Lost in my Ways (Attn: Craig/Elia)

[Teddy]

Cayden looked around, his face betraying utter confusion. He had only been at the Tower a couple of days, and he still had trouble finding his way back to the Drin'far'ji Quarters. He had had an appointment with the Master of Training, as a follow-up conversation to his enlistment interview and an introduction to what his education would be like for the coming years, and he had been surprised to find the way to the office on his first try. The return didn't go so well, however. He couldn't remember doing anything differently, but here he was, in a part of the Tower he didn't think he'd seen before. Dignified men and women with the ageless faces of Asha'man and Aes Sedai hurried by, but Cayden was still too afraid of them to ask them the way. Even the younger ones, those wearing the serpent ring or sword pin, seemed to demand an amount of respect nobody had ever dared to ask of Cayden.

And so, he wandered around, unsure if he was going the right way or if he was only distancing himself further from his room. He knew he had quite a lot of time before his next appointment, time he was supposed to spend on deciding his classes and letting the information sink in, but he was starting to fear he would be wandering these hallways forever. All these corridors and hallways seemed to look the same, each as magnificent and breath-taking as the next.

After strolling around like this for what seemed like hours, Cayden really started to lose hope. He would have to muster his courage and ask some of the passers-by. It seemed silly to be so afraid of talking to others, but Cayden's conversations with the Master of Training had made it clear that the Grey Tower was not an easy place to be, and that the hierarchy was strict. He really didn't want to embarrass himself or antagonize people in his first week. Still, it seemed his only choice if he was to find his room again.

Well, if he was to ask one of these people, one of the girls in the white dresses would do. Master Carbern had told him those were the Aes Sedai equivalent of his own rank, the Novices. Cayden looked around for one he could ask, but most of them seemed caught up in conversation, or otherwise distracted. Finally, his eye fell on a particularly good-looking individual, a pretty girl with light red hair and a smooth face that held the beauty of youth. She seemed fully focused on the broom in her hands, sweeping left and right in an attempt to sweep the floor while people hurried along. She would probably have time to help him.

Carefully, Cayden approached the girl. Her face, although focused, showed warmth and kindness. Ever since the difficulties -Cayden cringed inwards at the euphemism- with his father had started, he had tried to avoid talking to people any more than necessary, but he would have to get over that if he was to survive in the Tower. Mustering all his courage, he spoke up.

"Excuse me, err, Novice? I'm sorry, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to call you. I'm new here, you see. I only arrived here a couple of days ago." Cayden's cheeks reddened. Where did this incoherent rambling come from? Light, he was usually much better at talking to pretty girls. Perhaps he was still a little uneasy in the Tower. "My name is... Cayden." He purposefully left out his last name. If the Tower decided his background didn't matter, he would prove to them that he could hold his own without it. He absently touched the ring on his left hand again, but quickly drew back. "I'm... Light, this is embarassing. I'm a little lost. I was trying to find my way to the Drin'far'ji quarters, but I must've taken some wrong turn. Could you help me?"

[Craig]

Elia

Malachite green eyes rose to meet the Andoran's face with a look of unveiled curiosity. It was unusual to see a Drin in the Tower proper; more so to find one so flustered. So he was new to the Tower? She could believe it. He looked young, although he was handsome more than cute. A sincere smile of delight spread across her face. It was always easy to smile, but a handsome face made it easier still. Mm, and a delectable accent too. She would have to try out that regal Andoran sound later.

"If you can call me Novice, Drin'far'ji," she replied with mock curtness, "or you can try Elia." Even gripping onto the broom, she was able to make a good curtsy, spreading her skirts with her one free hand. Whether he was noble or not, she could be more than polite. "And you are certainly lost." If he wasn't so agitated, she may have chuckled at him. She thought his expression of worry bore a little too much seriousness behind it. Her brother also had the same look at times, which is how she could read it in Cayden's face.

"You are in the Grey Tower, Cayden Drin'far'ji. What you are looking for is in the Warders' Hall, that blocky four-storey building that lies on the northern edge of the Tower's grounds. The reason you are likely lost is because there's no way to reach the Warder Yards without leaving the Tower, and it's a bit of a rabbit warren in here." Her smile changed to one of sympathy. It was a rabbit warren, no more or less confusing than the White Tower had been.

She reached out with her free hand to cusp his elbow. "Come, I'll show-" The words cut off as she remembered the broom in her other hand. She glanced at it guiltily. "Ah, yes. Sorry, I would show you the way out, but chores." Dropping her outstretched arm, she shrugged with only a hint of annoyance in her green eyes. "If you're not in a rush, you could wait for me to finish..." That sentence also trailed off. She was maybe halfway through sweeping the floor, and this was not a short corridor. She sighed, her desire to be helpful scuppered by her duties. "Well, um... That's awkward."

[Teddy]

The first thing Cayden noticed as the Novice answered him was her kindness, despite the snarky answer. While not exactly unpleasant, it made him wary nonetheless. Why would she be kind to him? They didn't know each other. But he could be wary and polite at the same time, and besides, even fake kindness was more than anyone else here had shown him so far. Even the fact that she would try to give the impression was better than nothing.

He smiled back, trying to put as much charm in that smile as possible. While it didn't come as natural as usual, it was still close enough to the smile that had usually gotten him whatever he wanted. "If you want, I could help you out here first. I don't think I could find the way back without guidance anyway, and I have some time to spare before my next appointment. Perhaps this will give me time to think." Besides, if he was to do chores in this place anyway, he might as well start soon and learn how it was done. Light, he had never cleaned anything before. Wasn't that a servant's job? There were plenty of servants around here. But if these people decided it was his task, then he would do it, asinine as it was.

He grabbed the mop, and looked at Elia, suddenly feeling awkward. What would this girl think of him, standing there like some dimwit with no idea what he was doing? Luckily, he had remembered what she had been doing when he came up to her, and he tried to imitate those sweeping motions. Now that he was thinking about it, why didn't Elia simply use the One Power to do this? She was a channeler, wasn't she? Cayden had heard stories of the all-powerful and invincible Aes Sedai. Why would someone so powerful resign to doing such a menial task? He wasn't sure if he would insult her in asking, however, so he just kept his mouth shut while quickly working the mop. After a while, it seemed his task -or Elia's- was done, although he wasn't sure if he'd be able to tell.


OOC: This seems like a strange place to stop, but I didn't want to godmod Elia's reaction to this, and didn't really know what to do without it :0

[Craig]

Elia

When Cayden grabbed the mop out of her hands, her first reaction had been to protest. Then she realised that she had just got a man to do her chores without even needing to ask. She beamed inside and out, and dropped a deep curtsy. "Why thank you, Cayden." Dropping the Drin'far'ji seemed suitable, as they were of equivalent rank.

Elia made reassuring sounds and gestures as they worked their way along the corridor. She had no idea what she would say if an Accepted or Aes Sedai came up and asked what she was doing, supervising Cayden. But Elia let her mind, and her eyes, wander across the Andoran's frame. For a young man new to the Tower, she keenly noted that he already had some nicely developed muscles. Given a year or two, and that uniform would be unbearably small for him. She could feel a silent purr building in her throat, and whenever he turned to observe her, she made sure her eyes were on his face, instead of on other parts of his anatomy.

The Shienaran had a rule, self-imposed as it was, when it came to meeting new people. They could be considered friends, or they could be considered potential admirers. Friends she would readily accept, so long as they gave her no reason to be offended. Admirers had to work for her affections; she was not one for the sort of casual relationships associated with sailors and merchants' guards. Cayden could slot into either of those categories. He was handsome enough for the latter, at least.

As they moved along the corridor, with Cayden sweeping and Elia appreciating the view, she chatted away. "You need to tell me more about yourself. I'm assuming you have a family name, unless you're secretly Aiel?" She giggled just a little at that. "And I'm guessing... Andor? I'm Shienaran, of course." She slipped into a gruff accent, Ravak's to be precise, for the next sentence. "Peace, favour your sword."

Thinking on Ravak brought up a conversation they had had. A very frank conversation that surprised her almost as much as it amused her. "You can't pursue relationships, according to the rules." That had been rich, coming from Ravak-flirting-with-an-Accepted Darrow. "But you should definitely consider whom you may wish to bond to. When you forge a bond with your Warder, that's it. It's permanent, for you and for him. Best you know as much about potential Warders as possible before you earn the shawl, El." An uncharacteristically heartfelt expression from her little brother.

She smiled, both at the memory and for the man before her. "And a Drin'far'ji too. You will be looking for a bondmate at some point, I suspect. I'm guessing you haven't given it much thought, yet." Seed the idea early, and see whether any shoots bloom.

[Teddy]

To his surprise, he noticed he wasn't doing as horrible a job as he had expected. In all fairness, the task wasn't particularly hard either, but he'd never done anything like it before, and Elia sounded approving. It wasn't as bad as he had expected either. Back home, he had always seen cleaning as a servant's job, something beneath him, something boring and dumb that should be left to his lessers. However, he hadn't realized the sense of peace that the simple work gave. The work didn't seem so bad anymore, especially with the nice view to entertain him.

Cayden smiled at Elia's simple chatter. At first, he didn't understand why she was trying to keep the conversation alive, but he found himself enjoying it, to his surprise. Cayden was usually uncomfortable with talking to strangers, but something about this girl was different, more comforting. Perhaps it was the warm, open smile, or the fact that she genuinely looked like a kind person, but he enjoyed talking to her, even about frivolous things.

"My name is Cayden Mantear." She had a nice laugh. "And I'm Andoran, yeah, how did you know? Is it my accent? I've never been great at guessing those." He laughed at Elia's sudden change of accent. It was a clear laugh, a genuine laugh. Light, he hadn't enjoyed himself like this in a while, and in such a simple way, too. The simplicity of what he was doing combined with the pleasant conversations made him forget about everything else, and seemed to shut his mind for anything outside that hallway.

He wondered for a second why she asked about bondmates. He had almost forget, Elia was a channeler, training to become Aes Sedai. He had always thought of Aes Sedai as these near-omnipotent, intouchable women, but she seemed so... normal. In a good way. "I haven't really thought about it, no. I mean, I've only been here for a couple of days. I've heard it's the most sacred duty of a Gaidin, though. What about you?" Cayden tried to sound casual. "Have you given it any thought?"

[Craig]

Elia

“Mm.” It was a contented sound. A considering sound. “I have an ear for accents. Also, my father is Andoran, so there is that.” She gave a slight shrug. If their conversation meandered over to Andor, she would lose him. An ear for accents, yes; intimate knowledge of her father’s homeland, not so much.

Genuine relief washed over her when he didn’t continue that line of discussion. Instead he laughed, laughed! Oh, it was so warm and inviting. She wanted to grip onto that sound with both hands and envelop herself in it.

Her reverie was gently interrupted by Cayden’s voice. "I haven't really thought about it, no. I mean, I've only been here for a couple of days. I've heard it's the most sacred duty of a Gaidin, though. What about you? Have you given it any thought?"

She had. Oh, she had...
----- Wooden swords clacked against one another as four boys played in the street. Elia watched with mild disinterest, as Ravak swung his little sword at Haruki and Shiro.

“Give up Shienaran,” Haruki hissed, followed on by Shiro’s “Give up and maybe we’re spare your life.” They were playing at Soldiers and Shadowspawn. Ravak was the valiant Warder with her, apparently, the Aes Sedai in need of defending. She puffed up her cheeks and blew them out, only to hear the same sounds coming from her brother a moment later.

“Aes Sedai don’t need protecting,” she muttered to herself sulkily. “They don’t need stupid boys to protect them.”
----- The memory passed in the space of a moment. A little colour reddened her cheeks as she pursed her lips before answering. “I’ve started to give it a little thought,” she stated carefully. “It’s an important decision, choosing a Warder. Someone told me I should start thinking on the matter early, even as soon as now.” She tilted her head to the side in that same manner Aikaterine and Sinead sometimes did. Was it meant to look thoughtful and considering? Appraising? She shook her head slightly as a thought distracted her. “Some Greens apparently marry their Warders. Or they bond their lovers. Maybe a bit of both.”

“One of the Gaidin said that it’s the same for Drin’far’ji. That they should consider whom they may bond early too. It’s a lifelong decision for a Gaidin. A little less so for an Aes Sedai or Asha’man.” Thoughtfulness had given way to something more contemplative, the weight of the words heavy on her tongue.

Well, that had not gone as expected. A fine way to drive away a man, Elia Darrow. A fine way indeed. She pulled a smile back onto her face, but it didn’t touch her eyes. “My apologies. Normally it’s my brother who’s the serious one. I’m not entirely sure where all of that came from.” She smoothed her skirts, a touch of trepidation keeping her from meeting Cayden’s blue eyes. Instead she watched the mophead.

[Teddy]

Although he wasn't ashamed of it, Cayden still felt somewhat relieved that she didn't seem to recognize his last name, especially with an Andoran father. Elia didn't look like a noblewoman -she looked far too honest for that- and commoners usually had some preconceptions about nobles, whether it was that they were conceited or lazy or some other negative quality.

Cayden looked at Elia's cheeks as they reddened. Usually, he didn't like it when people did that, and he hated when he did it himself. He saw it as a sign of insecurity, and insecurity should not be shown to others. On this girl, it didn't seem insecure at all. Her looks and behavior were very mature, and the red on her cheeks added just that little bit of youthfulness that made her all the more attractive.

He nondded at her answer. Yes, the Master of Training had mentioned the bonding to him, and how important it was, if he chose it as his destiny. He had given a little thought to whether or not he wanted to be bonded at all, and the more he thought about it, the more he had come to realize that he did. He had come to the Grey Tower because this place was more suited than any other to turn him into a weapon of the Light, and compensate for the darkness in his father. Still, he would never be as valuable a weapon as these channelers, so the best thing to do was dedicate his life to their protection.

“Some Greens apparently marry their Warders. Or they bond their lovers. Maybe a bit of both.” It seemed to come as an afterthought, but it still had Cayden thinking. How spectacular would that be? But it would most likely remain a dream. He didn't think he would ever marry anyone, not after watching his parents. Usually, thinking about that made him sad, but somehow, Elia's presence didn't allow that.

"I suppose I'll have to think about it, than," Cayden said with a smile. He laughed again as she apologized. Light, he had never considered himself a cheerful person. "No apologies, please, it's no problem." Something that had been a curiosity to him for a while came to him. He hadn't dared to ask anyone before, but he felt comfortable with this girl. "Elia, can I ask you something? You're a Novice, so I assume you can channel. I've always wondered... How do you find out if you can channel or not? Does it just... come to you?"

[Craig]

Elia

"Elia?" The way Cayden enunciated each syllable of her name made her tingle. His rich imperial accent was like honeyed wine to her ears. "Can I ask you something?" She made a small sound of approval before he continued. "You're a Novice, so I assume you can channel. I've always wondered..." He paused, some deliberation going on behind those blue eyes. "How do you find out if you can channel or not? Does it just... come to you?"

It was with no small effort that she made herself look away from those young and beautiful eyes. Normally she just loved to tease men to see how much she could get away with; it was not inappropriate conduct to simply talk with Soldiers or Drin'far'ji. However, Cayden... Peace woman, get a hold of yourself! She tugged at the arms of her dress, making sure she wasn't showing any more of herself than was proper.

She split her focus between the faces walking by and Cayden, without staring too hard at one or the other. "Some girls with the ability to channel are discovered by Aes Sedai. Once you become familiar with touching the One Power, women can sense the potential in others. For men, I believe it is different, although I don't know how." Elia gave a little shrug. "Saidar and saidin may be two halves of the same whole, but they are as different as day and night in some respects."

"Others," she continued warily, "end up channelling without really knowing how." The corner of her mouth curled in slight disgust. Wilders. A word with negative connotations; a term that applied to her. "They say they are born with the spark. Most women who end up channelling that way end up dead sometimes afterwards, and those who don't end up with a block." She wished she had the mop back for something to grab onto. Instead she pulled her thick braid over her shoulders and consciously fretted with the ends of it. "I was one of those with the spark."

"I suppose you want to hear how it happened?" Cayden's scrutining look lingered over her flushed face, bringing more warmth to the surface. She raised a hand to her cheek to cover her embarrassment, twisting her torso away. "Well, I'm not sure exactly. After a woman-, well I was a girl. After a girl channels, she falls into a sudden fever some time thereafter. That is what kills most wi- women." She had almost said wilders. "I had that fever in my childhood. There was an illness going around a lot of the children, and my brother fell ill. Gravely ill. He recovered quicker than the others, and then I fell ill with a fever." Again, she gave a little shrug. "I'm not actually sure if that's when I first touched saidar, but a number of Aes Sedai said it was likely."

Absently Elia plucked loose hair from her dress, still covering up her cheek and watching a wall intently. She thought she could feel Cayden's breath on her, but he was standing too far apart for that to be anything but a wild fancy. Light, he's just a boy. Well that was a brazen lie, but anything she could do to stop being flustered would help. Distract him. "Why do you ask? Surely it must be more interesting to learn about swords and bows than wishing you were one of the Soldiers?" Her own experience was that Tower life was chores and classes and homework and more classes and chores. Her one outing with Ravak to practice throwing daggers had been the sole exception to her routine as a novice. "Or maybe you should tell me how you came to the Tower?"

[Teddy]

Parts of what Elia was explaining sounded like total gibberish, but Cayden nodded and smiled like he understood. What in the Light was saidin or saidar? Still, he understood the principle of it. He understood that Elia apparently had a more natural ability with channeling than most. Surprisingly, however, she didn't seem to happy about that. Her fingers tensed around her braid and her cheeks reddened as she talked about it, almost as if she were ashamed of it.

That was strange. How could a natural ability be a bad thing? It felt a little like how Cayden had been, back home. He had always been one of the best with the sword, especially among the other youths. He had picked up new techniques more easily than the rest, and he had been able to beat even some of the weaker adults. It had been a source of great honor for him; people respected him because of his swordsmanship. How was it than, that an inborn ability for such greatness, such incredible power, was a bad thing? But, Cayden thought, these were channelers. He could not presume to know how men and women of such power thought.

Her story about her childhood was touching. Her love of her brother shone through her word, like the background of a painting that framed the work perfectly, without overshadowing it. It brought back memories of his own, of his sister, Petra. For years, she had been the most important part of his life, his princess that he had to protect. But, unlike Elia, he had failed in that task. Petra had died, and Cayden had taken the blame. While the memory still filled him with an intense sadness, it lighted his spirits a little bit that Elia had not gone through the same horrifying experience, that not everyone had felt that void in their heart. Strangely, there was no jealousy, only relief.

"No disrespect, but I have no jealousy towards the channelers in the Tower," Cayden said, laughing through the sadness of his sister's memory. "Such power brings an awful amount of responsibility. I know that everyone has their responsibilities, and I will not walk away from mine, but I will not feign discontent for not having more." No, he had responsibilities enough, between those toward the Grey Tower and those toward his family and his land. Still, it only made him respect channelers more.

Her follow-up question took him off guard. He wasn't even sure exactly what to tell her. It was probably best to stay close to the truth, but he didn't want to scare her with the whole story, nor did he really want to share it with a girl he had just met, no matter how enchanting and comforting she was. "Well, you may recognize my last name, Mantear. My house is one of the nineteen Great Houses of Andor, and the late Queen Mordrellen's house. My father was a reasonably powerful nobleman in his own right. When I was about thirteen years old, my sister died. After that, my family kind of... fell apart." Well, it was true, although not the full truth. "My father's situation deteriorated, until a couple of months ago, my parents died, in an accident. After that, I had to get away. I heard this place had the greatest weaponry experts this side of the Spine of the World, so I figured this'd be as good a place as any."

There had been a lot of truth in his story, although he hadn't told the whole story. He wasn't ready for that, not with the wounds of it still hurting so bad. He tried to shift the conversation back to Elia. "So, what about you? Your story must be more interesting than mine. You come from Shienar, you said, but your father is Andoran. Tell me something about your old life. If that's okay with you, of course"

[Craig]

Elia

It was hard for Elia to relate to Cayden’s trauma. She had lost an uncle when she was a child, but he had died in the service of Shienar. That seemed pale in comparison to losing a sister at thirteen. She couldn’t imagine losing her parents or Ravak, especially at that young an age. And losing both parents so soon. Before she knew it she was pressing herself against him, arms wrapping around his muscular form. “I’m so sorry Cayden.” Everything she had been feeling was replaced by a deep need to comfort him. He was of a height with Ravak, and it was a familial embrace she held him in.

Parting from him, she was barraged by a wave of self-consciousness - a novice hugging a Drin in the middle of the Tower. Fortunately there was no-one in the hallway with them, and they had also reached the end. She took the broom back from Cayden a little too curtly and shamefully.

“I can take you to the Warder Halls now?”
----- The afternoon air was clement as they finally weaved their way out of the Grey Tower. Elia was still feeling self-conscious, but leaving the physical symbol of the Aes Sedai and Asha’man helped a little. She still couldn’t help looking thoughtfully into Cayden’s blue eyes, but she also keep her gaze on the path towards the barracks.

“So what about you?” That was Cayden’s first words since the hug. “Your story must be more interesting than mine. You come from Shienar, you said, but your father is Andoran. Tell me something about your old life. If that's okay with you, of course?"

Elia was grateful for the opportunity to speak again. “I doubt that it was. My childhood was normal.” She shrugged. Her childhood had been normal for a Shienaran. How that compared to an Andoran noble, she had no clue. “My father works directly for the Lord of Fal Dara. My brother would have joined the army, if he didn’t come here.” Just boring facts of life. It was her ability to channel that differentiated her from most other women, not some momentous event from her past. She could feel the presence of saidar, blissfully close yet unattainable.

Elia rubbed at her arms, working at the dry skin underneath. This conversation had gone considerably awry in her opinion. Unwillingly she said “I’m sorry. I may have overstepped the mark, and...” Malachite eyes glittered with a want for approval. “Sorry Cayden.”