A Pre-Dawn Stroll (Open)

[Leala]

Torianin Sedai

With a sharp intake of breath, Torianin shot up from a dead sleep. Nightmares again. Not just nightmares, but she may as well be in the Three Arches, facing her fears again. In some dreams, she was leashed again. In others, the targets she dispatched in Far Madding rose up and lunged at her throat with their bloodied hands. In others, she would stand by and watch as faceless enemies attacked her Warders and her daughter. Tonight in her dreams, she stood by and watched as Abby learned the whole of what happened in Far Madding and left her. In this nightmare, her daughter would rather have lived on the streets than with her. That was nonsense, of course. She had told Abby what happened, bit by bit. Still bound to tell the truth to the girl, she also wanted to teach her a bit about being Aes Sedai.

It had been a while since she had come back. Her hair was nearly its usual color, and she wore her Great Serpent ring once again. Her red shawl had been a part of her shoulders everywhere she went after she left Far Madding. Saidar was back, and so was her identity. In waking hours, she was herself again, but in sleep... She thought she was getting past this, but perhaps she was going about it the wrong way.

Glancing out the window, Torianin saw that the moon had nearly sunken under the horizon again. Dawn would be coming soon. There was no sense in trying to get back to sleep now. She could feel that Erishar was still asleep through her bond with him. The pain from Dezan's severed one was still there, but she was becoming numb to it as time went on. The world was quiet.

With a sigh, she got out of her bed and began to dress. Her room felt stagnant right now. Even with the lavish furnishings and her personal things, she was having trouble breathing here. Now ready, she patted her skirts, as if dust would flow out of them. She nudged the silver belt in place and adjusted her ring. Taking a deep red cloak, she decided to take a stroll through the Tower Grounds.

The night air was cool, but not biting. The Grey Tower was peaceful. She slowly picked her way through the courtyards, a small spere of light hovering above her hand. Of course, after such a lengthy mission, she was glad to be back. She was glad to have her daughter with her, and she was glad that Erishar had survived. Her small family meant the world to her, which was part of the reason Dezan's death hurt as badly as it did. She hadn't known her second Warder for nearly as long as her first, but he was still her trusted Gaidin, until the very end.

Spoiler: show

(OOC: Open to anyone! Since it's close to dawn, if you're a Learning-Rank out past your curfew, she'll just make you talk with her.)

[Elan]

Mael Akashi

The Dream was the same for the past few nights now. He was standing in the courtyard, gazing up at the Grey Tower, luminous against the dark sky like a spear of Light. That much was familiar; that was the vision that had brought him there in the first place. The cracks appearing in the bright spire, however, were new, and it was those cracks and the darkness pouring forth from them that made him wake up in cold sweat, too unsettled to sleep again.

The meaning of the Dream seemed clear; the Shadow still held a foothold in the Grey Tower, the Black Ajah had not been driven out when Ninya Evoneigh fled. Neither was news to him — it would have been terribly arrogant to think that the Evoneigh woman had been the only one or maybe even the most important one — but Dreaming about a threat always made it feel more real and urgent somehow.

After a while of lying awake, staring into the silent darkness of his room, he got up and dressed. He didn’t generally do midnight strolls — for obvious reasons — but he couldn’t be still right now, and so it was that he found himself in the courtyard, gazing up at the Tower like he had in the Dream, almost expecting to see the cracks for real.

He stood still, leaning lightly on his cane and wrapped in silence, until he became aware of someone else in the courtyard. By the light of the sphere of saidar hovering near the newcomer, Mael could recognise her; an Aes Sedai of the Red Ajah, but recently returned to the Tower after a long absence, and so he’d never had the chance to properly meet her though they were of the same Ajah. Not wanting to startle her in case she hadn’t seen him in the shadows, he spoke softly, “A beautiful night, is it not?”

[Leala]

Torianin Soulane

Looking across the courtyards, Torianin lost herself in her thoughts. She very carefully did not touch the severed bond in the back of her mind. She clung to Erishar's for the time being. Her Shienaran Warder had always been a steadfast friend and ally. But, worry overtook her in that regard. If Dezan could be killed so easily, couldn't Erishar? What if she were stuck with two severed bonds? How would she take care of herself and still serve her Ajah? How could she take care of her daughter, for that matter? Light, woman, calm yourself. She did not know the future. Whatever came, she could handle it. She would just have to handle it when she finished grieving.

Torianin stiffened her tired back and opened herself more to Saidar when she heard a voice behind her. Turning around, she found an Asha'man that she vaguely remembered had joined the Red Ajah. There had been a few additions to the Red since she had left. Though her face did not express her surprise, she loosened her grip on Saidar. She felt disappointment in letting that power go for a flash of a moment. That disappointment showed itself stronger than usual after returning from Far Madding. "Yes, a beautiful night, Brother." Normally, she would have given him at the very least a polite smile, or even a friendly one, depending on her mood. But tonight, she was tired, and too much in her feelings, so her face remained the flat Aes Sedai mask.

After examining his face a bit more thoroughly, she still couldn't place a name to him. She knew they had never been introduced, formally. "Forgive me, Brother, but I was away when you joined the Red Ajah's ranks. My name is Torianin Soulane, might I ask yours?" She felt there should be more of a gentleness to her voice of late. She knew that was likely because she spoke to Abby than anyone else, but her mission in Far Madding had left her rougher than she had been. Erishar's bond twitched, almost as if she could feel him dreaming. She did not feel herself, and even that small twitch helped a bit.

[Elan]

Mael

Mael didn’t know this woman, this Torianin, but there was something about her that spoke of trauma endured, and while that was not uncommon among those of the Red Ajah, this seemed… fresh, for want of a better word. There were sharp, jagged edges beneath the Aes Sedai facade, as though something had been broken; Mael had seen it too many times to miss the signs.

“Mael Akashi,” he replied with a shallow bow. “Formerly of the Black Tower.” She was going to find that out sooner or later, anyway; he was enough of a novelty still that most people knew a version of his past and it wasn’t something he was in the habit of hiding. He glanced up at the Tower again, only a little reassured by the sight of it whole, undamaged. The darkness he’d Dreamt might not be visible in the waking world but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there.

He looked back at Torianin, hesitating a little. He had no reason to assume she wanted to talk, but she was out and about in the middle of the night, and unless it was on Ajah business, chances were she’d found sleep as uninviting this night as he. “…Forgive me, I didn’t mean to intrude. It’s just— one of those nights.” He managed a faint smile. “If you wish to be left alone…”

[Leala]

Torianin

A rather large part of her truly did wish to be alone, and she was silent for a moment. Torianin knew that Mael did not mean to intrude, and he wasn't intruding, really. The Red knew that she would need to dig her heels in at some point. Maybe talking to a new member of her Ajah would help. Talking about the situation with Abby, as little as they had already, had helped. It had helped with the guilt, but that welt of pain and grief in her mind was just as much of her as her hair. She knew it would not go away. "Yes..." she said, glancing toward the Grey Tower as well, the only place she had ever felt was her home in truth, "Yes, it is one of those nights. I would not mind a bit of conversation. Perhaps it would tire me again."

Torianin managed a smile for the Asha'man. "My Warder and my daughter are asleep, but dreams snatched me from mine," she admitted. She did not go into detail about them, though. They were really her guilt and her fears, to be honest. She did not walk in tel'aran'rhiod. "And, now I feel as though I should have been at the Grey Tower sooner." She shrugged, knowing there was nothing she could do about it. Children were safe now, a small nest of darkfriends put to justice. "If only to understand current events."

[Elan]

Mael

Daughter. She had a daughter. Mael looked at her again, trying to adjust the mental image he’d created of his fellow Red to include family. Of course, he reminded himself he didn’t know her, and though he kept thinking that the work of the Red Ajah and family life were incompatible, there was no reason others couldn’t succeed where he’d failed. Just look at Jaryd and Jaren; it seems to work for them well enough. Though of course that picture didn’t involve children.

He smiled, a little ruefully, at the thought as he picked up the conversation on something else she’d said. “The recent events are confusing even to those of us who were here,” he said. There was a faint note of disgust to his voice when he continued, “Feroce Liendin had his war and now the White Tower lies in ruins. Who does that benefit in the long run if not the Shadow?” Though of course he had to remember that he’d not spent any particular effort in trying to talk against the actions taken; he’d been too preoccupied with getting Jaren back. With Jaren’s life hanging in balance, it had mattered little whether the entire White Tower deserved to feel the retribution for the actions of the few. Mael wasn’t proud of that, and the fact that he wasn’t the only one who had lost all sense of proportion was scant comfort.

He shook his head slightly to banish the thought. “…That may have been unnecessarily harsh. I am certain the M’Hael took what action he felt necessary.”

[Leala]

Torianin

Torianin kept her face smooth so as not to betray the slight shock she felt from his tone, though her silence may have been enough. Light be upon me, I feel as jumpy as a novice on the inside. Though, perhaps not as jumpy as she had been as a novice. She calmed herself, and was glad that Erishar did not wake. Having been in the Red Ajah, she knew that Jaryd had played a hand in the fall of the White Tower, seeking to rescue a lover. But, Feroce Liendin was a name she had not heard many times before. She knew he was M'Hael now, and it seemed he had had an even stronger hand in the incident.

"I agree that the fall of this White Tower is...more than unfortunate, in the scheme of things. While I was damane, I had heard whispers of the White Tower before I was rescued and brought to the Grey. It was a symbol of hope, though flawed." It was what he had said about the Shadow that made her shift her thoughts, though. Maybe she should pay more attention to Feroce Liendin. If Ninya had been revealed to be a darkfriend, then who's to say anyone was safe from the Shadow?

"As for your harshness, I can understand. You were there for it. I sometimes find myself sounding a bit too harsh as of late." Though it was for different reasons, sometimes it seemed her emotions had been laid bare and raw for all her life, though it had only been a few weeks.

[Elan]

Mael

Again, Torianin spoke and revealed information Mael hadn’t been prepared for; he’d had no idea that Torianin had been collared. But there was little he could say to that; no Red would find comfort in empty words from someone who was practically a stranger, and from the sound of it, it was something that had been long ago.

“There are… other beacons of hope,” he said slowly. “Flawed, yes, but if one is able to find hope in them, then they’re good enough.” He still thought often of the Dream that had brought him to the Grey Tower; his beacon of hope had been a Tower of glass and a man in red. The latter was a little amusing to think about, now that he knew Jaryd, but that didn’t make it any less true. It was, he thought a little wistfully, actually quite fitting.

“You’ve been away from the Tower for a long time,” he continued, turning his thoughts from Jaryd to the Red next to him. “On Ajah business, yes?” He didn’t need to see her answering nod to know he was right. “It was… bad, wasn’t it?” Red Ajah business usually was. And he didn’t want to pry, but if she wanted to talk about it, to someone who wasn’t going to judge, he wanted to give her an opening to do so.

[Leala]

Torianin

A tight smile appeared on Torianin's face when Mael said there were other beacons of hope. She nodded at that. She was proud to be a part of this beacon of hope. For a long time, she been told that she had no hope, and then she and her twin had been hauled across the Aryth Ocean. A flash of a memory sprang up, when she had first heard the term "Aes Sedai." There was contempt and disgust behind it when sul'dam spoke it. They were really marath'damane, she had been told. She had begun to hear more whispers, that these women did not think themselves dangerous, that they had agency. That was when she had begun to privately think of herself as "Torianin," rather than "Ri."

"You are right," Torianin answered after a moment. "Hope is precious, and it comes in as many forms as there are people."

She blinked slowly when he asked about her absence. She nodded when he asked if it was for Ajah business. It was also a personal vendetta of hers, but she was also serving the justice of the Red Ajah in putting an end to Sueinne Keilar. Looking away from him, she considered how much she was ready to divulge to any but her daughter or her Warder. She would have to open up about it eventually. But, the place where she had held Dezan's bond still stung like an open wound. Taking in a deep breath to expel the tightness in her chest, she began.

"Yes, it was bad," she answered, folding her arms to square her shoulders. "I followed a target to Far Madding. My Warder is a Brother of the Red as well, and I bonded another in preparation for the mission. I...had never killed with my hands before... And, my second Warder..." The tightness returned and her eyes began to sting. Light, I am so sorry, Dezan... Blinking back her tears and clearing her throat, she finished her thought that likely didn't need finishing now. "My second Warder was killed in the fight. We were successful in rescuing innocents, though."