Haunted Aftermath [Attn: Jaryd]

[Roan]

Tia Tomosan

Tia watched as Jaryd seemed to struggle for words before finally finding his voice again. She didn’t know how he came to be held captive by the Seanchan until that moment. Furrowing her brows in concern as she listened, she ran her thumb along his fingers. Knowing Jaryd as she did, Tia understood his hesitation, but she held no malice towards him in his decision. In perhaps the darkest moment of her imprisonment, he spoke to her in the Old Tongue and gave her a spark of hope she needed. That one simple spark encouraged her to not back down. . .not become their lapdog. The moment was forever etched in Tia’s memories, and one reason she was forever grateful for the man before her.

Before answering his question, she gently placed her other hand on his knee, and spoke just above a whisper, “It may not have been the appropriate choice for M’Hael, but it was the right choice for you. I do not fault you in your decision, Jaryd. I am not sure what choice I would make if I were put in a similar situation.

“I know the Tower should come first, but those we care about. . .sometimes they are our unspoken priorities. We all made it out alive. . .a little worse for wear, but alive and perhaps a bit smarter for it,” Tia finished giving him a warm smile. “As for me, I am as well as can be in this moment. Being here, with you and the heady smell of the incense in your chambers is enough to help me relax. Though, a cup of tea would not be amiss,” she added with a warm smile.

[Sunny]

Jaryd

The confusing barrage of ideas and images that constantly flooded Jaryd’s mind tended to quiet a little in Tia’s presence, though he hadn’t realized it until that moment. He stared at her hand on his knee, hesitating only a moment before relaxing completely, dark eyes turning back up to hers. “You have no idea how that has weighed on me all this time,” he whispered, lifting their joined hands to kiss her knuckles before adding, “I feared your judgment more than I care to contemplate.”

He grinned as he released her hand, long fingers flicking out to direct flows of the One Power to the tea tray that rested on a sideboard across the room. Fire curled through the teapot to heat the water within while Air pulled the entire thing toward them, settling on the low table in front of them. “You like the smell of my chambers, do you?” He asked teasingly as he leaned forward. He could pour tea with saidin, but there was something satisfying and personal about doing it with his hands.

“Did you know when Kaia came to the Tower my chambers contained only a bed, a table, a bureau, and a giant map of the Westlands? She was utterly appalled.” The memory held no pain; his eyes danced with amusement as he thought about his former lover’s reaction to his living conditions. “She taught me to appreciate beauty again. I have always found joy in such things, but somewhere along the line I let duty get in the way and...well. No matter. I try to honor her memory by living fully, now.”

He turned to pass the faintly steaming cup to the Saldaean, then settled back against the couch with his own balanced on an upraised knee. “I hope you don’t fret and worry over what happened in the city,” he said seriously, his mind turning back to her reason for visiting. “Everything I said earlier is true, and will remain so.”

[Roan]

Tia Tomosan

He feared her judgment? Tia found herself feeling more than a little surprised at his admission, and perplexed as to why he’d fear she’d think less of him. Yes, they were Aes Sedai and Asha’man, but they were also human. Sometimes those a person cares about come before duty, no matter how honor-bound a person might be. Tia doubted she could put the Tower before her family, or before Jaryd, for that matter. She would put her life on the line for any of them, without question, and without hesitation.

Looking around his chambers, Tia shook her head, “I can’t imagine your chambers being so sparse. I certainly can’t imagine them without the scent I think I shall forever associate with you going forward.” She gave him a wry smile as she took a tentative sip of tea, testing its temperature, “You honor her memory well these days. . .from what I can see, at any rate.”

The events from earlier in the evening were anything but forgotten, though the Green found herself much more at ease than she had been when she first knocked on Jaryd’s door. Not all that much time had passed, but the man had a way about him that put her at ease. Perhaps it was a mix of the incense and his calming color scheme?

Giving a noncommittal shrug, Tia replied, “I will be fine, I’m sure.” She didn’t feel sure, “It is just. . .the realization of the responsibilities that come with the Shawl. Killing the beasts that serve the Shadow are one thing, but killing another human being is something altogether different. Given where I come from. . .who my kin are, it should not come as the surprise it has, but I don’t think I contemplated killing another human being before tonight. Naive as it sounds, when I’ve thought of the Shadow, I think of the beasts, and in their own way, the men and women who serve the Shadow are not any better than the beasts.”

Pausing to take another sip of tea, Tia met Jaryd’s dark gaze, “I give you my word, I won’t dwell on the events of the evening, but I do need to think them over, and reevaluate my. . .world view, for lack of a better phrase.” She set her cup down, “Tell me about your evening to help distract me from the various thoughts running through my mind. I heard the ball was interesting in its own right?”

[Sunny]

Jaryd is 13 again, oh my

Jaryd listened as Tia spoke, his attention fully on her and the tea forgotten where it sat. When she paused to sip at her own drink he remembered the cup and lifted it to his lips- only to exhale sharply at her question and send hot liquid from his lips in a comedic spray. He hastily leaned forward and put the cup back on the tray.

Just like that, the Void shattered and the events of the evening came flooding back. The quantity of wine he had consumed in the hours leading up to the ball. His meeting with Miahala - Light, Tia was her direct descendent! - and the burgeoning friendship he had discovered there. Dancing with dignitaries to please the Amyrlin, taking a break to drink again, seeing Jaren and Tris. Dancing, then the chandelier and...more. His cheeks burned dark despite his best efforts and the Altaran buried his eyes against his knees, one arm pulled up to hide his face entirely.

“You’ll hear about it soon enough, I’m sure,” Jaryd mumbled through layers of skin and clothing. After a long, waiting silence he collected himself enough to straighten. His fingers drew circles on his breeches as he looked for words. “Ji’val Seira is dead. The Shadow killed her and used her body to acquire the Tower’s undivided attention, so to speak. There was a ter’angreal that caused everyone in attendance to be...impaired. Laughing, happy...I could barely remember my own name, and from what I remember, everyone was in a similar state.”

The Asha’man took a breath, his eyes sliding toward Tia without moving his head. “I kissed a soldier,” he said. “Or we kissed each other, I suppose. It happened a few times and- and-” he sought for words, then sighed, changing tact mid-sentence. “It wasn’t just any soldier...it was Jaren.” Jaryd didn’t know if Tia had met the Andoran, but Jaryd had shared plenty of stories about their training sessions together. She certainly knew he had developed a personal interest in his student’s success. Just how personal, he hoped he had managed to keep to himself...not that it mattered anymore.

“He- I felt…” The dark man trailed off, fingers rising to his lips in memory. Unknown to him his mingled joy and confusion stood stark on his face, his vulnerability apparent to even the most non-discerning eye.

[Roan]

Tia Tomosan

The initial reaction from Jaryd at her question was most unexpected. Tia gave him a puzzled look as he hid his face from her. Those outside the privacy of the chambers she was in would not know the head of the Red could be embarassed, but why else would he have reacted as he did? Must have been some ball!

Reasons became clear as Jaryd finally pulled himself together to give a condensed version of the night’s events. An extraneous thought of her Great Memma being impaired threatened to distract her, but she pushed the thought away when Jaryd admitted he and Jaren kissed.

Jaren. . .the Soldier Jaryd spoke of so often, and of their training sessions. The same Jaren who caused Jaryd’s eyes to light up ever so slightly when he spoke of the man. . .

“You are in love with him.” The words were out of her mouth before she realized it, and spoken at just above a whisper. She felt a twinge within her own being, uncertain of what it was or what it meant, but realized the night’s events would change everything.

Tia offered Jaryd a small smile as she took one of his hands in hers, “Leave it to you, Jaryd Asha’man, Master of Soldiers, to fall in love with one of your Soldiers.” She turned his hand over and kissed the inside of his wrist before letting go. “I’m not sure you could have picked a more complicated scenario,” she said with a small smile. If it had been a temporary thing because of the ter’angreal , Jaryd wouldn’t look as uncertain and unsure of himself as he did in that moment. The thing may have helped put both his and the Soldier’s inhibitions aside, but the undercurrent of emotions must have already been there.

[Sunny]

Tia’s words rebounded in the Red’s skull and with each echo the world about him seemed to slow even more, until he thought he could pluck the individual syllables from the air. Perhaps if he stretched them between his hands and examined them from another angle they would begin to make sense.

In love? What did that even mean? How could he be in love with anyone, let alone a fair-haired soldier? Love had been taken from him and had no place in his life. Love was a woman sitting by his bedside for days on end while he fought a battle inside his head. It was a warm day on a rooftop in Ebou Dar. It was vows taken-

I would sell my soul to go back to dancing with him for five bloody minutes. That thought cut through his self-castigating remembrance and swept the memories away as if they had never been. He thought his heart might pound right out of his chest.

“Blood and bloody ashes,” Jaryd muttered. His eyes fell on his teacup and he snorted softly. The tepid liquid there could not hope to calm the storm building inside. Air yanked a bottle and cup from their resting place near his window, the dark liquid pouring into the glass before it flew across the room. He held his hand up and caught it without looking, uncaring of the wine that splashed over his fingers.

The Altaran took a drink, made a face, then drank again. Warmth washed through him and he felt the tension in his spine begin to loosen moments later. He leaned back against the couch and turned to look at Tia. “I don’t think I have been this unsettled since my first day at the Black Tower,” he said mildly. She did not seem inclined to accept the change in subject.

“I don’t know what I feel,” he said finally. Mostly true. “Does it matter? Jaren is a soldier and my student.” And as different from anyone he had cared about before as it was possible to be. “As you said- complicated. Beyond complicated. If not for the fact that the Amyrlin caught us and ordered me to give him penance for what we did, I would leave the Tower.” Tense anger boiled beneath the surface of his voice. “Horrible woman.”

The Asha’man drained the glass, then looked from it to the bottle and back to Tia. “Care to join me? You came here for counsel after a long day and difficult decisions and here I am spilling my guts." His voice softened. "It wasn’t easy for you to hear that, was it?”

[Roan]

Tia Tomosan

Tia offered Jaryd a small smile and nodded as he offered her a glass of wine. After the experiences of the evening, she felt something more than tea was in order. “I came here to be with you, Jaryd, to find comfort, and comfort goes both ways. Nothing says I have to compromise the full extend of the conversation.”

A glass of wine floated to her, and she took the glass in one hand as she looked down, a small, wry smile on her lips. She shook her head slightly, “Easy to hear? No. . .no it wasn’t.” She paused to take a sip of her wine and looked back to the Asha’man, “I’ve known Jaren is important to you for some time. Jaryd, you don’t take such special interest in all of the Soldiers in your charge...not to the degree you have with him.

“To know you love him. . .in love with him? To be honest, it shouldn’t bother me since we’ve not made any commitment to each other, but it. . .” Tia paused and let go a heavy sigh.

It stings, but the way your eyes light up?

Looking back to Jaryd with a small smile, she pushed the thought aside, “Jaryd. . .you deserve happiness. Jaren does that for you and you should not deny yourself. Perhaps you can’t act on it right now, but if the feelings are as deep as I suspect they are. . .pursue it. Pursue him. You deserve each other.” She took another sip of her wine to keep herself from rambling, and swallowed down the knot she felt at the back of her throat.

[Sunny]

Jaryd

Warmth suffused Jaryd’s body as he sipped at his second glass of wine. How much of the sour stuff had he consumed that day, anyway? He had been well into his second bottle when he met Miahala in the kitchen, and certainly had not slowed after. If not for the ter’angreal he would have been lucky to suffer a simple hangover. The liquid in your belly is not important, Jaryd.

No...his priority at that moment was Tia. The Green’s face remained still and distant as she spoke, but the Altaran had spent too much time with her to be fooled by an Aes Sedai trick. She’s breaking inside. Light, I did this. So observant am I, yet I miss what’s right beneath my nose. They had agreed no lasting ties. No more than friends who occasionally shared a bed. She had agreed and he had thought no more on the matter…more fool he. Feelings change!

He peered into his cup thoughtfully. “I should have realized things had changed, you know. I should have paid better attention, asked more questions. Been….more respectful. It would have been the right thing to do, but I was so convinced everything was perfect, I couldn’t see the truth.”

“Jaryd, what in the Light are you talking about?”

He looked up at the Saldaean with a wry smile. “Perhaps I do deserve happiness, Tia, but you deserve it as well. You deserve something real and true, shared with someone who returns your love. I do care for you, you know. Very deeply, in fact, but it’s not quite...” He trailed off, a sick feeling in his stomach telling him exactly how badly he had erred.

“I am sorry, Tia. Light, I’m sorry.”

[Roan]

Tia Tomosan

Tia looked into her wine glass, staring at the dark liquid as she didn’t trust herself to meet Jaryd’s gaze. Shaking her head ever so slightly, Tia replied, though her voice was just barely above a whisper, “You are sorry for something you had no control over, and I am sorry too.” She closed her eyes for a moment as she heaved a sigh, “We made no commitment to each other, Jaryd. You were and are free to do as you will.

“My feelings. . .my feelings are my responsibility to manage,” she said, glancing at him for a brief moment. She gave a half shrug, “As much as you think you should have done more, paid more attention, you weren’t the only one involved in ‘us,’ such as it were,” she replied as a weight seemed to settle on her chest.

Novices and Accepted used to talk about falling in love, but the concept of falling head over heals for a person always seemed foreign to Tia. She couldn’t say she was head over heals for Jaryd, but somewhere along the way, she had fallen in love with him, or thought she had, and had never given voice to those emotions.

Now? Jaryd had fallen in love with someone else. Her heart pounded so hard she thought she could hear it. The wine in her glass sloshed slightly as her hand trembled. Why was she shaking? The Aes Sedai downed the rest of her glass and set it aside.

“I. . .I should go,” Tia said as she pushed herself from his couch. She forced herself to meet his gaze and gave him a weak smile, “You have nothing to be sorry for, Jaryd. You’ve shown me so many amazing things, and been a pillar of support. I’ll always be grateful to you for. . .everything.” She headed for the door, then looked back to him, “Don’t let Ninya Sedai bully you about Jaren too much, Jaryd. She’s wound so tight, I’m surprised she hasn’t sprung.”

[Sunny]

Jaryd

A door closed somewhere inside of Jaryd’s mind as Tia spoke of the Amyrlin and the odd feeling held him in place long enough for his lover to cross the room. What happened? It did not seem to have anything to do with Tia, at least not directly. The Red set his glass aside and followed her on nimble feet. Please stop.

She had just put her hand on the latch when he caught up, his arm shooting out to keep the door from opening. She turned to look at him, hurt and confusion painted across her face, and he withdrew his hand. He held them both up for her to see and took a step back. “Please stay,” he said. If she truly wanted to go, he wouldn’t stop her, but…. Just five minutes. Light, just a breath.

How many had suffered for his blind loyalty to the Tower and what it stood for? How many times could he set aside the good of those who mattered for the good of those who did not care about the sacrifices he made? No more. No, it hadn’t been a closed door. It had been a cataclysmic explosion- and now the Altaran stood at the threshold of a way of life that both terrified him and could not be denied.

He could not stop what would happen to Jaren, but this...this, maybe, he could.

“Ninya can try to do whatever she bloody well pleases,” he said. Then the rest of his scattered, uncontrollable thoughts spilled out of his mouth. “I serve the Creator first, Tower second, and she’s lost me for good. Wait- none of that matters right now. I admit I don’t feel the same fire that I do for Jaren. I know it’s not the same, it’s not what you want….but you are important to me. So terribly important.” He met her eyes, not quite daring to touch her. “I would trust my soul to you if I had the freedom to give it and I never thought I would feel that way again.”

The words hung in the air. I just said I would let her bond me. Light in heaven. Despite his impending panic, Jaryd knew he had spoken the truth.