None of Us What We Once Were [Attn: Novice Zarayne]

[Bella]

Oh by the Creator, could this day could any worse?

As if Andraste hadn't already been fit to be tied and thrumming with anxiety, she suddenly had to face down the Ter'angreal Lady. She had not see Elia Sedai since the day she'd shown the then-Novice the Objects of Power and the girl had learned how...much she didn't like the little things and was happy to not have to work with them.

Not only was it her, but she was not at all happy. Andra looked at her face and tried to keep the emotions off her own as she swallowed hard, not taking in other salient details of the woman's person that she would likely have noticed on any other day.

Now the Novice had gotten her into trouble. Fantastic. Okay. She had to answer the question honestly but not in a way that would make it sound like she was making excuses. Aes Sedai hated that. "I'm sorry, Aes Sedai," she said with as much genuine penitence as she could as she curtsied and bowed her head. "It was not intentional. I am...not myself."

She licked her lips and took a short breath. "I was just trying to do a lesson with Novice Zarayne and suddenly realized that I cannot embrace the One Power. We were looking for an Aes Sedai to assist."

That was the best she could do. She just hoped she wasn't about to lose her head.

[Craig]

Zarayne

"You cannot embrace the One Power?" the Indigo sister echoed. Only an edge of annoyance remained in the Aes Sedai's voice, but her facial features still told of her exasperation. Zarayne didn't know enough about the woman standing before them to infer what mood was she actually in. Elia's eyes, a darker green than her own, seemed to bore into Andraste. Maybe it was possible for the Aes Sedai to see something Zarayne could not, although the method was beyond her.

Elia's words seemed cutting when she at last spoke. "You are Accepted, yet you still have a block?" Those malachite gems slid over to the novice, and both gaze and tone softened once more, yet there was still a commanding edge to her words. "Zarayne, you have the rest of the hour to yourself."

The Aiel novice nodded, and with a final glance to the back of the Accepted's head, walked back down the corridor from the way they had just come.

Zarayne's Father's Sister

Having to wait for her niece to get out of earshot smoothed out some of Elia's unintended anger. Oh, the learning ranks thought that Asha'man and Aes Sedai snapped at them out of habit or procedure, but the Indigo felt a little abashed at letting out her foul mood at Andraste. The girl had done nothing wrong. Well, not this time.

Finally when the lanky strip of Aiel vanished from sight, Elia stepped towards the Accepted. She placed her good hand on the Kandori's right shoulder, and started to turn her around to walk down the corridor together.

"You have a block," she repeated. Elia glanced down at Andraste. "I can tell you're confused, but surely you've heard about blocks? Mental walls some channellers put in place without their knowledge to stop themselves from touching saidar or saidin. Well, don't worry yourself, these things can be remedied."

The path Elia was guiding them towards would loop them through the Indigo Hall, although that would also led on to the Novices' Quarters.

"If you like, I can try and help you with your block. I had one myself, although everyone is different." Elia fell silent as she recollected their last meeting, and how unfortunately it ended. Contritely, Elia added: "Or we can go to the Mistress of Novices, and let her guide you. I wouldn't wish to force my company upon you."

[Bella]

There was something...different about the Aes Sedai, Andra suddenly realized. She wasn't totally dense, after all, even when she was entirely distracted by her own distress. She blinked once and wondered what had happened. Of course, she'd heard rumors, but she usually didn't listen to them very much. They seemed to rarely be true when spoken by the mouths of teenage girls.

"I appreciate that, Aes Sedai," she said, bowing her head slightly. "I had heard of blocks, but since it was not a problem that troubled me, I did not pay very close attention." That part was admittedly ruefully. "I had no trouble channeling as a Novice. This lesson was to be my first time teaching, and my first time having to use the One Power since becoming Accepted."

How did that even happening? She had known of Novices to have such trouble, but an Accepted? It was supposed to be better by then, not just starting.

She took a shuddering breath and her gaze dropped. It was then that she realized what looked different about Elia Sedai. It wasn't hugely obvious...yet, but now she saw it in the cut of the dress. She swallowed hard. Ignore it. "I would...appreciate any help that you can offer me, although...I imagine the Mistress of Novices is going to have to know sooner or later."

[Craig]

Elia

"No trouble channelling as a novice". "First time having to use the One Power since becoming Accepted". Well that was a curious new dilemma. Elia had never heard of a block developing after someone had joined the Tower, but then she could think of no reason it couldn't happen.

"Let's find ourselves somewhere to sit."

Back in the classroom, Elia was relieved to be off her feet, but she refused to let herself fall into a slumber. Making new discoveries was a significant part of her decision to join the Indigo Ajah, and seeing how a block had developed in a practiced channeller definitely counted.

Of course, now she just had to break one of the unspoken rules of the Grey Tower to do so.

"Broadly speaking, we create a wall in our mind to stop ourselves channelling in order to protect ourselves. When a woman weaves saidar for the first time, there is often an accompanying sickness. This is one of the main reasons blocks develop. The sickness, assuming it doesn't kill you, is an encounter with something traumatic and unpleasant." Peace, Elia knew all about how sickness was unpleasant.

She swallowed down her body's rebellions and continued. "I know you had a traumatic event before coming to the Tower, but if that was the root cause, this block would have manifested itself before now. Thus, I'm going to assume that something happened within your Arches that shocked you. Shocked you so much that, well..." She spread her one good hand open. "Now you've sealed yourself away from the Source."

Elia let the silence ask the question for her. The Shienaran had been through enough terrifying tragedies of her own to know not to pry, yet she had to ask. Ask by not asking. How very Aes Sedai of me.

[Bella]

It was the bad day that just wouldn't end...

Andra didn't really want to talk about what she had experienced in the Arches, although it was obvious that the Aes Sedai was aiming to draw that out of her. It was, of course, the logical point-to-point. Well, you could channel, you went into the Arches, then you couldn't channel, so what happened in between?

Sitting once again, she looked at her hands where she had them folded in her lap and went back through her memories.

"I don't...feel like I was traumatized by my Arches," she said quietly. "They were painful and I felt awful immediately after, but it didn't linger. It wasn't like what happened before I came to the Tower, where that feeling lasted for months and months. I mean, that's normal for grief, but if I would say anything traumatized me, it would be that."

Thoughtfully, she bit down on her bottom lip. "I mean, maybe it brought it back up. In the Arches, I kept having to leave behind those I cared about."

[Craig]

[font=Parisienne name=Parisienne] Elia [/font]

The First Seeker wore a pained look on her pale face. Time had changed Elia's outlook. The death of Andraste's friends wasn't something she could draw a parallel to in her own life, but she could at least appreciate some of the pain that event would have caused the Accepted. Having to relive such an event, or even an analogue of such tragedy within the Arches...

"It is a wicked thing. Wicked."

Elia blinked back the memory of her own Arches. Peace, she'd forgotten about how much that experience had ripped into the heart of her. More recent experiences had come to the fore when pain came to mind.

The Indigo offered a sympathetic smile. "The Arches are what they are," she said enigmatically, "but they are not reality. They are neither glimpses of the future nor the past. What you saw and experienced within will stay with you, and they happened from your own recollection, but they are not a part of the Pattern."

"Whatever happened within the Three Arches, you need to set those aside from your current and future worries. It was a test -- your test for Acceptance -- and you passed. Leave everything that happened within that chamber." Elia smiled in faint recollection of her time as Mistress of Novices, as she quoted part of the ceremony. "You were washed clean and pure, in heart and soul."

Elia opened herself up to the light of saidar. The Creator's warmth flowed through her body, bringing with it both a state of elation and an empowerment of every ache, pain and cramp she was suffering from. The First Seeker didn't try to do anything with it, not in her state. Instead she reached her good hand palm-up towards Andraste. "You are an Accepted of the Grey Tower, so I know you can join me in holding the light of the Creator. Leave any thought and emotion to one side and focus on this solitary truth: you are accepted and you are Accepted."

[Bella]

Andraste listened to what Elia Sedai said, and it all made sense... That much did, if nothing else in her mind. She did not think she had been holding onto the feelings after her Arches, at least once that initial first day or so had passed. In fact, she had felt lighter. Almost happy. That was, until all this happened.

Maybe... Thoughts began and fell away. It would do no good to not listen to everything the Aes Sedai was saying. The day had been rough enough, she didn't need to add that to the list. Even though the other woman didn't seem ready to penalize her for the slightest thing...

When the Indigo held out her hand, the Kandori woman did everything she could to not gape like a fish pulled from the water. Her eyes widened slightly as she looked at it. She couldn't possibly mean for Andra to take her hand. Did Aes Sedai do that? Wasn't that, like, considered bad or some such? But why else would she do it?

Elia held Saidar, as Andra knew. The younger lifted her own hand, but moved it slowly...almost as if waiting to be told that she was wrong and then sent away. You are accepted, and are Accepted, she repeated those words in her mind as she reached out. She tried to open herself, like she had been taught, but...still nothing.

[Craig]

[font=Parisienne name=Parisienne] Elia [/font]

Elia took the Accepted's hand gently in her own. The Light knew if the gesture would do any good, whether as a physical reassurance or as a way to provide mental comfort. Elia had naturally encountered blocks before during her tenure as Mistress of Novices, but sourcing and breaking those blocks were almost part and parcel of an novice's training. Andraste stood out as a marked difference to those other girls, and she couldn't just continue on naturally as an Accepted without ready access to saidar.

The Aes Sedai had not been blind to the Kandori's initial shock at the offer of a hand. Maybe I was a little rough on her previously, Elia thought. That explained it, and the First Seeker was not about to apologise at her reaction when someone looked pale at the sight of a ter'angreal. Still, she wasn't about to ignore what this meant in the present, even if she had zero interest in rectifying the past. "If I am making this harder on you somehow, then do say. Vanya Sedai can try to guide you through this instead. I would not be offended if that were the case."

[Bella]

Andraste still had no idea what was going on, but she was...grateful for the Aes Sedai's consideration. If surprised.

"I'm not sure much could make this harder, Aes Sedai," the Accepted said ruefully. What other emotions could she add to the day, she wondered. From the time she had woken until now, she was pretty sure she had run the entire gamut in both up and down, left and right, back and forth.

Frankly, she was suddenly exhausted.

She looked down at their two hands, one so pale and one considerably darker, and her mind abruptly started racing. She swallowed hard and resisted the feeling of "what if" panic that tried to take her. "Does anyone ever not break their block?" she asked quietly.

[Craig]

[font=Parisienne name=Parisienne] Elia [/font]

Let it never be said that Elia Darrow was stupid. She knew precisely what answer the Accepted was reaching out for, and she knew she could deliver the words that Andraste wanted to hear so badly without needing to go outside her oaths. One did not survive the rigours of Tower life as an Oathsworn without learning how to skirt around the truth. But Elia couldn't stomach it. Would it be easier to lie? Most certainly. But she felt an unexplained need to be honest.

"Everyone is capable of breaking their block, but not everyone is able." She gave Andra's hand a squeeze as the dawning realisation seemed to overtake her thoughts. "But we are far from that point yet. Do not worry yourself needlessly. I will be here to help you, no matter how long it takes."

The words flew from her lips before she realised the full extent of what she'd said. Oh, blood and flaming ashes!

The Aes Sedai recovered smoothly, making it all seem as intended. "Andraste, I have helped plenty of women through their blocks. There is no need to be concerned. Just breath and relax."