Things Fall Apart; The Centre Cannot Hold [Attn: Sojin Majere Gaidin]

[Bella]

She listened to him with an enigmatic expression. It felt so natural to her, riding along a forest path with a Gaidin at her side, that she felt parts of her begin to relax. Not that she would let her guard down--She was many things, but an idiot was never one of them--but that of her that was safe to relax began to do so. Places in her heart that had done nothing but tense began to ease again.

Already, I feel more myself, she reflected silently. The thought of Jerid's protection of the Amyrlin Seat, and her in particular, brought some amusement to her smile, though none more than what he had murmured.

"This is not the first time I've done this," she said plainly. But she did not go so far as to admit how many times, or what had happened or where she had gone. "Although this is the first time I will have chosen to go so far off before returning." She allowed that much. "I imagine it's a bit of both, too. Your father is skilled, but so am I."

A soft laugh spilled from her lips as her mind roved back nearly a century and a half back. "Sneaking out in the middle of the night is what led to me eventually landing at the Tower." She remembered herself as that fifteen year old girl, reckless and stubborn, and a mother who preferred an iron fist to a velvet touch. "As you can imagine, this has afforded me a long time to perfect the technique."

Oh, that had been another life...another Miahala. And yet, not at all. In many ways, she was still that girl. Her soul had been piled higher with heartache and loss, time has weathered her heart, and her mind had become a rough, battered place...but that girl had not died, even when the outer shell had passed and been returned. She was still her, and yet more, and always would be.

"We can never truly be other than who we are, don't you think?" she asked, casting a sidelong glance at him.

[Jack]

Sojin smirked at the thought of Jerid Walker being skilled enough to slip out of the Tower unknowingly. Perhaps in the past, the Indigo did so, but now he was rarely without his Warder.

“Aye, but he has also had a Warder attached him for the better part of a decade,” Sojin murmured. "He was bonded to Sienna Calin and had the common sense to rebond Lysira."

First there had been Sienna Calin and then Lysira. Sienna died years ago, and Lysira … well, he was happy that played out when it did.

The two were perfect together, well, within what their world threw at them.

His sapphire eyes looked sideways at the Aes Sedai, and he tilted his head. “So you slipped from your family home and found yourself in the Grey Tower,” he murmured.

Sojin chuckled. “I was ordered to the Tower by my captain because a noble woman channeled, and on our way to the Grey Tower, she channeled in front of Whitecloaks.” He smiled faintly. “A patrol caught up with us not far from the Tower and I told her to run … and I got an arrow in my side.”

The truth was he had been ordered away and he knew it. His captain didn't enjoy having someone who could surpass him in promotion in his unit. An attempt to return to his calvary unit resulted in a discharge.

“You escape because you have the option,” he said. “Whether some one agrees to your escape or not is another matter entirely.”

[Bella]

Mentioning the reunion of the First Seeker and the Gaidar once called Mouse brought a smile to Mia's face. She had seen neither of them so often as she might have liked, but she had not forgotten how she all but called that girl daughter once. And the two were clearly suited to one another. Their fracture had been saddening, and it pleased Mia.

If only we could all have returned and been reunited... But no. Hers remained cold and in the ground. So there was no past to return to and only the future to move into, which she was working on.

Being out in the wilderness and on the road had a freeing effect on her tongue, it always had. "Well, it was the sneaking out that got me cast out," she explained. "Like then as like now, I had a habit of slipping out and doing as I pleased. And having someone not agree with me in the doing." She laughed, though it was a breathy, barely audible sound.

"I loved to dance as a girl, and snuck out to go dancing at a tavern. I would perform for the patrons." She glanced side long at him. "All well in propriety of course, I was no flip-skirt, but still... It did not enthuse my mother to know what her eldest daughter was up to. We had a terrible fight and she cast me out of the house. My eldest brother followed, and we ended up at the Tower.

"I was found to have the spark and stuffed in novice white. He chose to go home." Dorant, long dead now, but his family line still lived on in the land of their birth. She smiled to think of him. "So as you see, this is not an unusual thing for me. I've just gotten a lot better at it."

[Jack]

Sojin was all too aware of the Amyrlin Seat's frankness as she spoke of her past. One of the women who had preceded her was never so open, and Light help him, he still had mixed emotions about dancing around her attempts to control the lives of others.

But that had been a different time, and a different person. With Miahala, suspected that she would be more … blunt with the Hall of Sitters and her own counterpart, Durent. She was fire and ice rolled into one, spirited and down to earth.

And her stories revealed just as much.

And yet he raised an eyebrow at the mention of a mother who might disapprove of a daughter who danced, yet did so within in the realm of modesty. In the land that claimed sa'sara as its own, surely there was some leniency among nobles.

Apparently not.

“You might be more fortunate than I was, in some respects, Aes Sedai,” Sojin murmured. He looked sideways at Miahala and smiled faintly. “Slipping away was never allowed in the Majere household, and when Caleb Ashe of the Tower Guard raises you and your brother and his own, you follow a strict regime.”

He smirked then. “Though he did insist that I learn to dance, since it was I who was the klutz early in life and my brother the agile one. He incurred a considerable personal debt after he asked a young Green Aes Sedai to teach me.”

Where Miahala was put out, however, Sojin chose to run. He never looked back, nor did he revisit. The broadsword at his back was a bittersweet reminder.

“I ran away,” Sojin said after a moment. “Or it feels like running. I was told by my foster father that I would face a choice when the time came: Tar Valon's Warder Yards or the Tower Guard. I heard of Lord Cauthon's mighty army and the man who Lady Luck favored, rolled the dice and chose a third path.”

He looked ahead, his sapphire eyes staring into the distance, as much to scan the area as to think. He smiled faintly. “He cursed me, told me I was making a foolish mistake and then told me he was proud that he had a son who would choose his own path. The sword he gave me was his, a heron-marked blade given to him the day he was worthy to wield it.”

Sojin wasn't nearly so worthy, in his own mind. He was one of the best swordsmen in the Tower, but he felt he still had a long ways yet before he could approach the likes of Caden Ives or Lord Sigmund. And then there was the fact that even after nearly two decades since his bond with Saphire ended, he refused to wear the fan cloak.

“The rest is history,” the Gaidin murmured, looking back at Miahala. “Our paths eventually lead us to the Grey Tower and to serve.”

[Bella]

Mia enjoyed his frankness, and learning more about him as she hoped he at least didn't mind learning about her. What else was there to do on long journeys but talk and come to know one another? She had gotten to know many a friend, and more, by this method and she saw nothing wrong with continuing the tradition.

"The path may be paved with broken glass, but through blood or fire, the Creator bid us to this place," she said thoughtfully, softly. "It cut deep to have my mother turn us out of our ancestral farm, but I am grateful to the life--even its pains--that the Tower has granted me."

Her thoughts drifted to him speaking of learning to dance, and thinking that it had been too long since she had done so herself. Perhaps you can dance to the singing of Saldea, she thought, which brought her back to a long ago memory and the dance in the moonlight (again, sneaking off) and the intimate audience...

Pulling herself from that sorrow, she glanced at him with a sidelong glance and glinting eyes in the dim light. "Hopefully after a barrage of Sha'hal family, you shall not regret letting your path so often blend with mine."

[Jack]

Sojin laughed quietly at Miahala's philosophical interruption of the reasons that brought everyone to the Grey Tower. The Gaidin knew better than to argue measures of the Pattern, and truth be told, he lived his life much more simply these days.

If the Pattern deigned to drive his existence, he would rather not know about it. He was a solider and a Warder. Things were already complex as it was without having to decide if his next trip to the privy was predetermined.

"I was bid to this place because an paranoid captain ordered me to escort a young woman who showed the spark so he could remove a threat to his career," Sojin murmured. "It was a Whitecloak arrow that landed me in the Infirmary after I had to tell the woman to ride as hard as she could so I could delay the small Whitecloak patrol."

Still, he could not compare to the betrayal of family, even if it took the form of being turned out of your own home. For all his distance from his family, even his own estranged relationship with his twin, Sojin knew he was still welcome in Tar Valon and in House Majere. One or two considered him a hero.

His sapphire eyes went to the Aes Sedai when she spoke and he cocked his head slightly.

Sojin smiled faintly. "Miahala Ives, nothing could ever dissuade me from regretting my path cross yours," he said with a smirk. "You make life too interesting and that, to me, is always priceless."

His eyes danced as he looked at the Aes Sedai and he murmured, "Besides, looking after your rear end is never a disappointing site."

[Bella]

"So you've mentioned," Mia replied with a soft laugh. It seemed that with each step away from the Grey Tower, she was able to feel a little more human. A little more herself. The Tower was home, and it always would be, but even one's home could become as a prison from time to time. And everyone needed to get out and find somewhere to breathe.

And she seemed to enjoy it even more in good company. "I do hope that this trip will be sufficiently quiet enough that mayhap we can put that sight to better use than too much fastidious guarding of it," she quipped un-apologetically. Then again, when had she ever apologized for who and how she was? "Then again, maybe that won't qualify as keeping life interesting..." A brief sidelong, teasing look.

Turning back to view the road ahead, looking at it bathed in moonlight. "We should soon be far enough away from the Tower to be clear and set camp for the rest of the night," she suggested. "Begin again at first light. What do you think, Gaidin?"

[Jack]

“And so I'll keep mentioning,” Sojin said half-joking, half-serious. He knew Miahala was more than capable of defending herself, but he was still a Gaidin and she was the Amyrlin Seat.

Well, it mattered more to him that she was an Aes Sedai first. Amyrlin Seats came and went with a desire to retire, the will of the Hall of Sitters, or death. It was the Warder who ensured that those who moved on in life remained, in fact, living.

Death had proven it had no desire to keep Miahala Sedai, and Sojin aimed keep her very much alive.

Most aimed to misbehave — Light, he preferred to do that — but he was a Gaidin first.

Of course, Miahala's next comment made him chuckle. He shot a daring glare sideways to the Green, all too well recalling the morning they shared in his bed.

“I don't think there would be anything quiet about putting the sight to other uses, if the last time such an occurrence was an indicator,” he said cheekily. “I had complaints from one person … and the other … she approved.”

There was a bit of humility in the latter part of the statement. He wasn't one to boast.

But then they were traveling to a Borderland nation and things happened. The second the Tower realized the Amyrlin Seat had vanished, they would disregard any precaution that Miahala left behind and throw a wide net.

Unless … Oh flaming bloody ashes. The man knew everything. He would either delay any knowledge that an old friend had gone afar or weave some Asha'man conundrum of an excuse to keep would-be sneaks at bay for a few days.

It was no secret that father and son didn't agree on many aspects of life or duty, but perhaps they found some common ground.

“Pray life is semi-quiet,” Sojin murmured. “We go to a place that lived with the Trollocs for three thousand years — with the exception of the Trolloc Wars — while most of the rest of the Westlands lived in ignorance. Anything can happen.”

He raised a finger. “Of course, if one of your kin challenges my ability as a horseman, I will not back down,” he said seriously. “Saldaea breeds good men and women of calvary, but the Shen an calhar train better.”

His eyes followed Miahala's and he nodded in agreement. “I doubt anyone will follow,” he murmured. Sojin smirked and added, “He knows you are gone. To him, the Amyrlin Seat is a sacred position, and for once he can't predict one. And he wants the Hall to suffer the same fate.”

He smiled in brief admiration.

Sojin tilted his head and added, “Of course, one would expect an Aes Sedai to simply weave a Gateway to her home.” His eyes danced. “But you prefer the long way around.”

After a while he nodded toward an ideal, logically sound, campsite and veered off the roadway before dismounting and securing his horse.

And the second Miahala dismounted, his lips were on hers. His arms wrapped around her body as his tongue rolloped over hers. A brief moment later he pulled back, but not before nipping her lips.

“For what it is worth, if anything, you are both brave and foolish to leave to Tower to find some center,” he whispered. He kissed her again, lightly, a brush of the lips. “In some ways, I envy you.”

He pulled away completely and nodded slightly in respect. “I'll go find some firewood. If bandits attack … well at least I'll have the satisfaction of watching them run away when I get back here.”

The silver-haired Gaidin turned away smiling. This Aes Sedai was no fool, nor stupid. If bandits did attack, they would be cinders.

Thankfully, firewood was plentiful and he collected most of what he needed in ten minutes. But those short moments let his mind roam and think and debate.

You're falling for her, he thought. So what if he was. You aren't fit to bear the bond …

“One has neither to do with the other,” he murmured. His … aversion to accepting a bond was well known in the Yards, but for once he wasn't exactly skittish about the thought.

He shrugged the whole debate aside. Worthy or not of a bond, the current Amyrlin Seat would do a lot better in her selection of a possible Warder than him. Caden Ives, Master of Arms, had been her Warder to the end, and those definite successors existed within the Yards. She did not deserve a Warder who ran away and kept his fancloak always in pack beside him, unworn for almost 20 years.

All he could be was a friend who understood what it was to be a solider, or a person who understood her desire to run away and least achieve some peace. The First Seeker kept him in some loop about the fact she was heavily guarded — no thanks to him — and that she probably didn't prefer the attention.

All soldiers thought alike.

He returned and dropped the firewood unceremoniously in a central spot. Ideally, it was a good spot given several others had used it, given the pit he dumped the wood in. “Begging the Aes Sedai's pleasure, a simple flick of what you call Fire should do. It's perhaps the one luxury of a channeler I will ask and indulge in asking.”

[Bella]

Oh, woman, what are you doing? Miahala asked herself as she watched him walk away. She still felt that tingling echo of heat on her lips from the sudden, strong kiss. She ran her tongue over them, almost as though she could still taste him, and again...she wondered what in the Light she thought she was doing. No, clearly 'thinking' didn't have much to do with it.

Almost without conscious directive, she embraced saidar and wrapped a ward around the camp. Nothing ugly, as she didn't want to hurt Sojin, but for warning.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to take care of the horses. She pulled down their saddlebags and set them around what had obviously been used as a firepit in the past and then untacked them. The two beasts looked as though they had as much interest in one another as their riders and that made Mia laugh with a shake of her head. It was going to be an interesting trip, more than she had planned.

She had buried four lovers and warders in her more than a century and a half of life. What did she think she was doing now? Did she really want to bury another? You didn't exactly bury Caden, now did you? the voice reminded her. As she ran her hands over Seren's coat, checking him over, she replied, He's dead all the same.

Although Sojin's horse had been tolerant enough to let her remove the saddlebags and tack--Tower horses generally were, since they were maintained by the stable-hands--she took care. Another's horse could be very...focused to their own riders, and she treated that with respect.

Once all that was settled, she turned to the bags and knelt beside the pit. Not much makes you feel human anymore, you know. The voice was incessant. Even your children and family can't always manage it. But that one, yes, that one makes you feel like there is a heart that still beats and blood that still flows in that icy prison you call your body. That is worth much, is it not?

That was hard to deny. She liked the feeling. Most days, of late, it was just sitting and tending tasks and... Being Aes Sedai, more so than ever before and that was saying something. With Sojin, she relaxed. She joked. She flirted. She...felt more than crazy, more than contempt or cages. She felt good things, and she liked it.

Was this fair to him? To draw anyone to her, after the past she had... He's a grown man. He'll make his choices.

Before that inward conversation could continue, the ward was triggered and she heard Sojin's approach. She recognized him easily without even having to look at him. He dumped the firewood into their small pit. Now she glanced up at him. Maybe it was the word pleasure, maybe the word indulge, but that part of her he brought out returned now.

With saidar still washing through her, she smiled slightly as she used Air to pull him to her. She pressed her lips to his this time and as she did so, released threads of Fire to wrap around the wood. Any dampness in them was immediately vanished and a small blaze came to life as she tilted her head and deepened the kiss. No flames so large as to call attention to their little camp, or be so flamboyant as to start a forest fire...but enough to make her point.

[Jack]

Sojin was prepared to turn about, to help with setting up camp when he felt the invisible belt wrap around him. His hand was at his sword hilt before he realized the source.

He found himself facing Miahala and very soon after in a deep kiss. The silver-haired Gaidin's heart skipped a beat, all too aware of Miahala's stout body against his.

When he decided to offer to go along with the Aes Sedai, he wasn't exactly planning on well … this.

And yet he didn't protest. There was something about her that he found intoxicating, and the lips pressed against his was only one of several reasons.

His arms wrapped around her body and he crushed against him against her, returning Miahala's kiss. He forgot about almost everything else except for her scent, the warmth of her body, and the fire in his blood.

Sojin broke the kiss after a long moment as he raised one hand to her face. He traced the curves of her cheek, and brushed his lips against her eyelids.

“Miahala … we should probably …” he murmured before he kissed her again, hard and passionately. Before he knew it, Sojin was moving the pair of them backward and up against a nearby tree.