Dark Questions Bring Dark Answers (Attn: Mirin)

[Bridget]

Lydarian moved slowly, methodically pouring cream into the creamer, and sugar into the sugar bowl. After a moment of consideration, she also placed a small pot of honey on the tea tray. The tea set was china, delicate and white, with a motif of small yellow flowers. It was, she suspected, the kind of tea set Mirin might expect her to own. She transferred two cups and saucers onto the tray, as well as the teapot, already filled with water. Lydarian lingered over her selection of teas, her fingers touching each metal tin, until she finally selected a dark black tea. Carefully, she tapped enough of the tea leaves into the teapot to make several cups of leaves.

She lifted the tray and carried it into her sitting room, placing it onto a chestnut colored low table, which sat before two plush chairs of a muted yellow. Her rooms were airy and relaxing, of chestnut wood and subtle yellow touches. There were candles and small pillows, a soft yellow rug, and a cheerful little hearth. It was, all in all, Lydie Sedai’s sitting room, and Lydie Sedai was cheerful and kind, if a touch pragmatic. Lydarian had spent a long time creating Lydie Sedai.

Lydarian sat, smoothing her green silk skirts. Mirin struck her as the sort of girl who arrived on time, so she would not have long to wait. An Accepted would be interested by an invitation for tea with an unknown Aes Sedai, so Lydarian did not doubt that the girl would appear. She had never spoken to the girl, but she had heard enough from her sisters and brothers of the Yellow Ajah to expect trouble. The child was asking about Compulsion, loudly and aggressively, without an ounce of the respect the forbidden Talent deserved. Oh, it was couched in scholarly terms, of the hypothetical use of such a thing in helping the mentally ill. It was a vivid red flag to everyone who heard her speak, and the child obviously needed to be brought to heel.

She did not doubt that the girl had at least a touch of the talent. Many wilders did, but it was beaten out of them with careful words and switches, if necessary. Lydarian would be surprised if Mirin had not yet been sent to the Mistress of Novices for her indiscrete questioning. That the girl kept asking meant something else; it meant that she could not stop herself from channeling the weave, that she sought some sort of rationalization for a terrible Talent that she was so enchanted by. It was a useful type of girl to find, and Lydarian regretted that she had not found Mirin sooner, when she was still a young novice. Rhyka had been such a lucky find; to find the right type of girl, and then to find the Talent. It was so much more troublesome to work from the other direction.

But still, it was unthinkable not to try. Mirin would be a proper addition to her prodigies, if she were willing. If she was not willing, it was past time to stop the child’s questions, to distance her from her Talent.

[Jenny]

Mirin walked up the stairs of the Great Tower, her thoughts occupied by the message that rested in her belt pouch. Her hands itched to take it out and read it once again, but she resisted the urge. She had already examined the note many times, searching for meaning in its creases and wrinkles, but the words had been clear and simple. It offered an invitation to tea with a sister of the Yellow Ajah, Lydarian Sedai.

Even after asking a few of her fellow Accepted, she knew very little about Lydarian Sedai. She had only heard that the Aes Sedai was a kind and skilled teacher. This did not mean much; as a group, Yellows were thought to be very kind, although Mirin had found that this varied widely within the Ajah. And, compared to an Accepted, every single sister could be considered skilled.

Her thoughts churned. Even after months of training in the infirmary, her Healing ability remained very mediocre – a fact that her mentor, Aria Sedai of the Yellow, often remarked on. Perhaps the woman wondered what Mirin was doing in the infirmary, given her obvious lack of Talent. Mirin often wondered this herself.

So what could Lydarian Sedai possibly want with her?

The halls of the Yellow Ajah were cheerful, reminiscent of sunshine and bright flowers. She found the door to Lydarian Sedai’s rooms and raised her hand to knock. Then she hesitated. Her hand was trembling.

There’s no reason to be afraid, she told herself. She forced her hand to stillness, and then knocked on the door. When the Aes Sedai answered, she spread her skirts in a graceful curtsy. “Lydarian Sedai, thank you for your invitation,” she murmured demurely.

[Bridget]

Lydarian smiled at the girl. Her tumbling raven hair was charming, though her face was not as pretty. “Welcome, Mirin.” She murmured, her expression gentle and motherly. “Please come in.” Lydarian gestured the girl inside, and shut the door quietly behind her. “Why don’t you take a seat? I was about to make tea.” She watched, expectant, until the Accepted sank into one of the plush yellow chairs. That done, Lydarian bustled about her rooms, pausing at the mantel to light a candle and a stick of incense. It smelled divine, wood and cinnamon. All the while, she watched Mirin. The girl was close to trembling. Lydarian could not help but wonder what it was that she had done now to inspire such fear in an Accepted. Surely Mirin had not yet met her dear Rhyka.

“Please call me Lydie.” She told the girl, as she took her own seat. Lydarian hooked her dark hair behind her ears and smiled slightly at child. “You will find that I am much unlike Aria. I speak frankly, for one.” She embraced the One Power, and let herself drown in its pleasure for only a moment. Then she channeled, a small thread of Fire to heat the water in the pot to a boil. When Mirin’s eyes were drawn to the steam, she struck.

It was a risk, to try even a bit of Compulsion on this girl. Mirin was strong, already stronger than Lydie, and if she was at all aware… But she was not. The dense little web of Spirit, Air, and Water sank into the girl’s mind. It was the same weave she had set to Rhyka’s mind, when the girl was just a fool novice who had almost burnt herself out. It was only a small weave, meant to force the victim to tell only truth. It would last as long as this conversation, and no more.

With graceful movements, Lydarian reached out to the teapot as she let the One Power drain from her. She poured them both tea, adding cream and sugar to each cup. She pressed one cup into Mirin’s hands, then took a sip from her own cup. “Why are you interested in the Yellow, Mirin?” Lydarian asked, rhetorically. “You have not the skill with Healing to rise in the ranks of the Yellow, and you strike me as an ambitious girl.”

Lydarian bent forward, and set the cup and saucer back onto the table. She turned in her seat, still smiling her motherly smile. “Perhaps more ambitious than wise, as well. Aria has never been able to hold her tongue, child. All of the Yellow has heard of your interest in Compulsion.” Lydarian gazed at the girl, taking in her reaction. “It is not a crime to speak of it, child, do not squirm so. But what has brought you to the conclusion that Compulsion can be used to cure the mind?”

[Jenny]

Mirin relaxed when she saw Lydarian’s motherly expression, although her unease did not disappear. She glanced around Lydarian Sedai’s quarters in wonder. She had visited many rooms for private lessons or to serve food and drink as a novice; but she had found that the rooms varied as much as the channeler who lived within them. Lydarian’s rooms were warm and cheerful. It looked like a home. Mirin sank into a plush yellow chair, feeling like she was sitting on a cloud. Suspicion tickled the back of her mind, but she couldn’t seem to grasp why she felt so uncomfortable.

Lydarian embraced the Power and channeled to boil the water. Subconsciously, Mirin catalogued the sensation of the other woman’s channeling …Fire and Water, and then some Air and Spirit…

Air and Spirit? Mirin glanced up in surprise, just in time to see a horribly familiar weave and then –

She blinked. A cup of tea had somehow appeared in her hand, warming her fingers. She took a sip and hid a grimace. She didn’t like her tea with cream. But sugar – yes, she loved sugar. Lydarian’s kindly face peered into hers, a motherly smile gracing her lips. Mirin sipped at her tea, enjoying its sweet fragrance. The tension ebbed out of her shoulders, and she smiled back at the Aes Sedai. She listened attentively as Lydarian spoke.

“What has brought you to the conclusion that Compulsion can be used to cure the mind?”

At the mention of Compulsion, Mirin jerked, nearly spilling her cup. Quickly, she set it down on the sitting room table, trying to hide her trembling hands. What had Aria revealed? But one more glance at Lydarian’s motherly expression calmed her fears. She could speak the truth with the Yellow sister. After all, Lydarian said it was not a crime to speak of Compulsion. And Aes Sedai could not lie.

“First, I should clarify what it means to cure the mind. It depends on the illness,” Mirin said. “Many diseases of the mind are not under voluntary control of the patient. However, a few diseases are a result of behavioral problems. For example, a patient who refuses to eat. Or a patient who has an uncontrollable desire to steal. In these cases, Compulsion can help the patient modify their behaviors. The patient may be instructed to eat, or to never steal.”

The next few words came haltingly. Her voice changed, becoming pleading and passionate. “Just before I passed my test for the ring, I found a weave for Compulsion. It was an accident! I didn’t mean to use it, it just…happened! It came so easily!” Mirin licked her lips nervously, watching the Yellow sister for a reaction, but Lydarian Sedai continued to calmly sip her tea. Mirin took a deep breath.

“I researched the subject heavily and found that… that Compulsion was a specialty of one of the Forsaken, Graendal… and that in the Age of Legends, she had studied diseases of the mind. I could find no other information in the library. So, I resolved to follow her studies as well. Not in her footsteps, no! But I thought that even the learnings of a Darkfriend could be useful.

“Lydarian Sedai – I mean, Lydie Sedai – I swear that I walk in the Light! I did not – and I still do not! – intend to use Compulsion for foul purposes. I know that the weave is forbidden by Tower law. But I could not resist the knowledge, Lydie Sedai. The weave came easily to me. I… I believe that I have a Talent for it. And I can prove it. A month ago, Aria Sedai suggested a project. I have been working with a few patients under Aria Sedai’s supervision. That is why I think – no, this is how I know that Compulsion can be used to cure the mind.”

Mirin stopped speaking. She had finally told the truth. The whole truth. Part of her felt pleased. It was a pleasure to finally share her interest and research. Another part of her felt… uncertain. She was surprised that she had spoken so candidly. Would Aria Sedai be angry?

She leaned forward in her seat. “Please don’t tell Aria Sedai that I told you about our project,” she said in a low tone. “She hopes to publish a book and doesn’t want to publish our findings prematurely. We’re still gathering data and evaluating our results.”

[Bridget]

Lydarian leaned forward and carefully set her teacup on the table. “Mirin, child, I am afraid that Aria has mislead you greatly if she has allowed you to believe such things.” She settled back into the chair, folded her hands in her lap, and considered the girl. She was not as interesting as Lydarian had hoped she might be, but she would do. “Your use of Compulsion does not cure the mind, no matter how much you might like to believe that it does.”

She tapped her finger against the arm of the chair, considering the Accepted, her mild as she continued speaking. “Consider the patient who refuses to eat. Such refusal is not a disease in itself, but a symptom of a disease. By forcing the patient to eat with Compulsion… For it is force, child. Compulsion, by its very nature, is an act of forcing another to do something that they do not desire to do. By forcing that patient, you do not even treat the symptom. I have known girls with that disease, who do not eat for fear of their figure. If you cured them with Compulsion, you certainly did not cure their self doubt and emotional pain. Worse than that, I would not be surprised to find that you caused them harm. Child, I would equate force feeding a patient with that relationship to food to torture.”

Lydarian gazed intently at the girl, watching her reaction. “If you have actually… treated a patient in such a way, you must tell me now. It is not your fault, but Aria’s, for she was the one to set you on such a path. But it cannot be allowed, child. Compulsion is at its core a dark thing. If she has lead you to believe that this work of hers will be published, she has mislead you; the Grey Tower would not stand for such a thing.”

She poured herself another cup of tea, added milk, and stirred in sugar. She took a small sip to wet her throat, and continued. “This is because Compulsion, even in the use you suggests, lacks consent. As Aria has already proved to be a subpar mentor, I wonder if she has taught you how fundamental consent is to the Yellow Ajah. We do not proceed with any treatment unless the patient or their next of kin first understands and then consents to the Healing. No person in their right mind would give you free reign over their mind.”

“I am amazed, child, that you have managed to believe such things. You have worked the weave; you know what Compulsion does. There is no goodness or sense of Healing about it. Compulsion is force. Tell me, Mirin. What does attract you to Compulsion? I know it is not Compulsion's capacity to heal.”

[Jenny]

Mirin's breath caught in her throat. "I... I... what? "

She could not tell what Lydarian Sedai wanted. Should she throw all the blame on Aria and let her take the punishment? But their work! Even if Mirin hated Aria, her mentor was still a critical part of her studies. Lydarian was staring at her, waiting for an answer. Oh, Light. Even as Mirin scrambled to find a suitable lie, she felt an indescribable urge to tell the truth. What was going on? What was happening? The words spilled, unbidden, out of her mouth.

"It is not Aria's fault. It is mine. Each time I mentioned it, she corrected me. She told me about consent. She told me that it was wrong, that it was evil... and I used her greed against her and convinced her to let me do this. I'm the one who has been designing the experiments and using the weave. I am the one at fault... But I can't help it!"

Mirin's hand balled into a fist and she lifted her chin proudly.

"This is the one thing I'm good at, Lydarian Sedai. It makes me feel strong, like I can actually do something that matters. The other Accepted have all found their niches. They can Dream or Heal or make ter'angreal... then there's me. I'm always the odd person out. And besides, Compulsion is so useful. Why should I be shamed for something that I'm good at?"

Her voice became fierce. "So yes, I have treated patients. And yes, their health have improved! I make it so they want to eat, they want to get better, and they want to live! I have this ability and I want to use it, if not in the infirmary then somewhere else. I want to be able to do great things, Lydarian Sedai. Don't stop me!"

She stared defiantly at the sister although her insides felt about to shrivel up in fear. What was she thinking? She had never dared to speak so brazenly to an Aes Sedai. Surely she would be thrown out of the Tower now.

What have I done? she thought. Light, I might be stilled! She waited for the certain punishment, wishing with all her might that she could take back her words.