Murdock thought he was going to be sick. For the first time in a good while, he struggled to hold onto his composure, to keep that stoic expression on his face. Every shift of his body gave him a familiar yet wholly unfamiliar ache, a new tightness which had replaced the old one. The memory of recounting his oaths played in his mind, and the man trembled with the aftershock of the whole experience. But he had persevered, as he always did. Murdock was alive, and three new oaths were settling into his body now, marking him as a member of the Black Ajah.
He had all the regrets. At the time, with the dagger pressed to his throat, he could have said one simple word and finished it there and then. They would have let him bleed to death in front of that mirror and that would have been the end of it, he could have joined Giselle and been done with this idiocy. But no. The urge to survive had been stronger, and self preservation said he would do whatever he had to in order to live. For his daughters? Yes. But especially for his quiet, morbid cause.
After all, it was much easier to examine the lines between life and death when one was actually alive.
But nothing was actually different, was it? Murdock was still Murdock, he was still a Brown, and he was still the same person he was. That's what he told himself. But a look down at his neat and tidy appearance with the mark of the Oathsworn, and that act of denial was firmly refuted. The world thought a lot about Murdock that was incorrect, and as time went on he only added to the pile of mistaken assumptions. The world now thought him incapable of telling a lie, when in fact he could sit and call himself a woman until he went blue. So yes, things were quite different, and Light only knew how many people knew about this side of Murdock. More information would come on a need to know basis and for a year and a day, there was very little he needed to know. Tests would come, and he would pass them or he would not.
That was always a way out, the man supposed glumly as he limped his way across the office to put some notes away. He was alone here today, with Kaia and Jaryd away doing Light knows what (none of his concern) and the Amyrlin in some meeting or other. So many meetings, so little time, or interest in them. Murdock was glad to be left out of most of them. Shaking his head, the tall man turned back to put away the papers, when he realised that there was a small black slip of paper poking out of the top. Murdock knew where it came from before he even put away everything else, quickly opening it and scanning the brief contents before crumpling it into a ball. Not even daring to channel, the man shoved the little slip in his mouth and chewed as he grabbed his stick up and set off away from the office in the direction of a certain Indigo sister. The paper tasted slightly of ash, and for some disgusting reason it was entirely expected by the Far Madding man. It was only appropriate that an order from the Black Ajah came through in an unpalatable way.
-
He rapped on Elia's door with his stick, and when she answered he entered her room without preamble. He leaned against it heavily, for a moment looking much older than his years. But then the image passed and he was back to looking at Elia with his sharp, dark eyes. "Elia, we have a problem." He kept his voice neutral and level, "you might want to put up a Ward against eavesdropping. And if you have any tea I could use a cup right about now." Speaking as if they were familiar with one another and that this was an arrangement they were quite used to, Murdock made his way to sit down on a chair, fancying that his leg hurt more than usual at this moment. Maybe it was trying to punish him for what he was about to do. "Don't worry, I'm probably not here to hurt you. It depends on what happens next." It wasn't supposed to sound threatening but hrmm, perhaps it was.
