Green Destiny; [Ajah Exploration] [Attn: Miahala Ives]

[Sean]

Despite the loss Val felt strangely satisfied. From the happy snorts and the readiness with which Shadow heeled to command it seemed she was to. As they neared Miahala Sedai Val caught the small amused expression on the Sister's face and broke into a sheepish smile of his own. Shadow's flanks still heaved by the time he'd drawn close enough for conversation, “Ah...well 'pologies, Lady Miahala," he began, softly stroking his mare's neck

Oblivious of the required decorum of appearing remorseful, Shadow nipped playfully at Seren making Val flush with embarrassment, “Light!" He swore pulling at the reins, but the horse's stubborn streak returned as she brayed rebelliously and fought against his instruction.

Hot, sweating, and not feeling inclined to stand in the way of the mare's foolishness Val leapt from the saddle, landing on his hands and feet. Maybe Lady Miahala will see fit lash her with the Power. Would serve her right, he steamed while patting the dirt from his clothing.

He knew in his heart he wished no harm to come to the Shadow. Though headstrong and hampered with the burden of years, she was a fine specimen. Her foals would be strong and spirited with the right mate. Looking at the pair of horses he entertained the idea of an Aes Sedai's mount qualifying as the 'right' mate. Good a chance as you stand with makin' Nykk 'appy his inner voice cut into his thoughts before being stifled. The ring of logic to the words stung more than he'd liked them to. Careful to avoid Shadow's courting ceremony, Val rounded to Seren's other side and reached up towards the seated Green.

“Apologies again Sister," he said, “Seems the horses'd like a bit o' rest an' privacy; nevermind Shadow. She'll leave him be once he makes it clear he ain't havin' any o' it. If you dunt mind, I'd like to walk 'n talk a little?"

[Bella]

It amused Miahala to watch Shadow and Seren, the latter not quite sure what to make of the former. He snorted and snuffled, tossing his head a bit, and it made Mia laugh. It was quiet sound, but a laugh nonetheless.

She politely declined the aid of his hand because in truth it was easier to dismount on her own. Her grace in the movement was easy, seemingly effortless, as her riding boots touched the ground and her divided riding dress swished gently with her. She pulled Seren's reins over his head and took them in hand, offering a faint smile to the Dedicated.

"So, our meeting today was at your behest," she said, never one to mince words or dally upon a point. "What was it you wished to speak of?" Of course, she could have guessed but she wished to let him broach the subject in his own way.

[Sean]

“Dying well is easy, it only takes a moment of courage. It’s living well that men struggle with. Death is nothing compared to that fight.”

Val’s blitheness faded at the Green Sister’s practical forthrightness. She hadn’t been short or seemed irritated at the prolonged distraction from her duties, but the burden of requesting her time was heavy all the same. The liberating exhilaration of the ride had vanished entirely in the wake of the serious conversation ahead.

Sparing a sidelong glance at the horses, lost in their own parley, he sighed. “I…that is…” he struggled to being, mumbling unintelligibly before falling silent once more. Val took his time studying the landscape surrounding them. It was beautiful.

The hill offered a grand view of the meadow. A world of green extended beyond them interrupted only by the distant shine of the lake water several days’ travel to the east. Northward loomed the Mountains of Mist, their majesty casting shadows that stretched even unto the gates of the Grey Tower. It was all so big—so endless. This was the reason for Aes Sedai and Asha’man; to protect everything that belonged to the Light. To protect life itself. Comparatively the uncertainty that worried him daily seemed laughably small.

“I might’ve wasted yer time Sister,” he said finally without looking towards her. Instead he focused his gaze in the distance, eyes seeing nothing as he tried to keep the set of his brow firm. Posturing was the only thing he could do to muster the small confidence he had. “As you know, soon I’ll have to declare my Ajah. Thing is…I dunno…guess I dunt rightly know where my Ajah is…and…and…”

Say it! “…and burn it! Every Sister has plied me with honeyed smiles an’ Asha’man who’d had nary a word fer me in the past suddenly offers wisdom at every corner! It’s bloody Tarmon Gai’don an’ this is how we spend our time?! Playin’ at Tower politics?!”

His anger spent, Val felt empty. The bile in his throat felt good. The past weeks had been like walking around with fire roiling in his gut. Every day spent holding his tongue, the only reprieve coming in the Yards where he could lose himself in the fury of the sword. Always the reprieve was temporary and by night the same stifling anxieties would haunt him even in his dreams—the escapes to Tel’aran’rhiod offering little succor.

At last turning to the Aes Sedai, he managed to keep his eyes straight when he looked at her. Searching her ageless face, he wanted to find the signs of disgust or annoyance in her expression at his speaking ill of her Brothers and Sisters. He couldn’t tell why he wanted it. It may have been to assuage the guilt he felt at having voiced such things of men and women who tirelessly served the Light. It was then he noticed his fists clenched tightly at his side and the tension in his shoulders.

A breeze passed by then, fluttering his clothes with its polite coolness before continuing elsewhere where it would torment others with its mock refuge from the Shadow’s blighted heat. At least I said what I had to, he told himself. Perhaps deep down he even believed his outburst helped something.

[Bella]

This young man surprised her.

Mia had talked to many a young man and woman about her Ajah and their future, but none had had this reaction. Or, at least, none had had the guts to admin to it while in front of her. Her only outward reaction was a faint lift of one brow and twist of her head. It could not be deciphered for what was behind it. Only she knew that it was actually amusement.

"Tower politics may seem irrelevant when it comes to facing the Last Battle," she began slowly, "but to some degree, not all of it is. Each Ajah finds that its way of things will best strengthen the Tower, and thus the world, for when Tarmon Gaidon comes. As such, each Ajah will seek to add to its ranks and thereby help them in their mission to do so. The Green is no different..."

She paused, eyeing him for a moment. "Though I will not try to convince you to follow in the steps of the Green, unless you feel you are called to do so. No Ajah should gain members that do not feel drawn to it in some way, but the Green in particular can find itself in a difficult positions if its members do not devote themselves fully." For a moment, she let that sink in.

"Though you may want to be a little more cautious of your words regarding your soon to be Brothers and Sisters." Her lips showed a faint smile to ease the slight admonishment.

[Sean]

“We are the stories we tell about ourselves. But when those stories are lies, we are the most surprised of all.”

Though the rebuke had been disguised behind a slight Aes Sedai smile, Valadin felt a storm swell within him. He was certain emotion clouded his face in open hostility. Besides Nykk, Miahala Ives had made him feel relaxed unlike anyone else at the Tower. The brief run through the meadows, the expression of happiness that had softened the marble perfection of her ageless face—had it all been a lie?

Maybe she’s usin’ you jus’ like the rest o’ them, a voice from the darkest corner of his mind whispered. Nearby Shadow snorted irritably after getting nipped a little too forcefully by Seren. I know how ya feel girl, Val thought sourly.

A small part of him felt shame as he turned away from the woman, eyes overcast with inner turmoil. Everything about the Green Sister had been honest and true since their first exchange of words. For him to pout like a petulant child when he’d spoken out of turn…it was humiliating. Exhaling deeply he ran his hands through his hair once and came away with twin palms glistening of perspiration.

“Apologies Sister…I spoke…I spoke out o’ turn.”

The words brought memories of the time Celora Felane had wagered he couldn’t down an entire leaf of Catfern without sicking up. Unconsciously his fingers groped at the pockets where he’d been duped out of an entire mark on account of Celora’s pretty grey eyes. For the entire day he couldn’t get the foul taste of the sprig from his tongue. All his remaining meals were spoiled and ended up being fed as scraps to Samhl’s hound. The other stable hands had laughed deep into the night while he suffered quietly. Strange that though the taste was bitter, the memory of the evening itself was quite sweet. Withdrawing from the appealing venerations of youthful days past, Val let himself return to the matter at hand.

Grasping at better days left him devoid of his stubborn streak. Val looked at Miahala Sedai with the face of a lost child. “Sister, be honest. What does it take to be of the Green? No games. No half-truths. Jus’ plain an’ simple at the heart of things what makes a man or woman of the Green?” he pleaded.

The desperation in his words surprised even him. A gorge was overflowing deep within him, something…something he’d tried to hide from in the recent months was shattering the callous casing he’d embalmed himself in. After trying to be like Aes Sedai and Asha’man for over a year; he failed.

The truth of it broke him…but he was relieved. A genuine smile cracked his lips as he waited for Lady Miahala’s answer. Would it make a difference now?

OOC: Weak post…

[Bella]

As they stopped walking, and Mia ignored the way Seren nudged her back with impatience, she turned to fully face the young man before her. She sensed his volatile feelings, which had boiled over moments ago with his words but also in the need in his questions. She smiled gently, and it did manage a little to warm the ivory veneer of her face.

"I'm not a game player. If I were, I would have chosen a different Ajah. Greens can dance our words like anyone, but we are far more blunt than your average Aes Sedai or Asha'man. We have need of being so," she said. "Plainly spoken, what does it take to be a Green? Steel, and fire. You must have courage in your convictions and the willingness to put yourself in the line of fire.

"You will make yourself a target for the enemy if you do your job right. The agents of the Shadow will receive no quarter, but that makes one unpopular with them. As you would imagine. You must have the strength to see that through, but also to know yourself. Know your strengths and pursue them in your fight. Not everyone will be the best battle weaver. Or the best with a blade. They can still fight the Shadow, just by knowing what their gifts are and best utilizing them."

She paused thoughtfully. "I don't know that I can tell you what is in the heart of anyone that makes them a Green, just what you do once you are on the path and what it takes to stay on it."

[Sean]

“Knowledge is what shapes us. It makes us who we are. What we know informs everything we do and every decision we make.”

Unable to decide if her answer was what he’d hoped for Val nodded a silent response. Looking out towards the fertile valleys of the Mountains of Mist made him long to ride Shadow until sundown; having Lady Ives at his side wouldn’t have been discouraged—having Nykkolaia Sedai would’ve have been better.

For a time he continued walking without saying anything. Overhead the sun made its slow travel across the sky marking the passage of time with every new position. Already he’d missed a fair amount of studying with Garyas—the Dedicated was a war fanatic and a fantastic leader. Having already declared Green as his Ajah of choice, many of the Asha’man and Sisters of the Green had supped with the engaging lad, most having naught but good words in their mouths for him. In many ways there were others that embodied the person that Miahala Sedai had described. Some were Soldiers, already displaying signs of greatness and others were Dedicated, their measure being honed through the trials of self-improvement or supervision. Steel…and fire, Val told himself again, tasting the words on his thoughts as the walk continued without conversation.

Eventually the guilt of keeping an Aes Sedai occupied with his worries outweighed the need to resolve his personal crisis. “Forgive me Lady Ives. Dint mean to keep ya so long…I…I thought on what ya said. I mean I liked it; words rung true with me an’ all. Thank ya fer takin’ the time to sort me out. Even if…”

Was it wise to tell an Aes Sedai that you hated what her kind represented? The cunning that lay behind those inviting perfect faces? Behind the trusting eyes that held both wisdom and passion? No. She ent done you any wrong.

“Ah, a moment if ya will milady? Wanna check ole Shadow ‘fore we head back,” Val finished.

Smiling weakly he let the moment pass hoping that the Lady wouldn’t question him about it. Shadow was in one of her moods and nipped fractiously at him when he tried to check for swelling around her joints before the ride back. It seemed that Seren hadn’t taken kindly to her courtship. In between avoiding angry spits and chomping teeth Val stole glances at the Green Sister. There were many differences between her and Nykk. Miahala Ives was a presence that couldn’t be ignored. Her personage emanated self-assurance and the restrained majesty she carried herself was backed by years of reputation. Nykkolaia was still finding herself in many ways. There was a warm, broken woman whose heart knew hurt like his and longed to have the pieces mended even if only by way of borrowed parts. You know there’s more to her than that. This thought Valadin didn’t entertain as he completed his inspection: Shadow seemed to have made a full recovery. He couldn’t understand why she’d been limping when Ranen was around, the mare ran fine now.

Adjusting the saddle before stepping into the stirrup, Val relished the view of the world that came with riding. Everything lay before him. It was a simple matter of choice where he would go. Can you make that sacrifice? Let yourself be broken completely an’ be reborn from the fires? From the steel? What if ya dunt like who you are after? Can you live with that? “Yes.”

Looking quickly to the Sister he added, “One more race back to the Tower? Me an’ Shadow’re feelin’ a bit sore about the last one.”

He couldn’t be sure, but as he turned his horse to face Miahala, Val felt as though his shoulders were a little more square…his back a little straighter than it had been when he last he sat in the saddle. Gripping the reins in a tight grasp he felt the easy power of the animal beneath him and at the corner of his mind Saidin whispered to him with equal appeal. Changes were already on the winds.

There was still fear of what may come, but as he flashed a light-hearted smile and the day’s warmth soaked deep into his bones Val realized…he was excited.

[Bella]

It was impossible for her to miss the truncated "even if" at the end of his statement, but if he wanted to finish what he was saying then he would have. His abrupt and thorough inspection of his horse made it clear that he didn't intend to do so, thus she wasn't going to press him and she stood, waiting impassively as he did what he needed to in order to get his mind back around things.

When he asked about a race back, her lips curved up at the corners. He seemed like a man who had made a decision, or perhaps had an epiphany... "Good luck to you, then," she said, apparently for the race but also as a general subtext. She mounted up on Seren and waited for him, then they took off for the Tower once again...

[Sean]

“When you are so ashamed of your actions, thoughts, or intentions, you lie rather than accepting yourself for who you really are. The idea of how others see you becomes more important than the reality of you.”

The race was a footnote to the greater implications of the day. Lady Ives had won of course. Valadin hadn’t expected to beat the Aes Sedai and her steed in fair competition. His riding while good for a commoner couldn’t be matched against the experience of an expert and the Green Sister proved she was that if nothing else.

When they returned to the gate, the sentries greeted them with stiff respect though Val felt as though a few questioning stares lingered on him as he marched Shadow back towards the stables. Little else was said between Miahala Sedai and he, but after everything that had happened in the hills it seemed fitting that words would no longer suffice answer that questions that lingered on in his heart. Ranen seemed satisfied with Shadow’s condition, the mare prancing around excitedly at the brief freedom of galloping in the open grassland. Her limb remained, but it was less pronounced making Val wonder if the affliction was one of the mind rather than the body. The Stable Master offered to tend to Seren, but Miahala Sedai politely declined the offer, stating she had a private stable that the stallion was used to.

Bidding them farewell, she departed leaving a void in her wake. Whether it was because of the woman’s carefully conducted grace or the boundless wise counsel she provided having Miahala Ives close at hand seemed to do much good for the uncertain or the lost. Valadin wondered if she knew Asha’man Durent; the two of them shared many qualities.

Ranen questioned him about Shadow when they were alone, but Val suspected it was out of kindness that the Stable Master stalled. Finally under the premise of having chores and studies to attend he made his escape. The remainder of the day passed by, time moving quickly after his talk with the legendary Miahala Ives.

Night found him restless as he lay naked in his quarters, gentle dots of perspiration glistening with the candlelight’s glow. As a Dedicated he had been granted the right to choose larger accommodations, but feeling more at home in the room that had served him well in the past years he refused. Now as his eyes wandered over the grim stone of the walls and floors he wished he’d chosen differently. A window would’ve provided a view of the grounds below and of the heavens. It was a place where he could cast his thoughts into the great emptiness of the Pattern and let his worries drift away. Now he felt sealed with innumerable anxieties—or that was how he felt most days.

Tonight was different. Eagerness kept him alert, not worry.

Steel and fire, he thought to himself, a small smile playing on his lips. The phrase perfectly fit the Green as well as the Sister who’d uttered them.

Thoughts of what Nykk would say dampened his excitement, but they hadn’t spoken as much lately. His duties keeping him busy though he often sent notes by way of the servants. She didn’t always reply, but it was often enough that the lay of her feelings was evident. He wondered how she would take the news and thought that he should’ve been despaired. Except he wasn’t.

Steel and fire…

Finally closing his eyes to sleep, Valadin decided the phrase would fit him too. Tomorrow he would declare his decision to join the Green Ajah upon gaining his cord.