Let It Be [Closed]

[Andy]

His first day back at the Grey Tower since his short trip to Arafel - a week seemed to have passed in the blink of an eye and he wished he were still there. He was needed at the Grey Tower, it was what he had worked for and it was what he intended to do. Be a Gaidin, fight the Shadow, injustice and whatever else he was told that he was required for. He could no more permanently leave the place than he could cut off his own arm. His time in his homeland had taught him a painful lesson - he had two homes now. He smiled softly at that bittersweet thing as the whisking sound of his whetstone cut across the peaceful surroundings of the garden. "Damned thing will take me an age to sharpen at this rate" he muttered to himself after pausing once more and had looked down the blade's edge, finding it still not to his satisfaction. The casual observer would see him, or at least half of him, as he sat upon the bench just a short ways from the main pathway. His Fancloak cause some of him to seem to be invisible. A trick of course but he didn't make the rules. He more simple garb today, trousers and shirt with a studded jerkin over the top. He had planned to go to the Yards and set about some live weapon practise. That had been put paid to when he had realised his blade was duller than stone. Not to mention I haven't just sat and been me in the gardens for a while. Should probably go to the orphanage too soon. Kids probably have forgotten me by now he told himself, adding them to the list. Deep down, if he were truthful with himself, he'd admit that he had just had enough of fighting for a little while. The siege, his test, the raids and scourings. He would get the fire back in a few days perhaps but he needed a rest now and then and Arafel had been like learning more than a vacation. The whisking continued as he contemplated the blade and it's symbol - a bear and two crossed roses. As far as he knew the Farshera had no real emblem, unless you counted the crossed roses but then again roses were everywhere. They were the country's banner. Everyone liked the motif. He had asked Klarick and had not gotten an answer, just something about it being very old. Alrim assumed he had meant the symbol, the blade had probably been replaced a few times, the handle too just as likely. He shrugged to himself and kept up his sharpening for a little while longer before grunting at his work and testing the edge with his thumb. Satisfied he span it in his hand and wondered how long it had been since it had been cared for. He couldn't ever remembering his father having fought though he was sure he had been in the army in his youth. He sighed and slipped it back into its scabbard and leaned it against the bench, "Leave it Alrim, just...be" he closed his eyes and instead of trying for the ko'di as he had done so long ago he merely listened to the sounds of nature and let his body relax, slowly, bit by bit, falling into a deep stillness within.

[Andy]

I came like an old friend these days, easier than he could ever remember it ever having been, almost a rippling through him that seemed to transform the senses and thoughts. He had mocked the idea at first, even though he had heard of it before and when fighters got drunk the best ones always talked about it in one fashion or another. Now he knew it had probably saved his life on more than one occasion. A soft smile curled the corners of his lips as he remembered the meeting with Andraste in this very garden and when he had found the ko'di to be so difficult to achieve. I should probably try to meet her again one day, show her I'm not completely crazy the thought slunk through before vanishing. Concentrating in that distant way the ko'di required at first he could feel the changes within him even if he couldn't on a day to day basis. The practise had a way of forcing you to face up to who you were. You had to if you were to empty yourself enough to be fully immersed in the place. When he had first tried there had been quite a lot of anger, self-loathing and various other damaging parts to him. Over time they had receded but had been replaced. Mostly with sorrow. Klarick had been right, of course, it was something that was unlikely to go away. Instead he had to find a way of living with it. Joy beats sorrow, so they say. Wonder how you just find a pile of it he leaned back further, slipping sideways now to occupy the whole bench by laying down, ankles crossed and hands behind his head. The most startling part about this new life he was trying to carve out, he admitted to himself, was that he accepted it. He had always had one foot in and one out, even after the fateful day. It was his nature, or had been his nature. Never commit, always be flexible, leave an escape route just in case. Looking back it was why he had made such a mess of things. He could have been an excellent thief if he had bothered to excel. Could have done many things if he hadn't held back. Not that he wished for a different life, the one he had was more interesting by far, if more trying. But it was an acknowledgement of how far he had come since then. He sighed and relaxed further, listening to the wind rustle the leaves and the soft chatter from somewhere nearby. In a funny way, he knew, being at one with everything was something he had had learn or he would never have made the right choices. It was easier to open a gate in a siege, for example, if it was saving a part of yourself. In that case a brother he had never had and probably a stronger tie than his own blood. It was more than that though, he knew, the Tower was part of him now. He was part of it. He had committed without really realising it. "Funny, never did think it'd happen" he muttered to himself as his breathing deepened and he fancied he could hear the water trickling off to his right.

[Andy]

I wonder what I should do now. I remember being asked what I'd do, by Liaran and others. Didn't take them seriously then, but now...where do you go when you get to the end? he mused to himself to the sounds of nature. There was a truth to the questions though, was he really at an ending or another beginning? Probably both, he reasoned. Still it was difficult to figure out what he should do with himself. He knew that Gaidin who held no Bond were used for travelling, teaching and other missions but was that a life? It was an existence, certainly, but it seemed as if it were merely keeping busy until something happened rather than a vocation. He wasn't looking down upon those who were happy with that, it took all sorts to build a Tower but the real question was whether he was happy with it. He thought upon it for a long while, time slipping away at unknown speed around him. "No, it's nice but not...I don't know...focused enough" he told himself softly. He fancied it would keep him going for a time though, certainly until those he knew most had achieved their own Fancloaks. He had a mind to try to chivvy Paks along at least, she was better than him in many ways but just didn't know it. Of that he was sure, as sure as he was that she deserved to get that far. He supposed he could take up a more regimented teaching pattern, perhaps for the sword and basic physical exercise. Adventures were also appealing, of course, especially if he learned new things and they helped him to improve himself at being Gaidin. He did like making friends but even so he most enjoyed spending time with existing friends. Then there is the Shadow he told himself, the Void rippling violently enough that it almost vanished, his eyes opening and looking now at the sky. He owed it a substantial amount of destruction, that much he knew beyond doubt. The question was how to achieve that. Perhaps it could be one cause that he could take up, if he could figure out how to. One man couldn't beat Fists no matter how good they were. Perhaps he could try to root out Darkfriends, or try a better form of this...inquisition...idea that Ravak had had. One that was a bit more subtle and less of closing the gates. He had also toyed with the idea of whether it was possible to form some sort of group to get the dirty jobs done. He had been at the Tower less time than most but he had experienced two assaults against his home. Such things required a response. A response that was in kind. He sighed again and let the ko'di go, feeling a little lesser for its passing. "But what response? And how does that fit with me?" he wondered aloud.

[Andy]

Then again, he reasoned, he had gotten where he was by following others. Even if he had complained about it at the time. He was aware that there was a vague sense that he had done some things off of his own back and he had survived trials and battles under his own steam, or at least partially. Still he found himself unsure of what choices to make and where to go, what to try first. If anything. He felt like me were at the edge of a deep plunge and he couldn't decide what to do about it. This was different than not committing. Whatever he chose would have consequences, however small or unforeseen. Perhaps not just for him. Maybe I should let it go for a time...see what happens? Might have something hit me in the face and force me he told himself seriously. He was new to the rank and aware that he wouldn't exactly be listened to if he tried to change things in any way. It seemed that the older or the larger your name and achievements were the more credence your opinion was given. Politics, in short, was just as alive in the Warder Yards as the Ajah Halls. He supposed, in his own way, he had formed bonds with people who may help him one day. Even if he hadn't really seen it like that when doing so. Tia he had helped, Ria he had fought beside, Fiona had trusted him with her past, Olin he had tried to get out of his shell...perhaps carrying on with what he was doing would lead to something no matter what he did. "Always was good at getting into trouble, whether I wished to or not" he reflected with a grin. Besides, he had learned over the months that great things took time to make apparent. He hadn't exactly walked into the Yards and been given the rank Gaidin. He still had to perfect his weapon skills too, not to mention he had a few ideas on how to polish up some of his other skills too. If he was going to be both a weapon and a shield, and perhaps other things too, then he'd have to be the best he could be. He always thought it was best to fail trying to do something grand than to fade into the background as nothing. It was usually more fun. Perhaps then, for now, I will just let it be He closed his eyes once more and listened, verging on the edge of slumber. He had heard rumours of a certain event being planned and he wasn't going to miss it. Serious things could wait until after. It might even lead to something interesting happening too, he reasoned. Nothing was normal these days.