, just enough so that she could see his face, look into his eyes. She stared at him flatly, as if daring him to contradict her. “I quite like the way you look.”

"You didn't upset me." That may have been an outright lie, but Rav honestly didn't care. If she was upset at upsetting him... Well, if women in general were confusing, then she was something else. She was something else, he thought mirthfully. He wanted to laugh, but then she may take offence. Light, his mind was all over the place.

That wasn't too much of a surprise. Even objectively, although he didn't have the good sense to think objectively, she had been firing out the most varied signals. Did Katrie see him as a friend, or as something more? The kiss - that astonishing kiss - he could dismiss as a gesture between friends. But her leaning over so awkwardly just to hug him? That was at least a little forward. She could have stepped around the desks if it was just for comfort.

That was what he may have thought if he was thinking. The smell of lilacs seemed like a heady aroma that was dulling his mind. Her body pushing against his was curiously soothing. He smiled happily at how close they were in that moment.

She stirred against him, her hair tickling his forehead and nose. "Yes, I did-"

He cut her off with a sharp "Katrie". Not intentionally sharp, but he didn't want to anything to upset this moment. Even if she didn't reciprocate his feelings as strongly. She voiced a questioning murmur, and he stopped her again. Once more, he wanted the Wheel to stop turning, just so he could revel a moment longer in her arms. He chuckled at the absurdity of it, how clearly out of step they both were.

"You have brains and wisdom too, you know." That comment surprised him, although not as much as what she added next. She moved back slightly, so that their faces could see one another's. Katrie's features were soft and out of focus, but Rav just thought she looked more beautiful. Strands of dark brown hair tickled at his face as she pulled away. "I quite like the way you look." He could feel her breath against his skin, her dark eyes seemed captivated by his own.

Rav's calloused hand caressed Katrie's cheek as he gently pulled her near. He heard her breathing catch, as recognition of what he intended dawned on her. Heat flushed her cheeks, and her nose crinkled ever so slightly as she readied herself. When their lips met, the tension that had built up left both of their bodies in a rush. A hand tangled in his unruly hair, pulling him closer still. Their bodies pressed tighter against each other, both of them ignoring the desks protruding into their waists. Rav's mind swam in blissful emptiness.

After what seemed like hours, although it had only been seconds, he pulled back. His thumb stroked her cheek tenderly, and she returned an impish grin. "Is this how you treat your friends?" Her tone said she was teasing. He opened his mouth to reply, but her hand tugged at his hair as she pulled him into another kiss. This time their lips were parted, and her tongue traced against the inside of his lips, and flicked his teeth. Rav didn't know how to react. This was something new, something that was uniquely Katrie. He loved it. And he loved her.

Rav...

His lips were soft... so soft and eager and they yielded in the most delightful way against hers. Playfully, she teased him with the tip of her tongue, pleased that he did nothing to stop her.

Awareness blazed to life against the surface of her skin where his hands touched, phantom sensations of flame and heat lingering even after his fingers moved on to brush again at the sensitive curve of her cheek. Katrie's fingers curled tighter in his hair, unwilling to give him up, her other hand sliding up the side of his body until she gripped the collar of his uniform.

Warmth rose all around her, enfolding her, enveloping her, as delicate as it was insistent. A second sun burst into existence in her chest, hot and bright. This was happening... this was really happening! Light... oh Light... Katrie breathed in his scent, the scent of warmth mingled together with hints of metal and leather... something that she would forever associate with the Shienaran Drin. Dazed, and not at all prepared for the dazzling effects she was experiencing, Katrie let her dark eyes drift shut. She felt herself surrender... her mind and her body curiously at peace with her voluntary relinquishment of control.

The very tip of her nose brushed against faint stubble of Rav's cheek, a purl of... surprise?... pleasure?... approval?... sounded, and she felt him smile, the expression making his mouth tug tantalizingly across hers. She tried to lean in even closer, but was rudely halted by the sudden, sharp pain of something protruding into her abdomen. The kiss broke off abruptly as she glanced down in annoyance, realizing that it was the stupid desk she was leaning over! Rav's blue-grey eyes were wide and intent, the Shienaran Drin immediately noticing the wince that flashed across her face.

Katrie's laugh burst forth like a bell, and she planted another quick kiss on his lips, quelling his concern. “The desks!” she exclaimed breathlessly, releasing the hold she had on his collar and pointing down between them.

Rav followed her every move, grinning... almost mischievously at her. “We should do something about that.”

“I agree.” Whether it was from the excitement or something else, the pretty Cairhienin felt positively giddy, like she would simply burst. She took hold of his hand, tugging it along with her as she stepped to the side. There, in the spaces between the wooden desks and chairs, she stood mere inches away from Rav, her eyes rapt as she traced over his face with gentle fingertips. She wanted to memorize everything, every detail... the way he felt. She wasn't sure if he was still breathing or not, he stood so still.

“Rav,” she whispered.

He made a noise of acknowledgement.

“You need to breathe.” Her look turned wicked. “Or we won't be able to keep doing this.” And then she moved in close, close enough until there was not even room for air between their bodies. She cupped her hands around his face and kissed him again.