Bad News, Good News, Bad News? (Attn: Bella and Marla)

[Craig]

Elia

Elia squeezed her eyes shut. Hoping away reality did not make it so, but she wished it did. Pain flared as she moved the arm to sit above the bedcovers. "They couldn't do anything." Her voice wavered with emotion, yet she also barely kept her tears in check.

She sat there with her eyes closed until her emotions reined in. Elia didn't want to look at the arm, and she didn't trust herself not to break down in front of Dax if he saw any more pity in his eyes. She'd never heard him sound serious about anything before, so that curse emphasised just how bad things were. Denial was one thing, but it was harder to ignore when other people brought it up.

At last Elia did open her eyes, but she kept them transfixed on her navel. Dax was still standing there at the edges of her vision. "Dakson? We need to talk." There were no finer words to strike fear into the hearts of men than those four. But the truth was that she was scared herself. Scared for his reaction could be. Scared for what her reaction would be to his.

"Dakson, I'm... I'm with child." Her gaze slid a little towards the left in order to see him better. "And, well, it could be ours."

[Sunny]

Dax

We need to talk. Jem had said that before telling him their father had abandoned them. Avarie had said it before informing him she was pregnant with his child. Katrie had said it, then ripped his heart to pieces. He supposed it was a good thing (some measure of growth or maturity or some such bollocks he was certain the Yellows had a word for that he neither understood nor cared about) that he did not flinch from the memories. Instead of getting upset he simply peered at the prone Aes Sedai and waited for inevitable doom.

"Dakson, I'm... I'm with child. And, well, it could be ours." At least she seemed no happier than he felt at the confession. Avarie had been a cat with cream on her whiskers; Elia sounded as if the words were a signed death warrant.

An extended silence fell, in which they each stared at the other as if issuing a silent dare to speak first. Get out of here, Jem hissed. She’s a liar. The last statement was blatantly impossible, given Elia Darrow’s ageless face, but the desire to leave remained. Eventually Dax shifted, lifting one eyebrow in deliberate curiosity. “It ‘could’ be ours?” He asked with pointed emphasis. “That is...interesting phrasing, Elia Sedai.” Something flashed across her face, an emotion he could not identify.

“I do not desire children,” he said stiffly. “Especially not a baby that may not even belong to me.” His hands clasped behind his back so tightly his knuckles ached. He had wanted to be a father once, in a time and a place that no longer felt real. Those dreams had fallen to dust, and now here he stood. The Pattern could be terribly cruel. But what if it is mine? What then? Light, why didn't that thought terrify him?

“What do you want from me?”

[Craig]

Elia

The bridge of Elia's nose wrinkled in building anger. She heard the unvoiced accusations in the Tairen's words. As if you've ever known the word 'chaste', Dakson Torellion. Then he asked his question and...

"I don't know," she replied simply. She'd had no time in which to consider what she wanted, let alone what she wanted from another person. It seemed unfair that it was up to her to decide what Dax should do. A part of her wanted to shout "I didn't decide to have children". The rest of her still wanted to fade away.

Elia nibbled on her bottom lip. She needed a solution to the Dax Problem. Ideally something that fit the Jaryd Problem as well.

"I don't desire children either," she echoed, "but in the same breath this... this is happening. And I can't say whether you are the father or not, but if you are..." If she was she'd be no better than her brother. Actually, I'm already worse than him. Light.

She started again. "If you are the father, then I would like to know what you would do." And with that, the Aes Sedai had shifted the onus onto the Gaidin. She wasn't good at being proactive without a plan set in place, so she would be reactionary for once.

[Sunny]

In which Dax does the right thing...?

Dax rocked back on his heels, surprised despite himself by the Aes Sedai’s words. His last conversation with Avarie rang loud in his mind; he could not remember secific words after so long, but her tone remained...first gentle and pleading, then grasping and sharp as she realized he would not give in to her demands. He had expected the same here, not...whatever it was Elia had just given him. How did this happen? Surely Elia took Heartleaf...it had been she who took them upstairs after all and she had clearly stated she did not want children.

Confused and uncomfortable, the Gaidin backed up until his shoulders pressed against the door, his fingers opening and closing as he sought for words. What I would do… He didn’t want children. He especially didn’t want children with an Aes Sedai. So why did you sleep with not one, but two? Jem laughed, and Dax swore out loud, his fist crashing against the door. Then he turned, yanked it open, and strode into the hallway beyond, ignoring the Indigo entirely as he made his escape.

The Tairen made it to the front door of the infirmary before his steps began to lag. In the outer corridor he paused, his thoughts scrambling back and forth. Elia had made no demands, issued no edicts. She was an Aes Sedai, she had stated a truth that could not be questioned. She was Ravak’s sister… Light! and beautiful, and pregnant. Elia was...Elia…

Elia is afraid.

Something palpably broke within the Gaidin as that thought occurred to him. Dax turn on his heel, striding back into the domain of the Yellow Ajah with his jaw set. Christianne barred his path eventually. He stared at the Andoran with flat blue eyes, then simply lifted her by the shoulders, setting her to the side as if she weighed nothing. “Excuse me,” he said calmly.

He bowed as he entered Elia’s room. “I am sorry for leaving,” he said, not quite able to meet her eyes. He did not apologize often; the phrase felt awkward on his tongue. “I needed space to...collect myself.” He straightened, and this time he moved to the chair near her bed and sat.

He tried for words, failed, then tried again. “No child deserves to grow up feeling unwanted,” he said finally. “Especially not because its father is a selfish prick who runs from his problems.” He forced himself to look at Elia’s face. “What kind of man would I be, to do that to my own child?” And what of Avarie’s baby?

Thankfully it was easy to ignore his brother’s voice, because Elia’s reaction mattered far more.

[Craig]

Elia

Elia jumped when the door crashed open, and then Dax was gone. She stared out through the empty doorway in disbelief.

The next instant, she was sucking down air between choking sobs. Imagining how she looked -- all enfeebled and helpless -- only added to her grief. As did the pitiful acknowledgement that she had pushed one of her scarce number of acquaintances away.

A numbness suffused her even as her body was wracked by her bodily convulsions. Slender fingers curled around the top of the blankets. She pulled the sheets up with both hands, ignoring the pain as the Shienaran tried to conceal herself from sight. A childish hope, but she felt as strong and empowered as a child, so it seemed justified.

Fortunately the tears had subsided by the time the Tairen made his reappearance. His eyes danced around the room, taking in anything but the frail figure in the bed. He made his initial apologies by the doorway, but continued numbness silenced her own reply. Even her mind was still as she waited for the other penny to drop.

Taking a chair by her bedside, he spoke softly. Dax's words made hope bloom like the golden rose from her novice exercises. A pragmatic voice warned her not to succumb to the feelings of relief that rushed through her -- they may not be Dax's children -- but it was drowned out.

A beautiful smile blossomed on the Shienaran's pale face. "Thank you Dax." The words seemed not to say enough, yet they were also precisely on point. What more was there to add? Eventually she added, "Will you stay with me for a little while? I don't wish to be alone."

[Sunny]

Dax

“I am a terrible sick bed companion,” Dax informed the Aes Sedai grumpily (and potentially untruthfully), but when he stood it was only to adjust his chair to a place where he could, if he so desired, reach out and take the prone woman’s hand. The healthy one, not the withered, although had that been the side he sat nearest he would not have hesitated. Gareth had assured him the rot would not spread, after all.

So you’re trusting Yellows now, as well? Not for the first time, Dax wished he’d done a better job of killing his older brother. Jem’s presence was really becoming a bother, especially since Dax knew that talking to ghosts in one’s head generally meant bad things for one’s sanity. Rather than fixate on what that might mean, however, the Gaidin turned his attention back to the woman in the bed.

“So,” he said slowly, “you said the baby might be mine. Is there likely to be trouble from….whomever else is a possibility? I am in no position to judge you for your sleeping habits, but I would like to know if I should prepare to be assaulted for impugning your virtue or something.” He gave her a grin, some of his cockiness returning.

[Craig]

Elia

A faint smile brushed across the Shienaran's face. There was even a look of amusement around Elia's eyes. "You'll be fine. I will speak to him myself when I can." That was not a comforting prospect, but it wasn't Dax's place to handle Jaryd. Even if they were both Marla's characters. "If you want to know who, I will tell you, but..." But I don't need the two of you at each other's throats over this. Light, how had everything got so complicated?

She turned her head to the side, looking up towards the ceiling. Her throat felt tight as she realised the Tairen had made an incorrect assumption. "And it's not a baby," she corrected. "I said children. It's... it's twins."

Closing her eyes, Elia waited to hear the sound of Dax pushing back the chair and leaving again. She couldn't have blamed him. She had only herself to blame for everything. Everything. From Dax to Jaryd to Murdock, Light, even Emmond and Mirin. She inhaled deeply and waited. And waited.

She slowly popped her eyes open. Dax was still there. Her breath came out in a long sigh. "I'm sorry."

[Sunny]

Dax

Dax’s shoulders slumped and his head dropped into his hands, a sigh of disbelief escaping his lips before he could stop it. What am I supposed to do now? The silent plea was met with more silence. This isn’t how I wanted-. The Tairen’s fingers curled into fists so tightly his knuckles creaked, but he didn’t move. Wanted what? I didn’t want this at all, he corrected himself. ...Did I? Peculiarly enough, his lack of certainty on that point was far more disturbing than the fact that he potentially had two more children rather than one.

“I’m sorry.” The two words cut through the Gaidin’s internal war and pulled him back to reality.

“Why?” he asked. His mind began to rattle off reasons the Aes Sedai should be sorry, and for a moment he nearly gave in to resentment. It had been many years since such feelings had been of any benefit, however (even if Marla is having trouble wrapping her brain around the fact that he’s been behaving himself for thirteen years and is PROBABLY a grown up at this point), and Jem’s voice gradually faded to a frustrated mutter. “The Pattern decided to give you twins- unless you’re claiming you had the power to make that choice?” he added with a genuinely amused chuckle.

The Tairen pulled Elia’s hand between his palms. “I don’t believe in regret,” he told her. “I prefer to live my life however it happens. It might include children now; the Wheel weaves, etc. however that drivel goes.” He waved his hand dismissively, then gave her an incorrigible grin. “Besides, my view is beautiful.”

[Craig]

Elia

Genuine delight covered the Shienaran's pale face. She wanted to interweave her fingers with his but Dax's hold on her was firm. It had been a long time since she'd been called beautiful when adult thoughts weren't on her partner's mind. Compliments normally appeared somewhere between the bedroom door and the bedsheets. She realised that this was now the second time Dakson had called her beautiful. A tender warmth bloomed in her chest at the thought of that. Maybe he's the silver lining from all of this? That the Indigo was even contemplating fantasies demonstrated how much these gestures meant to her.

She restored herself to reality. Reality was an infirmary bed, a torn and bloody dress, this arm, and Dax's hands around her own. That last was enough happiness to sustain her for now. Human contact had become a luxury since her 'separation' from Emmond.

"The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills." Something in her refused to leave the half-spoken phrase uncorrected. But she smiled immediately afterwards. "If I had control over the Pattern, we wouldn't be having this conversation. But I don't, so I shall instead attempted to follow your philosophy. No regrets, right?"

Elia wasn't sure if she was speaking to a mask the Gaidin was adopting, or the actual Dax, but she didn't much care in this moment. That he was here was enough.

[Sunny]

Dax

Somehow stating his perspective to Elia had helped Dax release the last of the tension that had caused him to leave in the first place. What he would or should have done in the past had no bearing on the decisions he made in that moment; he was a different man, with different ideals, so why wouldn’t he make a different choice? He might have more children and he might have them with the single most unlikely woman in Hama Valon, but...it didn’t matter what happened, they would be taken care of and his own standard of living would not change, so what did he have to worry about?

It helped considerably that somehow, unbelievable as he found it, Elia had shed her layers of Aes Sedai mystery and distant disdain and was smiling at him. He had called her beautiful and meant it a moment before, but the pure delight he saw in her eyes was enough to stop a man’s breath. It was fleeting of course, and then her mask slid into place once more as she insisted on finishing that ridiculous phrase, but...it had been there. Is she happy because I didn’t accept her apology, or because I didn’t storm off again?

It doesn’t matter, his writer insisted because she was tired of him waffling. Just be happy she smiled. That seemed a simple enough command, but the potential new father felt the need to take it a step further because he was...well...Dax. He brought the Aes Sedai’s hand to his lips and kissed it, then gave it a squeeze and settled it back on the bed next to her. “How long do you have to stay here?” he asked. “What else do the Yellows need to do?”