Liaran Sedai
"Explain yourself, Liaran Sedai," the Asha'man demanded. "How did this happen, and how was the woman you killed involved?" Nothing in his voice changed, but Liaran knew he had to have been surprised by what she'd just said. Her head lifted, but her eyes remained on the floor. She knew that if she looked up, and saw how many people were listening, she would not be able to speak of it. Unconsciously, the Aes Sedai pulled her shawl more tightly around herself, as if it could somehow protect her from the words she had to say, and the terrible memories that would accompany them.
When she began, her voice was quiet. "It happened when I left the Tower, responding to an inquiry the Tower had received about a possible wilder. I took one of our Gaidin with me, and everything seemed to be in order......but it was a trap." She deliberately left Haeden's name out of her account. He had nothing to do with her crime, and she did not want him associated with it in any way. "We were served tea, and I failed to recognize the forkroot in mine. When it.....took effect, the people I was there to meet were able to drag me from the room, and I saw more rush in to stop the Warder I'd brought from coming after me."
Liaran stopped to breathe before continuing. "They put me in a wagon, forced me to drink forkroot so that I couldn't move, and took me to the White Tower and left me in a cell. At first I was left alone, but after some time passed, the door opened, and that was the first time I saw her.....the woman I killed." She paused then, though she knew the Hall was waiting for her to speak, trying not to remember the darkness inside the cell where she'd been held. "She accused me of lying about being Aes Sedai, and though I told her that I came from the Grey Tower, that didn't matter. She told me I had two choices." A shiver ran through her, and Liaran couldn't stop it.
"She told me that because I could channel, I could choose to sign their novice book and enter the White Tower. If I did not, I would be severely punished for the lie they claimed I told. She....told me exactly what they would do to me, if I refused to sign." Liaran let herself look at Haeden then, but not for long, reminding herself that at least one person in the room would not be shocked by what she had to say next. She wasn't quite sure why his presence helped her keep speaking, but it did.
It was hard for her to continue, and her voice dropped to a near whisper. Liaran knew her words would be carried to the furthest corners of the Hall by the weaves that could amplify her voice, and she wished she could hide herself somewhere. It felt to her as if she stood before them all, ripping open wounds that had hardly begun to heal. "When they came for my decision, I refused to sign, and they bound me and took me out to a courtyard where I saw eleven Aes Sedai standing around a large wooden triangle, and beside that was the woman...the one I killed, holding a whip."
She could still remember it clearly, and Liaran briefly closed her eyes, then opened them again, struggling with the memory. "They tied me to this....triangle...and she beat me until I could barely walk. And.......when it ended....she, the woman I killed, she.....gathered the other twelve in a circle.....she led the circle, and they....." Liaran's voice faltered then, reluctant to think or say the word for what they'd done to her, though she knew it had to be said. The memories surged forward again within her, of hanging there, watching the shield advance on her, and the tearing agony she'd felt when it hit, something Liaran knew she would never forget, even if the Hall had mercy on her and allowed her to live.
The Aes Sedai took a deep breath and somehow made herself say it, slightly surprised she didn't choke on her own words.
"They stilled me."
She wasn't quite done speaking yet, but for the moment, words failed her.