Alone in Thoughts (Attn: Marla)

[Leala]

Abby Soulane Sitting on her bed, her hands in her lap, and her shoulders tight, Abby wondered where her mother was. She was nearing thirteen years now, and she shouldn't be this frightened when her mother was gone. But, after losing her parents, then finding Torianin after being rescued...it was difficult. She kept her arms straight and still, resisting the urge to clean with every fiber of her being. The girl had tried to read, or even write, but her mind kept drifting back to what was worrying her. The rooms were so quiet without he mother there. But, the more she looked at her belongings, the more she wanted to straighten up. Abby had been in this room for a year now, and her things had filled it up. Her mother enjoyed spoiling her, and she enjoyed paying her mother back as much as possible, but the Aes Sedai was right. When she cleaned, the world around her was gone from her view, and she needed to find something constructive to do...that wasn't cleaning.

Blinking, Abby realized that she had been staring at a piece of clothing sticking out from her dresser for...Light only knew how long. Standing, she turned away from it and moved into the sitting room. Torianin's things were more prominent here, but a few of Abby's things still laid about. The sitting room was clean and neat, but in Abby's troubled mind, it was in disarray. Staying there would not be the best idea. She took in a deep breath and grabbed a book, then left the quarters that she shared with her mother.

After closing and locking the door, she looked up and down the halls and saw no one. Everything was in its place, but what about...

In an effort to ignore the floor boards, Abby walked the halls, going down the stairs. She passed Astoria Sedai on the way down, who gave her a nod, her expression unreadable. Abby nodded and smiled in greeting. The Red Sitter seemed not to like that Abby did not bow to her. Shortly after moving in with her mother, she made sure to let her know that she would need to be polite and respectful to Aes Sedai and Asha'man, but she was not held to the standards of a novice. Holding her book closer to her chest, she kept walking, trying not to let thoughts of the other's anger take up all her thoughts.

Finally, she walked into the Red Ajah's courtyard. Being outside, with the movements of the Grey Tower around her, she felt a tightness in her chest loosen, just a little. As she entered the center of the courtyard, she noticed that she was not alone. She knew Jaryd Kosari by name, but had never exchanged words with him. When she had been adopted, he was the M'hael of the Grey Tower. She did not know the details, but there had been an attack, the Keeper of the Chronicles had died, and now he lived in the Red Ajah's Quarters again. She knew that her mother respected him, and deferred to him.

I should say hello, Abby thought to herself. Somehow, that seemed more difficult than it should have been. Perhaps she should have gone to the Library. She battled with thoughts on whether or not she should say something as she opened her book after sitting on a bench close to his. She did not want to bother him, but she did not want to be rude, either... She wasn't even sure if he knew she was there...

"Good morning...Asha'man Jaryd," Abby said with a smile, looking up from her book. "How are you doing?" She was getting better at starting sentences without stuttering. It wasn't anything that someone had complained about, just something she chose to try to better for herself...and her mother.

[Sunny]

Jaryd sat on a battered couch in front of what had once been a servant’s hearth. Across from him a tall figure in red paced back and forth, the firelight glinting in golden tresses that fit better with Andoran royalty than the Cairhienin street urchin she claimed to be. She questioned him. She lectured him. She demanded to know why he had chosen her Ajah. Aren’t you supposed to be the Amyrlin, Carra? She had shed the stole for this particular excursion, and he could see the stiff ridges of leather armor beneath her bodice. Why do you care which Ajah I chose?

The Altaran’s eyes fluttered open and he stared up into sunlight and blue sky, his friend’s voice fading, to be replaced by the low rush of water from the fountain that graced the center of the Red Ajah courtyard. Had Carra known what was to come of him? She had possessed a Talent for Foretelling; what had she seen? How little he had understood that evening in the storage room that had passed for the Red Ajah common area.

He knew more, now. Not that that protected him from the jagged pain that centered where Kaia had been...just as the walls that surrounded the courtyard did nothing to protect him from the weight of the blue dome of endless empty air above him. He clung to the bench, head turning back and forth as he sought a path to safety. It felt as if the air itself had thickened to jelly and filled his lungs. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught his attention, and for a moment total panic jittered wildly through his mind, uncontrollable and loud.

Breathe. The Red inhaled slowly, then exhaled again. As he breathed, he watched a girl of not more than thirteen settled on a bench nearby. She seemed familiar, but she wore neither the white of a novice nor the gray of one of the Drin, and she didn’t appear to be one of the servants. The girl looked away, and Jaryd rubbed at his face with scarred fingers, desperate to escape. "Good morning...Asha'man Jaryd," a youthful voice murmured. "How are you doing?"

Bloody Creator, she knows my name. The Asha’man attempted to return her smile, but the gesture felt alien on his face. A universe of nothingness separated him from the emotion that allowed for such expressions. It was a sensation not unlike the Void, but lacked the comfort of that particular abyss. “I have had better days,” he admitted slowly, “but I have also had much worse.” The words sounded like they came from far away- from another person entirely, perhaps.

He frowned, still searching for his companion’s identity. “Are you….Torianin’s ward?” He asked hesitantly. After a moment of silence, she nodded and gave him her name. “I apologize Abby,” he said softly. “I have not been myself for quite some time now.” His fingers rubbed against his breeches anxiously. “How do you like it here?” He asked after another silence.

[Leala]

The Asha'man's smile, brief and strained as it was, made Abby feel a bit more at ease. Her separation from Torianin was still nerve-wracking, however. The girl smoothed her skirts in a moment of silence. He had answered her question, but did not pose one for her, so she kept quiet. She herself was having a day that wasn't as good as it could be, but wasn't the worst she had had. She blinked once when he asked if she was Torianin's ward. The girl looked up at him and nodded with a small smile. After another small silence, she realized he didn't know her name. "Yes..my name's Abby," she explained.

Then, Jaryd did something that Abby was not expecting. He apologized. Her teachers who were Asha'man and Aes Sedai did not apologize for things they probably should. Abby herself was prone to apologizing for nearly anything. And, he had apologized for not being himself as well. It was difficult for her to remember a time where she was herself without this overwhelming fear of punishment, or of things falling apart. And, it could have been her imagination, but it seemed like Jaryd was...nervous?

"Oh, um...I like it here," the girl answered with a genuine smile. "I really enjoy the Library and taking classes. And, it's much more peaceful in the Red Ajah's Quarters than in Mar siolin'an. I just wish..." As she started this next sentence, her small voice trailed off, and her smile faded. She worked very hard so that her mother knew how grateful she was. Admitting that she had problems was difficult. "I just wish I wasn't so afraid..." Her voice was so small Abby had barely heard the words herself. She knew that there was nothing to fear, but this thick cloud of fear was what had kept her from...everything, it seemed. Sometimes it even took over, and nothing else existed but the fear and the dread of...something.