Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

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Welcome to the Warder Yards. This is the place for Warder and Trainee roleplays. Informal non-training interactions take place here, as well as some extended role plays. Yet these events may take place at any area of the Tower, and sometimes outside of it, since the images to the left merely serves as inspiration towards the sceneries of your stories. Channelers are always welcome, and might even find his or her bondmate through the threads that are displayed below.
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Andy
"A Crown of Swords"
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Joined: February 4th, 2017, 11:16 pm
PC: Alrim Farshera Gaidin
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Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Andy » August 20th, 2017, 2:19 pm

"I shall concede the point, if only to save my shoulder. I need it," he said with amusement.

He tried to forget about that little gathering, it was distracting at times. Though it seemed to have become more insistent of late. He was sure someone was trying to make his life more interesting. It was unusual, though not rare, to be an Unbonded Gaidin. He knew that after time had passed that there existed silent 'encouragement'. He tried to ignore it mostly, he was in no rush. He did smile at her comments though, for one who liked to call his own put-downs she did like to copy him.

"And that is why you are brave. No thought, no fear. Some people have to work at it, others just are. I can assure you we did not plan to remain behind," he snorted, "you give yourself little credit and remind me of doing it in the same minute. That is impressive" he said with as innocent a tone as he could muster.

It was not a long walk to the tavern and upon entering he was pleased that others noticed the new uniform Oaks wore and wished to treat her for the accomplishment. The more people who told her the less she could deny it. It had been what eventually wore him down from hating himself to acceptance of what he was. He was working on pride.

"Thick and thin" he tapped his cup to hers and settled back into his seat.

"As for adventures, it could be arranged. Though I feel old when saying I wish there were more mundane ones for a while. I keep having to buy new clothes. It's getting expensive!"
~
Arafel Will Rise, Kick Matty's Butt & Be Totally The Most Awesome Land Evar
~

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Roan
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PC: Riahana
SC: Tia Tomosan, Aes Sedai
TC: Paks Liard, Ji'Val
Location: Northerly

Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Roan » August 20th, 2017, 9:48 pm

Paks Ji'Val
Paks laughed softly after taking a sip of her mead, “I was kind of meaning adventures without Whitecloaks or any of the Shadow’s agents. I guess, though, given where we live and we do, I may be asking for a great deal.” Setting her mug in front of her, she stared into it, her smirk still present, but subdued, “Do you find it worth it, Alrim? Now that you are full-rank? Do you find it worth the fight?”

The Ji’Val looked up to her friend, a hint of doubt in her eyes, “You know I never considered myself a fighter, and I still don’t even though the went and raised me. Even after what happened with the Whitecloaks. The path I’m on was chosen for me, and I can’t help but wonder if it is the right path for me. . .if I’m meant to walk alongside the likes of you, or Riahana Gaidin, or even Master Darrow.”

If the self-doubt seemed out of character, it was, but wasn’t all at once. Paks learned long ago how to project a sense of confidence even if she didn’t feel wholly confident in herself. It was a big part of being a performer. Fake it until you make it worked on stage, but it could have deadly consequences in the life of a Warder.
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Andy
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Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Andy » August 21st, 2017, 7:05 am

He watched her carefully, a kind and caring gaze. He wished that things were not as tough for Drin and Ji but he now saw the necessity even if he did not agree with it. The Test was horrific and it left even the strongest scarred. He still remembered his own choices and how they had burned him. Other lives, perhaps, but still him. It was almost impossible to take that hit and not be changed, not want to know it was for something. He cleared his throat and sipped his drink, wondering what to say. She deserved the truth rather than lies but the truth was so...changeable.

"I wish I had their Herons" he said with a sigh as he put his drink down and looked at her directly, his eyes not leaving hers so she would know that though they were both actors of their own kind it was not feigned.

"Worth it depends on what you want, or even mean. Was it worth it getting cut up at the Citadel? Or covered with blood and rubble? Or being left behind in that clearing with those nice, shiny armours?"

"It's a hard life, I will not lie about that because I like you too much. But there is more than the hardship. I saved some kids in Arafel, killed Darkfriends in Andor, brought gold back for the orphanage here, dealt with bandits who would have harmed others for no reason than they could..." he trailed off with a soft smile, he could have continued for quite some time.

"I don't get much thanks but I make a difference, however small. And I have no real cause, no Bond. Some would call me mad and I can't really tell them why I'm not. But...it is a better life than most, despite it all. Stick with it, it seems far now but it is worth it. Someone has to stand between the Light and the Shadow and say no"

"Had you asked me even a couple of years ago I'd have said the opposite. Back then I was not a decent person, not really. I was free, sure. Did what I liked. Robbed and conned people. Lived for the thrill and the risk of whatever scheme it was that week. It fell apart though, it always does. I didn't come here out of choice, you know this. And I can't get back what I did, hear any pride in my parents voices. They are gone, dead. You have a chance to get that, perhaps, one day"

"Besides, I think you're more fighter than you give yourself credit for. Fighting isn't all swords and fists," he said, "why do you doubt yourself?"
~
Arafel Will Rise, Kick Matty's Butt & Be Totally The Most Awesome Land Evar
~

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Roan
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Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Roan » August 26th, 2017, 10:55 pm

Paks Ji'Val
There was a fire (of a sort) in Alrim’s eyes as he spoke of the things he’d done since gaining his Fancloak. He made the life at the Tower seem worth it, and made it seem as if it gave purpose beyond just waking up, going about the day, going to bed, and doing the same thing over and over. He made it sound like he made a difference. Truth be told, he did. She’d seen it with her own eyes when they were on that training exercise. He was a buffer for her and the other learning ranks, getting them back to safety at great risk to himself, and he did it without even thinking about it.

Why do you doubt yourself?

Paks found she couldn’t hold Alrim’s gaze and looked away, shaking her head, “I doubt myself for all the reasons I had to repeat that blasted test until I got it right. Each of those failures seemed to be burned into my memory, and some pulled on memories of my father and siblings who all thought I was worthless.

“I doubt myself because I’ve only just made it to Ji’Val while so many of my ‘peers’ now wear the fancloak,” Paks continued. She shrugged, “But then given my . . .extracurricular activities most nights, I guess I only have myself to blame.” She took what seemed a reluctant sip from her mug and finally looked back to Alrim, “I know this is meant to be a celebration, but for once, I’m not feeling particularly celebratory. Shocking state of affairs, I know.”

The Ji’Val forced a small smile, “I guess I look forward and wonder how much longer it will take for them to put me forward to earn my fancloak. . .I am not getting any younger.” She forced a wry smile, though her smirk was was noticeably absent.
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Andy
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Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Andy » August 27th, 2017, 10:23 am

"No apologies, they aren't needed" he said simply.

He was not upset that she did not feel like celebrating, he knew why and if she needed to talk about more serious matters than that was what she needed. Having taken the Test of Honour himself and having similar doubts about himself - ones that still preyed upon him from time to time - he understood far too well how you could be your own worst enemy. The first way of dealing with it, he had found, was to realise that you were not so different from others. No one was perfect. Mostly, though, he felt sorrow for her. She was a friend, perhaps in many ways a sister given that he saw the Tower as his family these days, and she was drowning inside, it seemed.

"You think we are so different?" he asked softly, with a wry smile of his own, "I didn't walk into the Test and walk out five minutes after with applause. I saw things, felt things...it is meant to be difficult. The fact that you are here at all tells you all you need to know about your worth. If you were not worthy you would be dead. Or gone. Or...whatever it is that happens to you. I never asked" he scratched his chin thoughtfully.

He was not sure he would ever forget the pains he had felt and witnessed, the knowledge of his own death, the abandonment of his family - those who had been captured at least. It had seemed to come true, as if the Pattern had only shown him some strange alternate life, close to but not exactly his own. He would not be surprised if the Seanchan turned up at some point either. In some ways he felt that it was that which told him that he had courage. To know what would happen and still fight, which he would...it was hard.

"And I am not so young myself. I wasted much of my youth on things not worth it now that I look back. I stole, cheated, tricked, scuffled...and so on. For years. I only came here because I had to...or thought I had to. I only focused because if I didn't then I'd have no reason to get up in the morning. I think we forget that Gaidin are simply people. Riahana Gaidin is one of the best but she is a woman, as are you. I am sure she has her own doubts. Ravak too, of course. And so on. Even I, strange as it may seem, am still not sure I deserve what I have here and keep expecting them to take it away" he told her with an affectionate expression.

"I will not ask you what you saw, sometimes you can never speak of such things. But...if it is never being able to be Gaidin that worries you then I will do what I can to make sure that you are ready, when you wish to push for the path"
~
Arafel Will Rise, Kick Matty's Butt & Be Totally The Most Awesome Land Evar
~

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Roan
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Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Roan » September 9th, 2017, 11:27 am

Paks
Staring into her mug, Paks frowned and shook her head, “It’s not. . .at least I don’t think it’s about not being able to be Gaidin. I think. . .it has more to do with my past than it does my future.” She took a long pull of mead and set her mug down as she met his gaze once again. “We’ve both talked about how similar our pasts seem. I’ve been the misfit of my family. My father resented me for taking his wife from him, though he’d never admit it. My brother told me this. . .told me to try and understand and grant him patience.

“Unfortunately, Father’s resentment lended itself to my own resentment. There is a reason I left home. Perhaps I was just acting out, but I thought I’d found my calling with that band of rogues I called friends. Even after passing that test of honor, I am not certain this place is my calling.

“I still feel like such a misfit. Perhaps, though, I need to think differently. This place seems to attract people of honor, and I never really considered myself such a person. Until very recently, I only really ever cared about when I’d have my next drink, and who’s bed I’d be enjoying at the end of the night,” Paks explained.

She shrugged, “Perhaps it is time I actually grew up and faced my new reality. . .accept it and live it.” The idea seemed to weigh heavy on her, though she couldn’t fully understand why.
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Andy
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Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Andy » September 11th, 2017, 5:08 pm

It was a sad state of affairs, one which had clearly ran roughshod all over her heart and spirit even if she masked it most other times other than their shared time together this day. He could sympathise fully, he had made similar mistakes though his had been to ignore his father's tolerance and pleas instead of understanding a resentment. He understood now why his father had done what he had done, though it was now too late to talk with him upon the subject.

"We can never let past mistakes haunt us forever Paks, believe me when I say that time is too short to do so," he said with sad certainty, "what happened in my Test, and shortly after, taught me that. It is a lesson that I would spare you if I can"

"Never got to say goodbye to my family, to mend old wounds, to tell them what I had made of myself. Trollocs. All gone. I waited, too long, to grow up...as you put it. The mistake of my trailing my feet will follow me unto my dying breath. Do not make my mistakes yourself, my friend, it is not worth it"

"We are usually better than we tell ourselves. I wake up every day and believe that I am not worthy enough to walk the same halls as the legends of this place. There is a reason I mock myself, and wittily too I like to think. The only response that I cant make is to force myself to try to be. I owe it to myself as well as the lost...and you too. All of my family here"

"Do you know what I say when some of my so-called pupils start asking me how they can do what is asked? It's too hard they say, too long, impossible...I point them to people like you. People who are better than me, even if it is just at daggers. Or at running. Or being honourable. People who have already done it and serve as examples to them"

"I think the real question isn't whether we should all grow up, we all do eventually, forced or chosen. It is more what we want to be when we are grown. You have come far already, I'd urge you to see it out. You belong here and matter to people more than you might think"
~
Arafel Will Rise, Kick Matty's Butt & Be Totally The Most Awesome Land Evar
~

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Roan
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Joined: May 27th, 2015, 6:46 am
PC: Riahana
SC: Tia Tomosan, Aes Sedai
TC: Paks Liard, Ji'Val
Location: Northerly

Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Roan » September 15th, 2017, 8:26 pm

Paks Ji'Val
Paks rolled her eyes, though she smirked slightly, “I am in no way better than you, Alrim. That fancloak of yours is proof enough on one hand. On the other. . .well, you came here by choice. You chose to stay and see it through. Me?”

The Ji’Val paused, staring into her mug of mead before taking a long pull and placing the mug in front of her once more, “For me, the choice was made for me. I can’t leave until I earn the cloak. If I do, and I’m caught, I’m off to jail. Would I stay of my own accord?” She kept staring into the depths of her mug, letting the silence stretch between them.

Finally, she looked up and offered a small smile, “If it weren’t for Jesi, I am not sure I would.” Was she being honest with herself? She certainly wouldn't have chosen to leave her band of frolicing friends behind for the life she’d led at the Tower. If she were honest with herself, though, she’d have to admit she’d found a new purpose in life, and one not solely tied to Jesi.

Letting go a half laugh, half snort, she shook her head, “And you likely see right through that. I guess I would. Entertaining people is all well and good. . .people need to laugh. But there are people in the world who can’t fight for themselves, and I suppose that is where we come in. We are their fist or sword.”

Looking back to Alrim, the Ji’Val put on her best smirk, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, “The test just weighs heavily on me and has me a bit more somber than I might otherwise be. I am honestly ok, or I will be with a bit of time and perspective.”
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Andy
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Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Andy » September 23rd, 2017, 10:18 pm

"I prefer to think of us as their shield," he said thoughtfully, "but the principle is the same. I talked once with Zarius, the old M'Hael, about how I thought the Wheel forced people like us into doing the jobs no one wants to do. I like to think it is wise enough to choose the right people" he smiled at her warmly.

It pained him that Paks was suffering and finding it difficult to get through. It was normal but nevertheless he didn't like it. A more serious and Warderly Paks would be a welcome sight one day but he'd die before he let all of her charming mischievousness just fade away into sorrow. The Tower needed people like her, to remind it that it was not all about the war and the missions. That people and fun counted.

"But if you wish to discuss the Test, whenever you like, then I am available. I know the weight of which you speak," he looked into his own cup then and frowned, finishing it off quickly and placing it aside, "but time is the best healer, as they say"

He watched as the musicians started to assemble themselves in the corner, time had marched long enough that it was getting towards early evening apparently. Either that or they were in the mood to play regardless.

"I said I wanted to celebrate with you and I'll be damned if we won't celebrate one of my closest friends being fantastic, dark talk of shaded days can be told around the fire whilst drunk as easily as whilst sober. Jesse," he called to one of the servers, "more ale and plenty of it!"

He wondered, idly, if sometimes the jester needed another jester to make them laugh every so often. He'd do his best to fulfil the role if it meant she could forget, even if for just one night.
~
Arafel Will Rise, Kick Matty's Butt & Be Totally The Most Awesome Land Evar
~

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Roan
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Posts: 2463
Joined: May 27th, 2015, 6:46 am
PC: Riahana
SC: Tia Tomosan, Aes Sedai
TC: Paks Liard, Ji'Val
Location: Northerly

Re: Unusual is the New Usual [Closed]

Post by Roan » September 30th, 2017, 5:07 pm

Paks
Paks rewarded Alrim with a laugh as he decided the night would be one of celebration despite his friend’s dark and heavy mood. His persistence made her feel lighter, and she decided to latch on to the hint of a lighter feeling. Might as well run with it, right? It didn’t take long for their server to return with more ale.

Picking up her mug, Paks gave a broad, warm smile to her friend, “To the Tower, may it never fall, to our Channelers, may they never lose their spark, and to the likes of us who keep their sorry arses out of trouble.

“But perhaps, more importantly. . .to dear friends who stick with you through thick and thin and don’t let you judge yourself more harshly than you deserve,” she concluded the toast and hit his mug with enough force to slosh some ale out of both before she took a long pull.
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