The Art of Breathing [Attn: Jaryd Kosari Asha'man]

[Bella]

He wasn't the first one to offer such sympathies to her, but there was something...else in it, in him, that caught her by surprise.

Andraste stared unblinking at his outstretched hand for several moments, unsure of what to do with it. She didn't view it like something about to bite her, but like something she was earnestly perplexed by. Finally, biting her own lip, she did put her hand in his for the briefest of moments. Just as if to say she understood the gesture, and it wasn't unappreciated.

When she took her hand back, she spoke again. She did not, however, answer his question. Something about the look in his eyes reminded her of her own, and she wanted him to understand.

"It was not just him," she said. "I had a lover. We...had a lover. We were a team, all together." She smiled, and it was sincere, but fully tinged with sorrow. Something about the night and the dark just made one...painfully earnest, didn't it. "We three were wholly devoted to each other, us taking on the world. Together. We all loved one another, in our own ways.

"And she was killed at the same time as he. They were both murdered, right before my eyes." The smile, sorrow and all, fell away into the broken expression of grief that the night only partially concealed. "Yes. Grieving is a heavy burden. It sits on your chest with the weight of a horse until you're sure you'll be crushed beneath it."

You don't know this man. Shut up! Yet it had already been said, and what could he do? It wasn't like her tale wasn't already known, two Aes Sedai had found her in the midst of living it. Still, she did stop then and looked down at her hands. So small, so frail, in the moonlight. Hands that could do nothing to save her beloveds...

[Sunny]

Murdered, right before my eyes. Murdered…his vision swam in a sea of red. Red lace, red silk, red lips, red blood. The world spun in circles and withdrew on itself, only to spread outward magnified tenfold. Jaryd knelt on hard marble, his finger buried in ink-black hair as he pleaded with Kaia to open her eyes. I don’t want to go… Alto tones of regret and confusion rang low and ragged in the back of his mind. Please Kaia, please come back. Around and around the world went. He threw a teacup in rage….or Zeen did? His vision splintered into a thousand colorful segments as he fought to make sense of what was happening, the splinters falling down the wall as the porcelain once had-

Cool night air brought him back to the present, and he realized he had curled his fingers into the dirt. How long had the vision had him in its grip? He glanced at the novice and saw only quiet contemplation; looked up at the moon and with a sigh of relief realized it had not shifted. Not long, then. He had lost entire days to his grief in the past, and thus returning from such waking nightmares came with some trepidation. He was grateful not to have inflicted such an episode on a stranger with just as much to mourn as he. Perhaps more.

“It was hard enough to bear the death of my one love,” Jaryd said quietly. “To lose two at once would be beyond bearing...and then to be brought here in the wake of that tragedy? I wonder that you sleep at all, no matter the location.” He scrubbed at his face, looking for words. “Do you wish to talk about them?” he asked finally. “I would be honored to listen. Or would you prefer if I left you alone? I do not want to cause you more pain than I already have. No matter your choice, I will speak of this to no one.”

[Bella]

As she watched and listened, Andra wondered if he wasn't just as upset by her story as she was... She knew, from what he said and what she could see, that he found kinship between their tales; similarities that spoke to each other on a level beyond their words. Although her heart broke for anyone to experience what she had, she appreciated that understanding.

I wonder how I sleep too, she thought idly, looking down at the ground beneath her white shift-covered knees. There was a blade of grass that she reached out and took up, pressing between her fingers.

"I appreciate that," she finally said, after those long thoughtful moments. "You have not caused me pain, for the pain was already there. None can cause what already exists." She paused and tilted her head, loose strands of hair falling against her cheek. "Although I suppose you already understand just what I mean."

She nodded, almost to herself. "I do not wish to be left alone, sir." The term was less about protocol and more about respect and mutual understanding. "I..." She paused. "I do not know if I wish to speak of them, though. Not in depth. Perhaps we can speak of other things, however?"

[Sunny]

For a moment surprised silence claimed the Gardens. Jaryd had not expected Andraste to ask him to stay, let alone use a term of respect in doing so. Although the rules stated he outranked her, he did not feel he had done anything to earn the esteem that one word granted him. And yet...she had granted it. “That I can do,” he said finally. Self-conscious and abruptly feeling rather awkward, he ran long fingers through his hair and reached for words.

“I have been Asha’man for…quite a while now, though my face doesn’t show it,” he offered finally. She had shared a great deal about her intimate grief; if she wished to speak of other things, perhaps his experience could offer something less painful to discuss. “I am Red Ajah now, but I was a thief and a gang leader before I came here. I imagine that your family would have found the youthful version of myself quite a nuisance, really.” His chuckle was low and genuinely amused.

“I had actually just come back from exploring our city’s rooftops when I saw you sleeping,” he admitted. “I don’t frequently see many about at this time of night, and I was…..curious.” And lonely. But that part he did not share.

[Bella]

As she listened to him talk, about something other than the pain they shared, she found herself begin to relax a little. Thinking of the past, of that which had caused her such grief, always made her feel...tight inside, like she was a strung wire about to snap. Now that they were moving away from that topic, the wire began to slacken.

"I suppose I made for a curious sight," she admitted with a small, rueful smile. "I don't imagine there are many Novices, just in their shifts, who fall asleep at the base of these beautiful trees." Although the shifts given to the Novices were fairly close to full dresses themselves, she thought, but then she had grown used to sleeping in...far less.

After a moment, she added, "Although I think more of them should try it. These gardens are indeed beautiful, and the tree can be surprisingly comfortable."

She brushed a few stranded of dark hair behind her ears. "I cannot say, however, that I have spent much time on rooftops. I imagine you're right about how my family would view your younger self." It was...intriguing to think of an Asha'man coming from a past like that, but it seemed like there were all kinds here. "As a merchant, I typically found my craft best made right here on the ground."

[Sunny]

As the conversation turned to lighter topics Jaryd found himself relaxing more, the harsh memories that had disturbed his night -and hers- fading a little.. For a time he wasn’t an Asha’man, and she wasn’t a novice, and neither their abilities nor their grief mattered. They were simply two people getting to one another. Their similarities gave them common ground; their differences kept the conversation going with ease.

Eventually a light wind rose and reminded them of the time. Jaryd took his leave of the Kandori woman with a smile and the sincere hope they would speak again.