Like Father...

[Craig]

Kaira

Kaira sat up straight, hands gripping onto the arms of the chair. Looking after children was easy; she'd helped out with Corinthea and Tomas in the past. It was the first bit that really stung her. How will I ever learn without any lessons! Miahala didn't have to throw her out of the Tower to stop her becoming Aes Sedai; she could just wait until she died of entropy, or washed out like other novices.

She closed her eyes, trying to drown out the negativity swirling around in her head. There were things to be grateful for. She wasn't being thrown out of the Tower and she only had to look after children for a month assuming all went well. There would still be time to learn more about the One Power before she struggled to channel...

Fingernails sunk into the side of her head. I'm going to be a mother! How was she going to tend to a child and learn? It was impossible. This is why there's rules against relationships. How had she thought she could ignore the rules and get away with it. It's not like this was the first time she'd landed herself in trouble. It was just before, there had never been any permanent consequences.

Eventually Kaira removed the nails from her scalp and opened her eyes. The Mistress of Novices was still casting an unsettling glare her way. Kaira hated it even as she knew how much she deserved it. She looked down at the floor, trying to imagine she was anywhere else but in this office. She had never allowed Mia to be a stepmother to her, but just remembering that drew forth a little comfort.

"What do I do?" Kaira asked, her voice pained and remorseful. "You've been here forever. What happened to all the other Novices in my condition?"

[Bella]

The tone of Kaira's voice softened Mia just a bit, although she had not truly felt hardened towards the girl and her predicament. The tone was enough to not earn any chastisement for that "you've been here forever" comment, especially since...well...it was pretty much true.

She thought back over the years, over the decades. She recalled a few girls in her situation, although she had spent much of her fully-raised life out of the Tower so she only knew so much about all of them. Some had been when she was a Novice and Accepted, and some during her previous times as Mistress of Novices. She thought back and recalled them. Many of them had been defiant, or bitter, or sad...or all three.

"Some chose to run away," she replied honestly, "while others stayed, took their punishments. Although it is a grave rule to break, none were ever expelled under my watch. For those who stayed, most chose to give their babies up for the adoption by others in the Tower. Some had their children sent to the families they had left behind. I'm afraid none were allowed to keep and raise the child, not if they wished to remain and continue their training."

Her eyes were sympathetic, but firm. A Novice could not raise an infant, and that was that. She had no idea if Kaira even wished to do so. Although Kaira had one option that none of the others who'd been in her shoes had: family in the Tower itself. Mia was not going to point that out just now, however. She wanted the girl to truly think it all through, including the consequences of these actions.

[Craig]

Kaira

The hair rose on the back on her neck when Miahala laid out the possibilities for her future. Both were appalling.

Leaving the Grey Tower meant leaving behind everything and everyone she had ever known. She was quite literally a child of the Grey Tower, born of an Aes Sedai and a Gaidin. Even if she wasn't allowed to remain as a novice, she should have still been welcome to live in the Tower. Kaira knew that wasn't the case, that the dispensation given to children no longer applied to her.

Remaining meant giving up her child. That was unconscionable. She knew first-hand what it was like to grow up without knowing a parent. Kaira wouldn't willingly pass that curse onto her child, no matter the cost. That would finally prove to everyone that she was just as devoid of empathy as her mother.

Kaira scrubbed at her face, rubbing tears from her eyes. Everything was crashing down around her and there was no painless way out.

"I can't," she mumbled into her hands.

[Bella]

Now, was Miahala a mother (even if removed a step, to a girl who had never wanted to consider looking at her as such) or as the Mistress of Novices? It was a high-wire act that Mia was forced to walk, and certainly hadn't anticipated for her first days back in this office.

Never a dull moment, she reflected as she looked at Kaira with sympathy. Miahala had waited until she was an Aes Sedai to begin a family...or even to do the things that could lead to having a family. You were apparently too well-behaved. It was, of course, particularly odd to think that far back in her life. Although she was grateful she even could.

"Kaira," she said, this time gently as the Mother won. To a degree. "These are your choices. If you left the Grey Tower, you could remain in Hama Valon. The confines of the city would not be forbidden to you. But you cannot be a Novice and raise a child at the same time. No matter our relation or my sympathies, it cannot be done.

"But..." She paused and took a deep breath. "Recall I said one option was to give up the child to family. You have family in the Tower itself."

[Craig]

Kaira

"No..." she bemoaned into her palms. Even Miahala's latter suggestion wasn't a solution. It still meant giving up her child for someone else to raise. That was possibly even worse than leaving them up for adoption.

It's not fair! I made one mistake, one mistake! This can't be happening. Why is this happening? I don't deserve this.

Kaira folded inwards, her forehead practically pressing against her knees. The palms of her hands were slick with tears as she sobbed uncontrollably.

I don't even want to be a mother. I'm too young. I just want to be a novice. I just want to go back to being a novice.

[Bella]

Miahala rose from her seat and moved around the desk to sit beside Kaira. She gently put a hand on her shoulder, both mother and mistress now. It was an untenable position the girl now found herself in, but Miahala was not so affected by the tears as to forget that Kaira brought this on herself. Her defiance was reaping consequences now.

"Take today," she said gently, "and rest. Emotional strain can be a hazard to the child. Tomorrow, your lessons will cease for the upcoming month and you'll begin your time in the orphanage's nursery. You have some time to consider your options before a choice must be made, but you will eventually have to decide."

[Craig]

Kaira

Kaira eventually straightened in the chair. Her face was red with wet tracks running from her eyes all across her cheeks. There were damp patches on her dress from where she'd accidentally brushed her palms. All in all she looked a terrible sight, but she felt a lot worse.

She could only nod at Miahala's words. An attempt to speak would have certainly brought on more wracking sobs. Any acknowledgment of her situation, no matter how minor, threatened to set her off again.

Kaira rose, numbly walking to the door and twisting the handle. She only barely remembered to close it behind her. When the latch clicked shut, she began to cry again. The tears didn't stop until after she'd returned to her room and crawled into bed.

[Bella]

Miahala left her office early that day. After Kaira left, she'd finished up what she'd needed to and then made a beeline for her quarters.

Between her own feelings after this meeting with her stepdaughter and what was coming over the bond, she knew that she was not going to be able to focus. Fortunately, appointments were not yet overflowing for her new position since she was so newly returned to it. Even if they were, however, she would have rearranged.

There were always priorities in life.

She reached the doors to the Sha'hal-Darrow family quarters and took a deep breath before walking in.

It didn't take more than a heartbeat to find her husband, sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of Iain's nursery with the little boy asleep in his arms. She smiled gently, stifling a sigh, and stepped inside. "Quite the day, my love," she said softly. She knew he would know what she was talking about.

She began unbuttoning the top of her dress, not in any teasing or seductive way but just enough so she could breathe. She chose to wear high necked gowns in public since she didn't like the ugly scar on her chest being visibly, but it was different around Ravak. She loosened her collar while she gazed on her boys. "Kaira came to see me."

[Craig]

Ravak

Ravak acknowledged the presence of his wife with little more than a smile. His fury had given away to a sickening hole in his chest. He was caught up with his own grief at attacking his daughter. She needed him, and instead he flew off into a rage. She was right about treating her like a child. He hadn't apologised, and knowing both himself and his daughter, it was probably too late to do so.

He leaned back, blinking rapidly whilst staring at the ceiling. He let out a few long, deep sighs before setting his heels on the ground and looking to Mia. "How was she, and..." He sighed again. "Sorry. This shouldn't have been your issue to deal with."

[Bella]

"Then whose issue should it have been?" she asked gently, crossing the small space between them. "Even had it not been mine as the Mistress of Novices, it would have been mine as your wife. I do not begrudge you, or anyone, that." She gently scooped the sleeping child from his arms and set him in his crib. Then she took Ravak's hand and led him to their living room.

She set him on the couch and then sat on his lap, then wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "She is as one may guess. Upset, and scared. And she was not best pleased by the options I gave to her, though I assured her she will not be expelled from the Tower, as she had expected to be.

"Kaira will be spending the next month working solely in the orphanage nursery in Hama Valon," she further explained. Her voice softened here as she tilted her head to look into his eyes. "She is going to need her father. I know you're not happy with this happening, and I understand, but that must not stop you from supporting her. She is your child."