Finding a Way [Attn: Valadin Manelle]

[Bella]

It had been one thing after another for what seemed like ages. The Wheel Weaves, and all that, but frankly, Nykkolaia was getting tired of it weaving threads separating her and Valadin rather than bringing them together. Each of their Ajahs seemed singularly focused on keeping them as busy as possibly, and quiet moments seemed rarer and harder to find than ever.

She could only hope that her efforts this night would not end up being in vain, and that the Wheel would weave in her favor now.

For the moment, as she waited, she examined the contraption that she had commissioned in Hama Valon and now had installed in her personal quarters. She knew that there may come a time, for any number of reasons, that she would not have these rooms as her own and so she had to make sure that it could be removed.

It was a rectangular box, about six foot tall, with several grated cutouts and small doors. Inside was a series of wooden dowels that made themselves roughly into a tree, with shelves here and there. Inside this box lived the small friend she had adopted. With milk the kitchen had graciously allowed her, and a visit to the infirmary, she had kept him alive and named him Merik.

She opened one of the small windows to put in a dish of clean water and Merik came up and wiggled his nose against her hand before he started drinking. She smiled and rubbed the wiry hair on his grey head before shutting and latching the little door.

Tonight, she had sent a message to Valadin and requested his presence at her quarters that evening. When she heard the knock, she rose quickly to her feet and hurried to the door. She felt like a foolish girl still in pigtails, but she schooled herself to calm as she answered the door, just hoping it was him on the other side.

[Sean]

It’s been ages since someone made me feel nervous, Valadin thought as he stood in an unassuming doorway cordoned in a section of the Blue Ajah hall were few treaded even during the thick of day.

There was a subtle feeling of emptiness in this part of the Tower. Strange, Val felt, given that a few steps would take one into the midst of no small amount of scheming women, whose words wove webs that shaped the world.

Lies and secrets—it was the mark of the Blue, but it was a necessity; at least that was what most believed. Valadin did not number amongst these and for that very reason he made conscious efforts to avoid visiting the Blue Ajah despite the fact that someone precious to him resided there. It was her doorway where he remained transfixed. Today he’d worn his finest doublet, a gaudy thing of green satin with gold threading along the lapels and buttons. His trews were simple affair of black muslin with more gold leafing along the legging’s side; the benefit of a friend made among his Green brothers and sisters. On the right side of his breast the Dragon pin hung, a constant reminder of who he was…what he was.

It wasn’t until the rapping rang through the empty corridors, rousing dust that had settled it seemed since the beginning of time, that Val realized that he’d knocked and that soon Nykkolaia would emerge. Questions spawned from the black pit of self-hate that coalesced into the Fury when in battle, but now with no blood to shed instead served to whittle away at the calm Ash’man veneer he’d worked hard to muster in the walk over.

She’ll be upset. Who wouldn’t be? You spend your time chasing battle after battle; never even stopped to celebrate your Raising, did you? No letter or message. Light, you’ve been avoiding her. Perhaps she’s moved on even. A smart woman would.

That last notion resolved itself into an icy pit into the depths of his heart.

Thankfully…and dreadfully the door opened. Light frightened away the dankness of the dreary hallway and haloed by the illumination of her room stood the Sister he’d come to see. Like a warm hearth fire on a chilling winter evening, doubt melted away and the destructive Fury that had driven him near mad with its lust for blood cooled at the sight of her.

Decorum would have had them greet each other formally whatever their familiarity, but Light he’d missed her. His hands found her waist before he realized what they’d done and his lips were upon her cheek then her forehead before eventually lingering upon her lips. All ahead of the delighted greeting that was now delayed in its birthing.

Finally the months of loneliness and isolation ended. Finally he had found his heart once again.

[Bella]

Nykkolaia didn't know why it had been so hard for them to make time for one another, nor did she care. Some darker reasons for the delays had occurred to her, but she had kept them at bay. She knew that she did not think all that much of herself, and that she would presume the worst if she let herself, but she didn't let herself. For all the things he had told her, she believed him.

No, life had just been its usual unreliable self...but that didn't matter now. It only mattered that he was here, and he was kissing her.

Her small feet, pulled up on tiptoes to let his lips meet her skin, moved the back and her hand blindly shut the door. There was no reason anyone who would happen to pass in the hallway needed to be witness to her private affairs. They were, after all, meant to be private, so she intended to keep it that way.

Once the world "outside" was again shut away, she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was almost desperate in her movement, needing to feel him and reassure herself that he was here, and he was real, and none of it had been either dream or lie. She pressed her lips harder to his, just taking in the feel of the moment.

Nykk finally had to tear herself away, just far enough to breathe. "I..." she began and faltered, swallowing hard and looking up into his eyes as she tried again. "I missed you."

[Sean]

Time vanished and between heartbeats there was only them.

Val reveled in her embrace and found the euphoria intoxicating. The blood haze that he’d spent his last few months wandering through lifted leaving only the gentleness of Nykkolaia’s face. A slight separation eventually afforded them the reprieve needed to orient themselves once more. Close enough that they were still in each other’s arms, but now they could each see each other’s face clearly as well.

Nykk hadn’t undergone much change in the months they’d been apart. Agelessness had much to do that to be sure, but Valadin appreciated the constancy of it and had thoughts of asking after her wellbeing when she interjected with a simple utterance that contrived to turn the world on its head yet again. She missed…me?

Comprehension of the words was slow in coming. It was easier to fold her into him so she could hear the rapid hammering of his chest. Even after learning to read and write them, Val found that words often failed to capture the essence of what he wished to convey. Caught within those clear lake water blue eyes his mind was struck dumb leaving him incapable of responding with anything that required much thought, romance, or charm. Seduction was an art staining his past and it had been some time since he’d resorted to it. Even had it not felt like a foreign thing to him now the old instincts never stirred when Nykk was around; even back in Cairhien it hadn’t. Everything lost significance in her wake and now his tongue failed too. The same tongue that barked hoarse orders to men twice his age and with half again his experience in battle. The same tongue that harangued officers and lords with impunity when they were being complete ox-brains. This tongue was failing him now.

So he said the only thing that did come to mind. “I love you.”

Without preamble or context the statement seemed strange hanging between them, but the awkwardness was brushed aside as memories of her room brought nostalgia. A quiet evening only a few years past had brought them together for the first time. Secluded and withdrawn from her Sisters, Nykkolaia Zeran Sedai had shared with a young Soldier what no one else in his life ever had; her story. In return she’d won his heart.

“Room hasn’t changed much…” he started to say, but stopped at the sight of a strange new addition situated near the window. Loathe to relinquish his hold of Nykk, Valadin suppressed his curiosity and let eyes continue to track over the rest of the chamber. As always it was simple and pragmatic. The abode of a cold woman one might deduce from the mean dressings, but there was so much more to be learned.

Now that he was here he meant to learn it all. “I haven’t visited for some time…” Val rumbled, voice harsher than it used to be even to his ears. Command was not without its toll, “…maybe a tour would be in order,” he finished with a smile. Before she could move away he pulled her tight against him. “A steady shoulder to lean upon would be appreciated.”

A line he’d once overheard a guardsman use with a pretty village girl. Hopefully it worked more favorably today than it had for the poor chap back then.

[Bella]

Nykk smiled up at him. She leaned against his size, clearly not supporting him in any way but she enjoyed the proximity. Still being so near to him, with the words "I love you" having now been upon both their lips, had her almost too distracted to even know the confines of her own quarters. Yet with the mental agility of any Aes Sedai, she did manage to pull herself back together.

His request made her laugh softly. "It has not changed from how it was before, but for one addition, which I am sure has made you curious."

She led him to the tall cage in the corner. "It must look odd, I'm sure," she commented. With another smile up at him, she reluctantly pulled away from him so she could get closer and peer through the grates. Kneeling, she opened the door at the bottom and held her hand before it. The creature, bigger than it was but clearly not full grown, crawled out and onto her hand.

With its dexterous little "hands" and tiny claws, the pricks of which she endured with something like affection, it crawled up from her hand, along her arm until reaching her shoulder. There, it settled itself down at seemed to eye Valadin with its intense, black gaze. She looked at the Asha'man, her lover. "This is Merik. I found him in the gardens, his mother was nowhere to be seen, so I took him in."

[Sean]

“Merik.” Valadin repeated without inflection as the furry creature scurried the length of Nykk’s extended arm and made its perch upon her shoulder.

Few things had remained unchanged about the former slave boy. Where once meekness had been inbred, now boldness took lead. A proud warrior of the Light now stood where a broken young man once had. In effect Val’s experiences in a few short years had utterly transformed him into someone who could survive the harsh brutalities of life. It was hard to imagine that the peculiar terror that he shared with his favorite beast had gone unmarked throughout this metamorphosis, a fact which Val himself had been unaware of until a series of chills tingled the ends of his nerves and made him shrink slightly from Nykk’s new pet.

Looking from Merik to Nykk, he noticed how at ease she appeared. Nykkolaia Zeran had always been a woman of reclusive serenity—it was part of her mystique and the reason her Sisters kept their distance. She rarely participated in political machinations nor even took interest in them. In that Grey Tower that was enough to be an outcast. Now this outcast...was caring for a playful creature that offered no advantage in influence and could hardly be used for a war beast. Unless we aim to poison Trollocs after it’s been stewed and eaten for an evening meal...

After brief consideration Val decided it would serve him best to keep that particular course of attack to himself.

Merik tilted his tiny head curiously, black eyes unblinking as his nostrils sniffed at the air before scampering to Nykk’s other shoulder—right next to where Val’s arm was. Don’t you bloody dare…, Val warned with his eyes, moisture shining his upper lip. Light, the thing was so hairy and small…to have that scuttling over one’s skin….how Nykk tolerated it was a miracle.

“Erm…greetings…and welcome to Nykkolaia Sedai’s private quarters,” he said after what felt like an unseemly amount of time spent fiercely glaring at the pet, willing it to return to its cage. Stricken as he was with fear, he’d not relinquish Nykk; she was his, Blighted creature be burned.

Apparently Merik had no such illusions or caring for boundaries as he casually brought his nose to Valadin’s sleeve, sniffing with indifferent curiosity. A small grunt just short of pain escaped Val before he could help it and he turned to look at the ceiling in the hopes that Nykk didn’t catch the mixture of hate and horror in his expression. There was no hiding the trembling though. Large as he was surely she felt each nervous twitch every time Merik sniffed at a different part of his sleeve.

“We…should…continue,” was all Val could manage to murmur while the impulse to run screaming down the halls battled against the desire to seize Saidin and blast the little menace into the next turning of the Wheel.

[Bella]

Nykk would certainly never have called, or even considered, herself a master of people and social skills. There wasn't anyone in the Tower, she was sure, who didn't know she was among the more anti-social of them and with few of the graces that many of her Brothers and Sisters possessed. She had many skills and even good traits, but that was not among them.

It did not, however, take someone with social graces to sense Valadin's almost visceral reaction to her pet.

Almost protectively, she shifted the shoulder Merik was on and then broke away from the Green, her lover, to take him in hand and put him back through the door into his cage. He went willingly and returned to his roost after contemplating a drink of water. She couldn't imagine what Val's problem with her new friend could be, but she didn't want to imagine her reaction should there have been...

...an altercation.

Rising to her feet again, she tilted her head slightly and peered at him with her blue-eyed gaze. Impassive, but contemplating. "Continue where?" she asked with almost flat curiosity. "There is little else to see."

[Sean]

“Perhaps then we..."

The thought ended without being voiced though the notion alone was enough to burn Val's cheeks with red.

With Merik sealed in his cage, there was no reason not fold the diminutive woman into his arms again; it was unlikely she'd resist. The feel and scent of their earlier embrace brought tingles that incited the desire for more. And here I thought I was done with this foolishness.

Shrugging out of the heavy black coat he had donned daily since coming to the stone walls that now surrounded him. To Val, the coat had become a sign of his identity...who and what he was. Removing it always felt a bit like bearing his weakness for the world to see. This was Nykk though. Nothing would be hidden from her.

While setting the coat over the back of a nearby chair he spoke over his shoulder. “Maybe just the comfort of each other's company will be enough to pass the time...though I would greatly enjoy hearing of how you've fared these past months."

Crossing the space that separated them in a single step, Val took the hand of the silent Sister, squeezed once, before releasing his grip and finding a seat at the foot of her bed.

[Bella]

Her blue eyes followed him as he moved, and she listened. The strange reaction and interaction about her pet still had her a little...unsettled, for lack of a better word, but she was actively working to push the feeling away. Nothing had happened or even been said, so she wasn't sure why she felt so strange about it. Maybe because she had become protective of her new companion.

As he moved to sit down at the end of her bed, she felt color rising in her cheeks simply at the combination of her bed plus him. She recalled another bed at another time, but something about this felt more...personal. This was her space, and that made it different.

Nykk bit slightly at the inside of her lip as she moved to sit beside him. She did not lean against him, but she sat close enough that they were touching. "I've fared well enough," she said simply, trying to think back over the time they had not seen one another. "Not anything to report, I suppose. Kept busy." She paused, glancing sidelong at him. "And you?"

[Sean]

"I've found that becoming Asha'man has many demands," Val answered quietly, eyes turning away for a fraction of a moment before returning them upon Nykkolaia's visage. Though there should have been no shame for doing his duties, Val felt reluctant to explain violence he'd visited upon the wicked....or how greatly enjoyed it. "Much has changed, much of it good."

They were sitting on her bed, close enough that anyone entering would have enough to draw assumptions. Not assumptions, not for a long time. Recollecting that night in Cairhein cemented that this was real. They were real. Only last year they could barely manage furtive kisses and stealing gentle caresses where prying eyes couldn't see. Now he was summoned to her quarters without hesitation. Yes, much good had come from his Raising.

"There were times when going on was difficult," Val began after falling silent for a stretch. It wasn't until the words had fallen from his tongue did he know what he was trying to say. "Strange to say given it's only been months, but I found myself holding on because I needed to come back to you. For months patrols consumed my life. I was enthralled with the world beyond these walls. I met men of worth, strong men, who knew struggle and strife...I listened to them speak of the women and families they'd left behind. How they continued to survive because their loved ones were calling them home."

The smile from earlier returned and Val felt his cheeks ache with the unfamiliarity of the exercise.

"I thought them fools even when I, myself knew that I must survive at all costs; I'd sacrifice anything or anyone if it means I see your face. I can't die for any cause that doesn't lead me back you," Valadin sighed heavily. "Do you remember the promise I made to you, the first time we met, here in your room...on that quiet evening?"

Time slowed and the noises not made by Nykk faded from awareness. The entire world had turned its attention on the diminutive young woman setting beside him on the bed. Every detail of her was captured perfectly in that stillness and Val understood that Saidin flowed through him, raging inside while blessing him with acute senses to fully comprehend this moment.

Just this once Valadin was thankful for the curse of being channeler. “I became Asha'man...I became a better man. Perhaps enough that you would consider...Bonding me."